Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Two More Days

I only have to hang on for two more days.  Just Thursday and Friday and then I am off for six weeks worth of self improvement, renewal, and recuperation from burnout.

Right now I am hanging by a thread.  Snow White's depression is just getting to her so badly that all she can manage to do is message me about it ad nauseum.  Everybody else at work has this question I need to answer or that report I need to get to them or some such thing before my leave begins.

Blah, blah, blah...  It's all just noise at this point.  The brain has already checked out.  The body is barely keeping up.  Must remember to breathe.  Breathing is good.

What I really wish I could do is just walk out of the office now, giving everyone I see on the way out a fine middle finger salute.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Snow White and the Evil Witch

Let me introduce you to Snow White, a coworker.  I've not written about her before here.  I certainly can't write about her on fb since we are fb friends even though she can whine and complain about whatever she wants whenever she wants because, oh my goodness, people just don't do things her way.

I call her Snow White because her looks remind me something of the Disney version of Snow White.  I count myself as the evil witch because I'll be damned if I had a poison apple I might be tempted to leave it on her desk.

Snow and I used to get along, but that was before... before she got promoted so that she is now at the same level that I am but in a different role.  Watching her transform from hard worker and stellar employee to entitled bully has been quite the education for me.  I have been amazed at the immense changes I have seen in her.

She has always been a little self serving, but she is quickly becoming a major bully in the workplace.  Because I'm her friend I've been spared (somewhat), but holy cow the havoc she wreaks around here on an almost daily basis is about to send me over the edge.  Guess it's a good thing I went ahead with that request for FMLA leave which will start next week if for no other reason than to escape this mess for a while.

I pick up a conversation she and I had this afternoon via IM.  I skip the first part because to put proper context on some of it would take too long.  We pick it up when she has been picking on someone whom I tried to defend.

Snow 4:37 PM
Ok. Well she certainly is vocal
Me 4:38 PM
definitely not the roll over and take it type like me
Snow 4:38 PM
Honestly, I think somewhere in between is probably best. She tends to go into it as if it was done deliberately to make her life worse
Me 4:39 PM
Which is generally how I see the world but accept that griping about it gets me nowhere
which is also why the stress builds up to the point it does with me and then I end up on a 6 week mental health leave
Snow 4:40 PM
I think I was told too often that I wasn't special, and that the world does NOT revolve around me to think that way
Oh, and the ever popular "don't be so selfish"
Me 4:43 PM
I suppose I think less that people deliberately sabotage me than I think they cover their lazy stupidity by saying things that make me feel like they are sabotaging me.
Snow 4:43 PM
I have occassional moments like that
That's totally spelled wrong
Me 4:44 PM
They "thought" they told me about that. They were "sure" I knew about that. Those are the times I feel sabotaged.
Snow 4:45 PM
Oh, those don't bother me. I think because I say them often enough to people since my memory is like swiss cheese
Mine is where they keep pointing to records as problems, but the problem is with THEIR system
Me 4:47 PM
See, and that wouldn't bother me because I could easily just reiterate that the records are correct and leave it at that.
Snow 4:47 PM
It doesn't bother me the first time. It bothers me when they come back with more "issues" again and again
Me 4:47 PM
It's mostly the ones where I feel accused of not knowing what I should when I feel that if they wanted me to know something they should have told me.
I can't just "know" when I don't know.
Those are the ones that make me want to kick people's teeth out.
Snow 4:48 PM
Meh, I just figure they forgot
Me 4:49 PM
Then they need to own that and not put the blame on me.
Snow 4:50 PM
I usually just say "oh, I wasn't aware of that" and redo the query
At that point, I just quit.  She and I are on vastly different wavelengths right now.  Perhaps I'm just a wee bit touchy that ever since I shared with her, in confidence, why I am taking the leave of absence, she has been suffering from the most overwhelming case of depression ever and has missed several days of work and is just in so much worse shape than I am yet she keeps soldiering on while I have clearly given in while suffering far less because I've been able to keep up a facade that she can't.
C'mon Snow White, I'd be happy to share my lunch with you.  Why look!  Here's a beautiful shiny red apple.  Have a bite.

Friday, October 03, 2014

Worry -- The Overriding Emotion

It doesn't matter what I do or how I approach things I worry.  I worry about whether I do too much... or too little.  I worry about whether I say too much... or too little.  I worry that bad things will happen to those I love.  I worry that the world doesn't care about me.  I worry that the world cares too much about me.

