tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-259640402024-03-14T03:59:47.365-05:00Deepest Darkest ThoughtsTHIS BLOG IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY.
Anyone under 18 should leave immediately.
This blog started as a place to chronicle my attempt at rekindling a long ago romance in spite of the fact that we were both married to others but evolved into a journal of my sexual revolution and now what is hopefully my maturation into a fully functional adult.Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.comBlogger1316125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-60761692409495932592018-03-08T16:37:00.003-06:002018-03-08T16:37:45.579-06:00I'm Late, I'm LateI really, really want to post something here, but I have no time lately. I'm always late, always behind, always trying to catch up.
But I sooooooooooooo need to write and get some stuff out.
Soon hopefully...Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-12383512302315692012017-06-02T18:40:00.000-05:002017-06-02T18:40:10.633-05:00Sigh...I leave here, but I always come back eventually. This blog holds so much of who I was and who I still am in many ways.
My depression, the black hole, has darned near swallowed me the last few months. While I don't want to kill myself, have never really wanted to kill myself, if I fell asleep one night and just never woke up? Well, that sounds mighty good right there.
W died 20 Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-33425971492006413412017-02-09T20:46:00.001-06:002017-02-09T20:46:17.402-06:00Why Am I Here?Just stopping around to say, "Hey!" Life is weird.
If you happen by, leave a comment. I could use a little reunion of the old gang.Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-35677463638449343192015-10-18T16:58:00.001-05:002017-06-02T17:40:43.079-05:00R.I.P. WJust for those who maybe don't know me in real life or on Facebook, I thought I should post here that W died earlier this month.
It did not come as a big surprise. It was sad in some ways but not sad in others. It has been a not very well kept secret in our circle that I had been tolerating him the last few years, particularly since we got back together after our separation several years ago. InTrueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-63908517136436106792015-01-08T14:30:00.000-06:002015-01-08T14:30:11.891-06:00History Repeats ItselfWant to know what my life is like today? Refer back to My Snow White post from a couple of months ago. Came back to work this week to find that although I feel have changed a bit to the better things around here remain the same.Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-71825082889263803052014-11-19T15:24:00.000-06:002014-11-19T15:24:20.590-06:00Two More DaysI only have to hang on for two more days. Just Thursday and Friday and then I am off for six weeks worth of self improvement, renewal, and recuperation from burnout.
Right now I am hanging by a thread. Snow White's depression is just getting to her so badly that all she can manage to do is message me about it ad nauseum. Everybody else at work has this question I need to answerTrueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-58503433813097387282014-11-17T17:28:00.000-06:002014-11-17T17:30:15.353-06:00Snow White and the Evil WitchLet me introduce you to Snow White, a coworker. I've not written about her before here. I certainly can't write about her on fb since we are fb friends even though she can whine and complain about whatever she wants whenever she wants because, oh my goodness, people just don't do things her way.
I call her Snow White because her looks remind me something of the Disney version of SnowTrueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-66009607695956691162014-10-03T10:47:00.000-05:002014-10-03T10:47:21.648-05:00Worry -- The Overriding EmotionIt doesn't matter what I do or how I approach things I worry. I worry about whether I do too much... or too little. I worry about whether I say too much... or too little. I worry that bad things will happen to those I love. I worry that the world doesn't care about me. I worry that the world cares too much about me.
I worry. It's what I do.
Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-21288164623121408802014-09-25T17:30:00.000-05:002014-09-25T17:30:00.507-05:00How to Serve Meals to the PickyMeals bring a challenge to me because I have very strict rules about how things need to be served (also eaten, but that's another post).
First off, I am a food separatist, i.e. I like my foods to not touch one another. Nothing freaks me out more than the juices of one food touching another food, and don't even get me started on the random pickle with its nasty pickle juice placedTrueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-17798773685954467162014-09-24T11:41:00.000-05:002014-09-24T11:43:30.256-05:00The Power of Writing and Other ThingsPretty sure my post on my depression last Wednesday had a beneficial effect on my mental health. I know something did. Whether it was that or something else I feel better (better being a relative term here) than I did a week ago.
However, I'm fighting another battle, related to the depression sort of, that I have also helped by writing a two page single-spaced missive. Whether Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-18724690041552805072014-09-18T18:11:00.004-05:002014-09-18T18:14:07.214-05:00Held Hostage at the DMVPoor N. No he is not being held hostage. His driver permit is. He has passed the written exam. He has paid his $20. When the driver ed teacher went to pick up the student's permits, the DMV office was closed.
When he researched why it was closed during its regular business hours he learned that it is a severe air quality issue. Apparently, several Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-60650858938564219952014-09-17T12:17:00.000-05:002014-09-17T12:19:54.558-05:00Lethargy, Black Holes, and Meh...Blah, blah, blah... Life continues... Blah, blah, blah.
