Thursday, February 28, 2013

Would You Visit Me in the Loony Bin?

Why does everything have to pile up on me at once? I have been feeling completely swamped by life lately.
  • N is having problems at school.
  • W is having health issues, again (still?), and spent time in the hospital this week which he wouldn’t let me tell people about so I couldn’t get a great deal of support.
  • Work is getting outrageously busy and will continue to be so until around May sometime.
  • I’m trying (and failing miserably) to fundraise both for N to go to Europe this summer with his soccer team as well as for me to go on an international mission trip this summer.
  • My car, with over 120K miles on it, has decided to become a money pit because it wouldn’t do to just hang in there until after the summer is paid for and over with.
  • Plus I was down with strep throat a couple of weeks ago.

It is times like these that I just want to go stark raving mad so they have to lock me up for an extended stay in the psych ward. Wandering around in my pajamas talking nonsense and checking out from reality sounds really damned appealing right now…

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

So Many Dreams

J is on my mind so much lately that he has invaded my dreams on a regular basis, when I'm not dreaming about pythons endangering school children (that's a whole different story, not for today, maybe not ever).

I regularly dream about J and me being together.  In all of my dreams, we spend much of our time in bed together... just like real life.  In all of my dreams, he and I are dating and trying to figure out if we will be more than that.  It's a common theme that plays out in different ways in each dream.

Last night's dream had him spending the night with me at my mother's house.  We were trying to be sneaky about it, but he wasn't careful enough the next morning to get out without getting caught.  We were all embarassed, but I said to J after she went back down the hall, "Well, I am over 50 after all.  She's got to know that I have sex sometimes."

W was nowhere to be found in the dream at all.  There was no question from anyone about him.  It was though he just didn't exist in the dream.  That isn't always true in these dreams.  Sometimes W is a factor in the dream.  Sometimes not.

On another note, I worry about J during my waking hours.  The prison where he works is on lockdown due to an inmate murder.  It is so very bad there since they closed the supermax prison and moved a lot of those prisoners to the prison where J works.  They moved some of the officers too, and that hasn't gone well.  Lots of disgruntled officers.  Lots of disgruntled inmates.  It is a volatile combination.  I want J out of there.  He is just a few years from retirement.  I wish he could go ahead and retire early, but even if he could I don't think he would.  Financially, he needs the work in spite of the risks that go with it.