I worry.  It's what I do.

Today's worry has to do with my leave of absence as mentioned in this post.  But wait.  Let's start at the point where we left off in that post, with me having written a two page diatribe about why I should be allowed to take an unpaid leave of absence and waiting to have an appointment with my psychiatrist to decide next steps.

My appointment with my psychiatrist, who I'll call Dr. K (let's give her a name since she's playing a larger role in my story these days), was first thing Monday morning.  Now there's a way to kick off your week.  Such were my nerves that I decided I needed to treat myself to a mint mocha at my favorite coffee shop on the way to the appointment.  Nothing like caffeine and sugar to calm those nerves! (sarcasm, people; sarcasm)

Although I was her first appointment of the day, Dr. K was running late so I got to sit in the waiting room and worry about how the appointment would go, how to broach the subject of the leave and maybe it covered by FMLA, and why a gentleman chose to sit in the chair right next to me in the waiting room when there were plenty of available seats and sitting directly next to anyone was completely unnecessary.

Once in her office, we got to the meat of the issue.  Since Dr. K is a colleague of Freud and they are basically my mental health team, Freud had filled Dr. K in on my situation.  She let me tell her in my own words though.  I went through much of what I shared here in my blog in that post I linked to earlier.  I cried.  Three times I burst into tears while I shared my story.  Three times!  Within just a few minutes!  I think that indicates how fragile I am right now.

Dr. K told me that if I wanted to go the FMLA route, she would be happy to sign the FMLA paperwork as my recommending medical provider.  She also looked at the combination of meds that I'm on and increased one of the anti-depressants.  I had been taking what they consider a low dose, and she is moving me to what is considered the standard dose.  She also wants me to have a follow up appointment in one month.

I told Dr. K I would return with the FMLA paperwork within the next week so she can sign it, and I can embark on this journey to betterness (hopefully).  Then I scheduled an appointment for the end of October to talk with her again.

On my way back to work, I started the worrying in earnest.  Somehow, I feel like a fraud taking the time off as FMLA.  FMLA is supposed to be for serious medical conditions.  Is what I'm going through a serious medical condition? How serious does a mental health issue need to be to be a "serious medical condition"?  It isn't as though I am on the brink of harming others or myself.  It isn't as though I'm hearing voices that aren't there.  It isn't as though I am completely detached from reality.  Those are the things I think of in the mental health realm that would constitute a serious medical condition.  Am I cheating the system?  Am I selfish for wanting to take a leave of absence to gather myself back together and get back to some semblance of "normal"?  Am I just using this as a way to get back at the U.S. system of not providing adequate vacation time for workers?

These are the questions that buzz about my head day and night since Monday.  So far, I have filled out my portion of the paperwork but haven't gotten it back to Dr. K yet.  I've told Boss that I will be taking FMLA leave, and he and I have been working towards that by establishing who will cover what while I'm gone and developing a plan for training those individuals.  I have an appointment with Freud next Tuesday so I will probably drop the paperwork off for Dr. K at that time.

I am going to continue to worry about this for a while I think, maybe even throughout the leave.  I hope not.  I doubt the leave will be as effective if I spend much of it worrying over whether or not I deserve it.

Bleah... Excuse me, I have to go now.  I feel another good cry coming on...

Thursday, September 25, 2014

How to Serve Meals to the Picky

Meals bring a challenge to me because I have very strict rules about how things need to be served (also eaten, but that's another post).

First off, I am a food separatist, i.e. I like my foods to not touch one another.  Nothing freaks me out more than the juices of one food touching another food, and don't even get me started on the random pickle with its nasty pickle juice placed aside, and ruining, a perfectly good sandwich.  No, you can't just move the pickle off the plate.  The juices remain, and inevitably have already at least partially been soaked up by the poor defenseless sandwich.  Dwelling on such tragedy protects me from having to think about other, more important and unsettling things.  I can't tell you what a nightmare it is when the juice from the green beans mingles with the gravy or, God forbid, actually touches the potatoes or the bread.  The horror of it all!  I believe all plates should be segmented like those old school lunch trays -- a place for everything and everything in its place.

