Monday, April 18, 2011

Getting Old ≠ Growing Up

So I started talking about him here a long time ago. Then a couple of months ago this happened. And I just let it lay there without follow up of any kind.

Now we are to this week, the week that I turn 50. The week I reach a half century of experience and, one would hope, wisdom.

And now. . .
this week. . .
on my very birthday in fact. . .
he is having lunch with me. . .
at his invitation. . .
without any nudging from me. . .

He just happens to be coming through town he says.
Wonders if I’d like to have coffee or lunch with him he says.
Of course I would like that I say.
What perfect timing I say.
I’m taking the day off for my birthday and have no plans other than to sleep late and goof off I say.

We say all of this via Facebook messages. Not out in the open on Facebook, but the private message part of Facebook. So nobody necessarily knows but us. And now you.

And you know what? It is all nothing. Just two old friends (one of whom just happens to still be somewhat in love with the other but what of it) getting together for lunch to talk about old times. That’s it. That’s all. Really.

And who knows? He may have his wife with him. He hasn’t said he will. He hasn’t said he won’t. He hasn’t really mentioned her at all.

And you know what the truth of the matter is? If there is anything, absolutely anything, that is hinted at from him beyond two old friends having lunch to chat about old times, then I will KNOW, absolutely know, 100% beyond all doubt, that I am the worst judge of character in the entire world and wouldn’t know a stand up guy if I tripped over him. Because I absolutely, positively believe that he is a man of character, a man of high moral fiber, a man different from other men I’ve loved. When it comes right down to it, as much as it would thrill me if there was still a connection there, it would disappoint me just as much. I want him to be the proof for me that there are decent guys out there.

2 comments:

Val said...

Well, what a Good Friday for you ;-) !
You never forget your first love; I still hear news of mine (we're also FB friends) through the grapevine (might as well admit it here; his mom is my godmother & our mothers are lifelong BFF's). He's just ended his 3rd marriage & I find myself enmeshed in improbable fantasy scenarios: I was too much of a baby sister to him then, undoubtedly just as unappealing to him now (not to mention MARRIED)...

deborahkay2011 said...

Wait tll you are near 50 like me...... 2 months.