Yesterday I get this letter from my dad (maybe he's phone phobic too; I don't know; we've never talked about it), and in it he offers to provide me with a no interest loan I need to pay off W for his equity in the house so that I don't have to go through a bank.
At first, I was thrilled. I thought my prayers had been answered and that everything was going to be fine. Then, upon more thinking and talking to someone about it I'm afraid that maybe it isn't such a fine thing. The friend I talked to said something about maybe it should have been a gift rather than a loan. At first, that offended me.
Upon thinking about it though I realize that as a loan it does give them more oversight authority over me. Perhaps it will be too difficult feeling that every purchase I make will be scrutinized by the very people I worked so hard to become independent from. Perhaps it would be better to pay the interest and points and so forth to go through with the refinancing rather than allowing them to help me.
I don't know. I'm confused now. I'm going to have to think about this some more.
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UPDATE: 10:45 a.m.
Thought it through. Realized what the right answer is.
I’m 47 years old. I need to stand on my own two feet. I have no business taking money from my parents whether it’s a loan or a gift. I got myself into my situation and it is up to me to get myself out of it. What ever possessed me to think that I ought to take money from them? Yeah, yeah, it was the easy way out. It made things look brighter when I first read the letter. But it’s wrong. It is so very wrong. I do not need a hand out from anyone, not even my parents. I’ve already compromised myself enough by letting them help with Christmas (not that they intended to help with Christmas, but I used their Christmas present to me to make Christmas for N and to pay bills instead of to get something for myself so maybe I didn’t compromise myself too badly. . . yet). Damn, it was way too easy for me to almost say yes to the easy way out. It’s a good thing the offer came in a letter. At least this way they’ll never know I almost said yes. This way they will never have to know that I wavered. OMG, I almost became as bad as my freeloading brother. There but for the grace of God go I. . .
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4 comments:
Yes, that could be a bumpy road to go down for sure. Better to do it yourself, thank them for the offer, and if they still want to help in some way, maybe they could just pay for the points and fees as a gift. Good choice there True.
I would not burn any bridges in these "troubled times" and ensure you have secured your loan from the bank first.
Taking an interest free loan from a parent doesn't mean "You can't make it on your own" or that you aren't independent. If it is made in the spirit of a gift, than take it for what it is. And a loan is perhaps something they can afford, where outright giving you the money to pay off W might be beyond their means. As an accountant, I am imagine you are aware of the consequences of providing interest free loans to family members better than I. It seems like their gift is one of time: minimizing the time you will have to deal with W and paying off his equity,
What's that saying? "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" springs to mind ;-)
I took money offered by my parents to pay for my legal costs for the divorce; it wasn't a loan but an outright gift. I didn't ask for it, and it was never used as leverage by them to make me act any particular way. (which surprised me all things considered, but anyway...)
It's not wrong to accept help from the people who love you, and it doesn't "compromise" you. But it's your comfort level, and if you can make things work out without it, do what feels right. If you end up using finances as a reason to delay cutting ties with W though, "some" people might get suspicious. :) I'm just sayin'...
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