Second, there are certain foods that are definitely to be served and eaten together as one.  Good examples of this are mashed potatoes and gravy or cake and ice cream.  Of course these things come with their own difficulties, the biggest being the proportional balance of each bite.  Running out of either food means wasting what is left of the other food because one cannot be expected, once tuned to the goodness of the combination, to actually eat one or the other foods without each other.  Therefore, I employ a rather painstaking process of making sure I maintain as close as possible to even proportions bite to bite that will allow finishing both components at the same time.  It's easier if the server takes care to serve the foods in the proper proportion to begin with.

Third, there are certain foods that should definitely never be served and eaten together as one. The one that particularly bugs me these days is gravy and cheese.  What?!?!?  In my book, that's a sin against nature.  The dish requires cheese, or it requires gravy.  It NEVER requires BOTH.  Given this seems to be the new "in thing" at restaurants to put both gravy and cheese in certain dishes I have become very careful to read descriptions on menus and ask to have one or the other (depending on the dish it could be the cheese most frequently or the gravy rarely) left off.  Also, meatloaf is one of those foods that generally falls under the category of serve with gravy.  However, if the meatloaf is one that is baked with the ketchup on top, then there should be no gravy. 

I have no idea why the rest of the world doesn't understand these rules.  They seem so natural to me.  It isn't like I thought them up.  It just is the order of things... at least in my warped mind.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The Power of Writing and Other Things

Pretty sure my post on my depression last Wednesday had a beneficial effect on my mental health.  I know something did.  Whether it was that or something else I feel better (better being a relative term here) than I did a week ago.

However, I'm fighting another battle, related to the depression sort of, that I have also helped by writing a two page single-spaced missive.  Whether it actually gets used for its intended purpose or not remains to be seen.

This battle is one at work.  It will come as no surprise to anyone to learn that my employer, similar to most U.S. employers, provide little in the way of paid time off to their employees.  Because of that, when there was a shitstorm of family member medical and educational issues that all came up at the same time a few months ago, I took as little time off to deal with them as was possible.  I took care of a whole lot of things for both W and N as they recuperated.  I basically gave up my life to work and family care.  Period.  Nothing for me.  I thought I could do it.  I did it.  Then when W and N were both better, I took a deep breath, relaxed, and basically turned into a basketcase.

Fast forward a couple of months, as I continued to drag myself out of bed, get myself to work to do what I had to in order to get by, provide chauffeur services to W and N since I'm the only driver in the family (and thank goodness that will change in a few months as N gets his license), and to stress out about all the things that aren't getting done because I'm too tired/lazy/overwhelmed. 

Thinking it over, and reviewing The Company's policies on vacation and leave for various reasons, I decided to look into taking a six week personal leave of  absence.  Wanting to work with Boss to make things as smooth as possible I told him about my plan and that I was going to make an appointment with HR to ask some questions that I had about what I had read in the policy and also to assess whether it would be financially feasible for me to bear the burden of about 2/3 of the time off being unpaid.  Reflecting back later, I believe Boss thought that following my research I would decide not to request the time off.

The next week, I met with Boss again, having gotten favorable answers to my questions to HR and also working with W to figure out how we could liquidate some investments to cover my unpaid time, to tell him that I planned to turn in a request for personal leave.  I was a little surprised when he said, "Give me some time to think about this."  However, I agreed, and we left it at that at that time.

I heard nothing for over a week when all of a sudden a meeting request comes through my Outlook to discuss the leave with Boss.  I figured there might be some negotiation on whether six weeks was feasible and was ready to compromise down to five, possibly four if I had to.  Timing, I thought, might also be an issue, and I was ready to be somewhat flexible on that.

That was not what the meeting was about.  The meeting was simply to tell me that just because The Company has a policy on unpaid personal leave doesn't mean they actually grant unpaid personal leave.  Wait... what?  Yes.  My boss encouraged me to try to get the leave covered under FMLA.  Then The Company would have no choice but to grant it if I could present a valid reason for an FMLA leave.  In essence, I was told to go to my psychiatrist, get her to declare me mentally ill to the extent that I need a medical leave, and I can have my time off.  Otherwise, no go.  Also, Boss said I could go ahead and turn in a request for unpaid personal leave, and state my case, but that he wouldn't count on it being successful since it would have to be approved both by him and by HR which won't happen.

