The One in Which New Fangled Technology Gets the Better of Trueself

The technologically unsavvy (spellcheck offered me unsaved, navy, and uncivil as alternatives but I do think I really meant unsavvy, even if it isn’t a proper word) among us, meaning me, is wondering about various things related to all this here new fangled gadgetry I’m trying, and not always succeeding, to use.

Instead of wandering down to my local electronics megastore with the big yellow sign on the front and taking up massive amounts of time (and probably paying for it) with the Geek Squad I thought I would toss my quandaries out here and see what answers I get. I know there are a few tech savvy folk out there that occasionally stop by. Please, help a damsel in distress here! (BTW, even though the questions may be presented with humor, they are serious questions. I want (need even?) real answers.) (And just how many parenthetical statements are allowed within one paragraph (and how many may be nested within one another?))

First Question
Desktop PC – What does it mean when the PC sounds as though it is a jet plane revving its engines for takeoff? Should I clear the desk, put away electronic devices, stow my tray table, and put my seatback in its upright position? Seriously though, is it a sign that my PC is becoming ill and is perhaps trying to warn me of its impending untimely demise, or is it a more benign condition?

Second Question
Laptop – If the screen does that old fashioned TV wavy screen scrolling thing how do you stop it? Is it trying to tell me that it is failing or that it is just trying to channel old Munsters reruns? If it does indeed fail, is the laptop a goner or can the screen be resurrected if the rest of the laptop is functioning well?

Third Question
MP4 (yes, it’s an MP4 rather than MP3) Player – If I can’t figure out how to work this off brand relatively cheap thing I bought online, and it came with no instructions am I doomed, or is there a chance someone out there could show me how I can get songs onto it so that I don’t have to listen to the one sample song that came with it over and over and over and over. . . ? BTW, I have had this thing for over a year now and am no closer to having it be usable than the day I got it.

Fourth Question
Cell Phone – If I try to download a ringtone, and it tells me I don’t have enough memory (even though I have never ever loaded a ringtone on it before) what can I do to get the ringtone? This is probably the most important question because a certain someone I know has the Iowa fight song as his ringtone so it is vitally important that I counter with the Illini fight song as mine.

Answers to any of these questions will be welcomed with overwhelming gratitude.