Friday, October 08, 2010

Two Huge Crushes

I have two huge crushes right now. One is one of those celebrity-it’ll-never-come-to-anything crushes. The other is an honest to goodness real life person known to me personally through my social circle. (Now, how odd does that sound coming from such a social misfit like me, that I would have a social circle. Oddly enough, I do seem to be developing one here. Go figure.)

So first the frivolous one. Bret Michaels. OMG I am in absolute head-over-heels lust over him. I didn’t even know who he was until he was on Celebrity Apprentice. I think it’s the bad boy image combined with his gorgeous blue eyes and long blond hair that did me in first. Then it was his music. I just bought his latest CD, Custom Built and I just know he sings Lie to Me directly to me. Mmm. . . baby I’ll lie to you any day. Just drop on by.

Then to the real one. TS2, that’s what I’ll call her because her first name is the same as mine. I have had sort of a crush on her since I’ve known her the past couple of years. However, she was in a relationship which put her off limits to me. What’s that, you say? Never stopped me before? Oh, I know, but TS2 is different. If I had a relationship with her I didn’t want a physical only relationship but a real honest to goodness relationship. In other words, for one thing I couldn’t trust myself to keep it physical only and not fall for her in a big way, and for another thing I wouldn’t want to do or suggest anything that would cause her to think less of me and ruin any chance I might have with her at any time. So I’ve kept her (mostly) out of my mind in that way.

But now. . . now, I’m helping her with a project for an organization we both belong to, and while chatting she shares with me that she and her partner have broken up. Unfortunately, TS2 can’t afford to move out right now so she is still living in her ex’s house. (Somewhat parallel lives what with W living at my house and now that he’s being sued for the debt he wracked up while we were separated (yeah, that was nice when the police officer showed up at the door just last night to deliver that bad news) I am considering going ahead with the divorce to ensure that his debts don’t haunt me forevermore, meaning he would literally be an ex living in his ex’s house because he can’t afford to live elsewhere.) Anyway, TS2 is free now to do what she wants and see who she wants. My heart leapt a little as we talked about her situation. This was about a week ago. I have thought and thought about this for the past week, oh perhaps even obsessed just a bit. (Obsession – a little bad habit I have, though I probably needn’t mention that. You’ve probably noticed it in previous writings of mine)

So now I took a huge leap (in one way and yet in another it was more taking a subtle and non-committal leap that won’t put my heart at risk – just yet – maybe) and have offered to let TS2 rent a room in my house from me so that she can escape her awkward living situation. It isn’t as if we (W and I) haven’t rented rooms out before. We have – a few times – and for the most part I just have a the-more-the-merrier attitude about it. To me this would be not complicated at all if it weren’t for the crush I have on TS2 (and no, she doesn’t know or at least I don’t think she does) and if it weren’t for the way TS2 looks at me when she talks to me. (or am I reading more into what I see in her eyes just because I want it to be there?)

And really people, how complicated could this all get if TS2 and I did end up falling for each other? I know, really, really complicated. I know.

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