Well, I've written a two page thesis on the subject of why I should be granted an unpaid personal leave.  Writing it felt WONDERFUL, very cathartic, very helpful in letting go of the thoughts so they no longer have to occupy my brain but can occupy the written document and be referred back to at any time.  I have not yet submitted it or my request for leave.  I am debating whether to do so before my appointment with my psychiatrist next week or not.  I'm leaning towards waiting and see what comes of my discussion with her.  I've already discussed it with Freud, and he is very supportive of me asserting my need for some serious time off.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Held Hostage at the DMV

Poor N.  No he is not being held hostage.  His driver permit is.  He has passed the written exam.  He has paid his $20.  When the driver ed teacher went to pick up the student's permits, the DMV office was closed. 

When he researched why it was closed during its regular business hours he learned that it is a severe air quality issue.  Apparently, several workers have become severely ill, and a hazardous situation was detected when testing at the facility was done.  So the permits are locked up in the facility, and nobody is allowed inside until the company hired to decontaminate the facility arrives on the scene.

I'm pretty sure nobody has seen a sadder nearly 16-year-old boy than N was yesterday.

We are hoping his permit is released soon.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Lethargy, Black Holes, and Meh...

Blah, blah, blah... Life continues... Blah, blah, blah.

I have neglected this blog because I've been posting on Facebook so much, so very, very much.  However, all my FB posting has ceased lately.  I haven't been to FB to read anybody else's posts.  I have been down in the black hole, and so much of what I want to say when I have the energy to post at all is not for consumption by family members or certain friends.

I'm as far down the black hole as I've been in a long time.  The trigger seemed to be Robin Williams' death, which happened not long after I felt that I was managing to crawl out of the black hole or at least closer to the top of it.  He was 10 years older than I am. He fought depression for years, with some measure of success, meaning he didn't kill himself, until finally that black hole swallowed him whole.  Why that day and not any of the days before that one?  At what point, if ever, will I, after battling depression with some measure of success, finally succumb to the finality of the black hole's infinite depth?

These are the thoughts that have made themselves resident in my brain the last few weeks.  So much has been written about depression since then or at least been reprinted online since then that I have had much fodder for my hunger for information.  No matter how many times I read it or how many sources report it, I still struggle with depression being an actual medical disease rather than a moral or character failing.  Having grown up in a family that believed and taught that you just have to buck up and deal with it no matter what IT is, I struggle to deal with my IT in any way other than berating myself for my failure as a human being.  Not only can I not deal with it on my own, I'm not even succeeding with the combination of therapy and meds that I'm on.  I am, in my mind, a complete and utter failure.

I'm sitting so far down the black hole that I don't even see a way up.  It seems the only way is to sit here on this very low ledge in the hole (I still think the bottom, if there is a bottom to the black hole, is farther down) and stay as still as possible because any movement might make me fall even further into the hole.  I don't, at this moment, see the possibility of making progress upward.  I don't see stairs, a ladder, or even a rope.  I can't see myself committing suicide, but if I went to sleep and never awoke it seems like it would be a blessing in many ways for everyone.  If I just ceased to be... meh, who cares?

Please know that I continue to see my therapist regularly and that I have scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist for later this month even though I wouldn't normally have had another appointment with her until late November.  I'm trying to do what I can, but the lethargy that accompanies depression is a daunting foe.  Getting out of bed in the morning seems almost too much, yet I manage most days to do so, and to get dressed, and go to work, and take care of the essential things that W and N need from me.

I doubt people around me even really realize the depth of my depression.  When I do venture out into the world it is after I have psyched myself up to put on the face of one who is fine.  I don't even let my guard down around W or N because whenever I do it upsets them too much, and I don't want to worry either of them.  However, when I'm alone -- in the shower, in the car, in the restroom at work, wherever I catch that brief moment to myself -- I cry.  I cry, and I cry, and I cry.  For the least little reason or no reason at all, I cry as though my heart was breaking.

