tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post6824793257272705690..comments2023-09-09T08:58:16.226-05:00Comments on Deepest Darkest Thoughts: Thursday Therapy: Inolvement with Married MenTrueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-53682761738862906742009-09-28T12:37:34.591-05:002009-09-28T12:37:34.591-05:00I'm late to the commentary party, but WTH... [...I'm late to the commentary party, but WTH... [excuse: busy weekend, long update post forthcoming!]<br />In many ways I'm way too close to this, since I was married to a cheater the first go-round, for almost 14 yrs - & it was a blessing-in-disguise for me that M left when I put my foot down, or else the muleheaded fool that I was [hopefully I'm a little bit better now] would Valhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03152215204773184788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-31469660413217382212009-09-28T06:20:36.627-05:002009-09-28T06:20:36.627-05:00Actually, Trueself, on a whole other issue, can I ...Actually, Trueself, on a whole other issue, can I just say that I'm worried about you.<br /><br />I got quite a bad feeling when I read that you were allowing W to move in with you. Is there any way that you could take care of him without having to go so far with it? If you feel miserable about it, then surely your own feelings are telling you not to do it.<br /><br />On J - Well, in all Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16960808094968837047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-54490885297922637782009-09-25T09:26:25.664-05:002009-09-25T09:26:25.664-05:00Yeah, what Therese said. Well-written. :-)
It'...Yeah, what Therese said. Well-written. :-)<br /><br />It's not that it's all "his responsibility" or just "your responsibility." It's 100% his and 100% yours. And this is your blog, so I think everyone is talking to you, because they are concerned about you.<br /><br />There's not much else I can add that hasn't already been said above.FTNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00863217400079842687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-45080880076683090082009-09-24T16:39:56.326-05:002009-09-24T16:39:56.326-05:00I do care about people. I care a lot about the wel...<i>I do care about people. I care a lot about the welfare of other people. However, I see a real distinction between private, personal behavior between J and me, and my desire to make sure everyone in this country has health care or my desire to see the wealth in this country more equitably distributed.</i><br /><br />Therein lies the problem, Trueself. Its easy to care about people who don'Therese in Heavenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13607519856275927706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-7622100045873621262009-09-24T14:09:22.136-05:002009-09-24T14:09:22.136-05:00True as I wrote in the comments from your earlier ...True as I wrote in the comments from your earlier post I agree the "paragon of societal concern" stuff is just a bit too much to swallow. Or the notion that leaving a grown man to be responsible for his choices reverts us all to the law of the jungle. I will just repeat I hope you continue to bring the what whens and whys of this to Freud and figure out how to care more about yourself Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-79681886708875348672009-09-24T13:51:39.672-05:002009-09-24T13:51:39.672-05:00Well, as someone who has slept with her share of m...Well, as someone who has slept with her share of married men-and currently lives with someone who was married when we met, here is my 2 cents:<br /><br />I think 3 people are involved in infidelity. The husband, the wife and the "other". In this scenario, The fault lies with the wife for not recognizing that there is something missing in the relationship-or in some case, withholding Jeni Angelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06858342330552310646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-64606983955455252632009-09-24T13:07:01.247-05:002009-09-24T13:07:01.247-05:00Oh my goodness! I don't even know how to comme...Oh my goodness! I don't even know how to comment on these other commenters yet..............except to say that while I respect their thoughtful, deeply felt responses to this issue, I feel that they are coming off as mostly judgemental and patronizing. But given some of these commenters' own conservative/traditional views I've seen expressed on their own blogs, I should not be GinnyBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01510667070702086856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-72209535746201556532009-09-24T13:03:30.640-05:002009-09-24T13:03:30.640-05:00And I guess that was my point in the first place. ...And I guess that was my point in the first place. There is an entirely proper sense in which you are 'your brother's keeper'. Or 'your brother's marriage's keeper', if you will.<br /><br />We all have too many interconnections with each other, whether we want them or not, to just wave off and say, 'not my problem'. . .<br /><br />But, I've already said Desmond Joneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07829959101276150279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-19301423839044044492009-09-24T12:36:43.707-05:002009-09-24T12:36:43.707-05:00Des - What I see here are a lot of people trying t...Des - What I see here are a lot of people trying to make it my responsibility for upholding J's marriage. I just don't see it that way. I see it as J's responsibility.<br /><br />I do not see it as right for me to be having sex with J. I am not trying to defend that. I am just simply saying that his marriage is his responsibility. If he chooses to cheat that is his responsibilityTrueselfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-33738415530708081522009-09-24T12:17:55.803-05:002009-09-24T12:17:55.803-05:00Where did I say, or imply that J has no responsibi...Where did I say, or imply that J has no responsibility for his own actions, or that it is all your responsibility to uphold his marriage? <i>Absolutely</i>, he bears his own responsibility for his own infidelity.<br /><br />But you, by being a willing partner to his infidelity, bear your own responsibility.<br /><br />Hell no, J shouldn't be hitting you up for sex on the side; it speaks ill Desmond Joneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07829959101276150279noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-80935191320818415522009-09-24T11:50:08.088-05:002009-09-24T11:50:08.088-05:00OMG! Are you people serious? Really?!?! We’re g...OMG! Are you people serious? Really?!?! We’re going to put all the blame on the other woman and let the man off scot free? Really? Where is personal responsibility in this? Why is it always the girl’s/woman’s responsibility to say “No.”? Why do we expect men to be such weak fools that they can’t say “No” to temptation, but expect women to be the upholders of virtue? Honestly people! WTF?Trueselfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-1534900357434118692009-09-24T11:37:04.411-05:002009-09-24T11:37:04.411-05:00I'm more than a bit surprised by the defense o...I'm more than a bit surprised by the defense of being the "other woman" in a bad marriage. I didn't expect it from you, or the you I thought I knew through your writings. And it wasn't a very creative defense either: its all his fault since its his decision. At least the argument was well articulated and thought out.<br /><br />I guess I'm always amazed that any woman Johnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09313825570362402734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-41297595476543008862009-09-24T11:18:29.443-05:002009-09-24T11:18:29.443-05:00Wow...
I kept trying to figure out how to comment...Wow...<br /><br />I kept trying to figure out how to comment, but I don't know what to say. I just wouldn't have expected such a lack of compassion and respect for others coming from you.Therese in Heavenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13607519856275927706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-62159072570463513192009-09-24T11:17:27.628-05:002009-09-24T11:17:27.628-05:00It's such a can of worms, and harder because o...It's such a can of worms, and harder because of how everyone looks at marriage or even committed relationships. I decided early on when looking for someone to date that married women were off limits. And that included married men in the J/O group I belonged to last year. To me, married is married, if you want to be with someone else, get divored first, or don't get married in the first Fusionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05478465297213819613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-37172167876977627982009-09-24T10:09:30.801-05:002009-09-24T10:09:30.801-05:00Seems just a tad 'Law-of-the-Jungle-ish' t...Seems just a tad 'Law-of-the-Jungle-ish' to me. . . I wonder if you'd really want to live in a world that took this line of reasoning to its logical conclusion. . .<br /><br />-----<br /><br /><i>"I think we need to encourage people before they marry to make really damned sure they are marrying someone who they really want to be with for a lifetime. It is way too easy to jump Desmond Joneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07829959101276150279noreply@blogger.com