I have neglected this blog because I've been posting on Facebook so much, so very, very much. However, all my FB posting has ceased lately. I haven't been to FB to read anybody else's posts. I have been down in the black hole, and so much of what I want to say when I have the energy to post at all is not for Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-81638864944317928032014-09-17T11:21:00.000-05:002014-09-17T11:21:08.668-05:00Proper Way to Eat M&MsThe only proper way to eat M&Ms (for me, as a borderline OCD type) is to separate them by color first, and then eat them one at a time in the following order (this is for standard M&M colors; seasonals can cause extra thought and discomfort):
Brown
Red
Yellow
Green
Orange & Blue -- These are the exception to the one at a time rule. These are paired together as Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-12281687722297768042014-02-12T09:44:00.000-06:002014-02-12T09:44:16.990-06:00Sunday Stealing: Cupid's Questions Meme
Sunday Stealing
1.)Do you like Valentine's Day? No
2.)Are you going to celebrate it? Not really
3.)Celebrate Valentine's Day with Friends or someone Special? No
4.)Pink or red? Red
5.)Candy Hearts OR cards? Candy hearts
6.)A short kiss or a big hug? Hugs are always welcome
7.)What are your plans for V-day? Nothing
8.)What would be the best gift to Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-53928163570735517342014-02-01T07:00:00.000-06:002014-02-01T07:00:03.274-06:00Sunday Stealing: Ask Me Meme1:What was the last argument you had about? Dinner2:How long is your longest relationship? 25 years3:What is something not many people know about you? My passion for Bowling for Soup4:Two truths and a lie. Go. I have met and spoken with several well known basketball players and coaches. I was a licensed driver for 36 years before I got my first traffic ticket. I Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-24705902216231359982014-01-30T16:35:00.000-06:002014-01-30T16:35:36.605-06:00Not Good at the Game
(Note: This post was a quickly written, stream of consciousness kind of thing. Apologies for a lack of coherency, cohesion, and flow from one paragraph to the next.)
I am so very not good at just fitting in the box. I am so outside the box it isn’t even funny.
Most people seem to want to get out of serving on committees, heading up this or that, participating more than justTrueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-50634938365157000732014-01-28T09:35:00.001-06:002014-01-28T09:35:29.015-06:00Might as Well Admit ItNo matter how frustrating he can be, no matter what things he does that make me cringe, for some reason I just can't let W go.
He infuriates me with his curmudgeonly ways. Does he have to be gruff and verbally combative about absolutely everything? I don't know.
He embarrasses me in public with some of the things he says and way he says them. Must he come across as Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-90504157936129651802014-01-24T17:15:00.000-06:002014-01-24T17:15:04.298-06:00Just a Little Update
Until a few days ago, when I stopped my blog for the first
time in a very long time, I didn’t realize that so much has happened that I
haven’t gone on about here.
Here are the highlights:
Mission Trip – With assistance from a few kind angels who
helped finance the trip (you know who you are) I was able to go to Jamaica last
June and help distribute brand new shoes to children in several Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-15542557980144821882014-01-21T17:12:00.002-06:002014-01-21T17:12:35.669-06:00Wow...I haven't posted since March of last year?!? Really?!? Wow... just wow...
So much to say, no time to say it.
Oh well, just know that I am alive and well (sort of) and hoping to eventually get back in the habit of writing here.
How's that for a short post that says nothing?Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-72408222186288487902013-03-20T17:47:00.001-05:002013-03-20T18:32:48.296-05:00Gone AgainJ is gone again, maybe for good.
I hadn't heard from him since are last get together other than a quick email exchange when I checked on his welfare after hearing about a murder at the prison where he works. Then a couple days ago I was restless and decided to message him.
When he answered he told me that he and his wife were back together, in counselling, and he'd promised to behave himself. ITrueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-90710945521946812082013-03-06T09:12:00.000-06:002013-03-06T09:12:57.703-06:00Help Me Be Less Self-AbsorbedTo those of you who know me personally (either IRL or in cyberspace) and aren't just wandering by reading this randomly (unless you want to be included, in which case, go ahead), would you consider helping to provide the funds for my participation in the Soles4Souls mission trip this summer?
If you look over in the right side column, you'll see a box you can click on to take you to my Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-57301916665676203832013-02-28T17:09:00.001-06:002013-02-28T17:09:23.865-06:00Would You Visit Me in the Loony Bin?Why does everything have to pile up on me at once? I have been feeling completely swamped by life lately.
N is having problems at school.
W is having health issues, again (still?), and spent time in the hospital this week which he wouldn’t let me tell people about so I couldn’t get a great deal of support.
Work is getting outrageously busy and will continue to be so until around May sometime.Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-59501090605202171482013-02-06T09:39:00.000-06:002013-02-06T09:39:12.935-06:00So Many DreamsJ is on my mind so much lately that he has invaded my dreams on a regular basis, when I'm not dreaming about pythons endangering school children (that's a whole different story, not for today, maybe not ever).
I regularly dream about J and me being together. In all of my dreams, we spend much of our time in bed together... just like real life. In all of my dreams, he and I Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-45493207561792142332013-01-24T17:24:00.004-06:002013-01-24T17:24:50.964-06:00Here We Are AgainBlah, blah, blah…
Yadda, yadda, yadda…
That’s all I hear these days when people speak. I can’t concentrate. I can barely keep myself functioning at a rudimentary level at work. I am really, really struggling to stay afloat with this whole living my life thing. And people, I AM ON MY MEDS. I am not waggling around in the quagmire due to being unmedicated. I am following prescribed dosages and Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25964040.post-51769326627041272362013-01-17T17:23:00.000-06:002013-01-17T17:23:32.042-06:00Thursday Therapy – AgitationAgitation was the overriding theme of my session with Freud yesterday. I’m sure Freud would’ve realized I was agitated even if I hadn’t mentioned it to him. My body language was full of tells. I repeatedly stretched my arms over my head. I reached for strands of hair and twirled them. I played with the employee badge on the lanyard I was wearing. In summary, I fidgeted through my entire session. Trueselfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376379968984585345noreply@blogger.com3