Proper Way to Eat M&Ms

The only proper way to eat M&Ms (for me, as a borderline OCD type) is to separate them by color first, and then eat them one at a time in the following order (this is for standard M&M colors; seasonals can cause extra thought and discomfort):
  1. Brown
  2. Red
  3. Yellow
  4. Green
  5. Orange & Blue -- These are the exception to the one at a time rule.  These are paired together as evenly as possible given the number of each color you have and are then eaten together in pairs.  If there is one odd orange or blue left over after pairing, you must eat that one first and then eat the rest by pairs.  If there are several more of one color than the other, you must pair two of the more plentiful with one of the less plentiful as many times as necessary to achieve either a one-to-one ratio or two-to-one ratio in each grouping, and then eat each grouping together.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Sunday Stealing: Cupid's Questions Meme

1.)Do you like Valentine's Day?  No
2.)Are you going to celebrate it? Not really
3.)Celebrate Valentine's Day with Friends or someone Special?  No
4.)Pink or red? Red
5.)Candy Hearts OR cards? Candy hearts
6.)A short kiss or a big hug?  Hugs are always welcome
7.)What are your plans for V-day?  Nothing
8.)What would be the best gift to receive? A million dollars
9.)Would get back with any of your ex's for V-day?  No f***ing way
10.)Is there a food or beverage you associate with V-day?  Chocolate
11.) What are your thoughts on "Love at first sight"? Never happens
12.)Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?  Sometimes, but it’s rare
13.) If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating or relationships what would it be?  Have more fun when you’re young and don’t get so hung up on finding a husband

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Sunday Stealing: Ask Me Meme

1:What was the last argument you had about?  Dinner
2:How long is your longest relationship?  25 years
3:What is something not many people know about you?  My passion for Bowling for Soup
4:Two truths and a lie. Go.   I have met and spoken with several well known basketball players and coaches. I was a licensed driver for 36 years before I got my first traffic ticket.  I pneumonia twice in the past year.
5:Do you believe in fate/destiny?  Yes
6:Where is somewhere you’ve always wanted to live? My grandparent's farm
7:Has there ever been a song that made you cry? Many
8:Do you jump/scare easily? Extremely
9:Which birthday has been your favorite? 50
10:Have you ever been pulled over? Arrested? Yes, no
11:Have you ever been to a fortune teller? No
12:What’s your favorite series of books? The Donna Parker series by Marcia Martin
13:Who is someone that you think knows the most about you outside of family? Probably my blog readers
14:What is the weirdest thing you’ve eaten? Brussels sprouts
15:List one of your quirks. I eat everything on my plate one thing at a time from least favorite to most favorite
16:State 1 bad habit of yours. Picking my nose
17:Has a scary movie ever given you nightmares? Oh yes
18:When was the last time you got your hair done in a salon? I believe it was two years ago, maybe three
19:What was the last thing you did with your friends? Progressive dinner
20:What’s something that you like to do that others might see as weird? Make lists, very detailed lists, of all kinds
21:What was the last trip you took? To my mom's over Christmas break

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Not Good at the Game

(Note:  This post was a quickly written, stream of consciousness kind of thing.  Apologies for a lack of coherency, cohesion, and flow from one paragraph to the next.)

I am so very not good at just fitting in the box.  I am so outside the box it isn’t even funny.

Most people seem to want to get out of serving on committees, heading up this or that, participating more than just the bare minimum.  It seems like it is society’s norm that we should all grumble about serving and expressing relief and joy at coming to the end of our term so that we can go back to being a do nothing lump.

That is just SO NOT ME.  I want to be involved.  I want to do things.  I want to be selected to serve on committees, to coordinate activities, to lead this or that.

So recently, when church leadership turned over, and my term as chairperson for one of the main committees ended I was surely disappointed that I was not asked to serve in any capacity for the upcoming year.  I guess I’m just supposed to sit back on my haunches and show up to worship every Sunday.  Bummer.

Why was I given this leave?  Did I do such an awful job that they didn’t want me to serve anywhere anymore?  Did they think I would appreciate having the year off?  Did they bother to tell me or ask me?  NO!  And I don’t really feel I can ask anyone because that just seems to go against all the expectations everyone has that this hiatus is a GOOD thing.

So, you know, I just decided to have myself a good old pity party the other night – whined, ate snacks that were bad for me, and just generally had a hissy fit.  Poor W.  He witnessed it all.  That’s one downside of living with me – my occasional inescapable self-indulgent pity parties.

Oh, but I’ve rebounded some now.  I’ve now decided that since the congregation has decided that anyone with an idea for a new initiative can run with it as long as they can find a second person to help spearhead it that I am going to see if I can’t find a second person to help me start a new women’s fellowship group for the church.  We used to have one, but it was all older ladies who have mostly died off.  I think the reason it was only older ladies was because they always met on weekday afternoons, when many younger women were at work.

So yes, you can keep me from formal leadership, but you can’t keep me from leading one way or another.  Yes, I am THAT woman in the congregation.  Can’t control me.  Can’t stop me no matter how hard you try.  Just one more pain in the butt, thorn in the side for those who are in formal leadership.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Might as Well Admit It

No matter how frustrating he can be, no matter what things he does that make me cringe, for some reason I just can't let W go.

He infuriates me with his curmudgeonly ways.  Does he have to be gruff and verbally combative about absolutely everything?  I don't know.
He embarrasses me in public with some of the things he says and way he says them.  Must he come across as accusatory and angry without the slightest bit of tact or diplomacy?  I don't know.
He scares me when I see "suicide" notes that he has written and left where they are not easy to stumble upon yet not altogether hidden either.  Does he truly intend to go through with it, or are they just ramblings?  I don't know.  Clearly they are a cry for help.
He baffles me with his constant complaints that N and I don't keep our stuff picked up well enough when he has stuff piled up in the office to the point of having to move his computer out to the dining room table and now the dining room table is buried in stuff too.  Is he trying to make a point?  I don't know.  If so, it is too obscure for me to understand.

And yet...
He cooks dinner almost every night -- if I tell him what to make and how to make it.
He adores me, for no reason that I can understand.
He puts up with all of my shit, and still does as much as he can to take care of me.
He does all the stuff I don't want to do, like load the dishwasher and make phone calls.

What it all boils down to is two deciding factors:
(1) I'm too damned scared to be on my own, and
(2) I would feel too guilty if I kicked him to the curb because of his health, both physical and emotional.

I know.  You've heard it all before.  It's just an ongoing cycle of lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat...

Friday, January 24, 2014

Just a Little Update

Until a few days ago, when I stopped my blog for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t realize that so much has happened that I haven’t gone on about here.

Here are the highlights:
Mission Trip – With assistance from a few kind angels who helped finance the trip (you know who you are) I was able to go to Jamaica last June and help distribute brand new shoes to children in several elementary schools there.  The children were a delight.  It was heartwarming to see how happy they were to receive brand new shoes.  As I fit them for their shoes, I told each one, “Thank you for letting me give you a pair of shoes.”  I thought it was important to thank them because it isn’t easy to let a stranger into your life, even for a few minutes, to give you something that maybe you feel ashamed that your family cannot afford on their own.  Plus I wanted them to know that I was grateful for the opportunity to serve them in my small way.

Discernment – I am in the discernment process about attending seminary.  While I feel a strong calling in that direction, I still tend to hesitate.  Recently, I applied for two different jobs in my current field and got neither of them.  Perhaps God has different plans for me than becoming a controller or accounting manager.  Perhaps I’m being too much of a Jonah.  Well, no, not Jonah, but a Moses.  Moses argued with God about being a leader.  He didn’t feel up to the job.  However, if God has plans for you, God has plans for you.  Maybe me not getting these jobs is a sign that I really am supposed to walk through that widening door of opportunity to go into ministry.

J – Oh goodness, I have come to the conclusion that J and I will always be some part of each other’s lives until one of us dies.  We certainly can’t give each other up entirely.  That being said, we haven’t seen each other since the last time mentioned on this blog.  He is still with his wife.  We occasionally private message each other on a social networking site… just to talk, to touch base, to stay connected.  I don’t know if this good, or bad, or sad, or what.  It just is.

BJ – I still think of him too often.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Home life – N continues to grow.  As a teen he is testing the waters of independence, pushing boundaries, and much of the time insists I am the meanest mom on earth.  Whatever… W continues to be the curmudgeonly old man, and although he had quite the medical scare a few months back, he is still tough as nails and as close to immortal as I have ever seen anyone be.  Yep, looks like I’m really in this for the long haul.  We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last summer.  Never thought I’d see that day…

Sex – There ain’t none, nowhere, no how, no offers, no takers, nope, nothin’, nada, zilch, zip.  Sometimes life sucks.

Who knows how long it’ll take me to get back here, but I hope I continue to post here occasionally.  I like going back and reading my own history, and it bums me out when there are big breaks in the action!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014


I haven't posted since March of last year?!?  Really?!?  Wow... just wow...

So much to say, no time to say it.

Oh well, just know that I am alive and well (sort of) and hoping to eventually get back in the habit of writing here.

How's that for a short post that says nothing?