So. . . . . . . . . . . . .

I’ve been reading the newest book by Geneen Roth, Women, Food and God. I’ve been a fan of Roth’s books for a while now. She basically takes an approach to weight loss that is focused at the emotions and feelings that contribute to overeating rather than trying to control food itself. I like her approach because I recognize in myself that there are psychological/emotional issues that are at the heart of my eating problems. Eating for me has nothing to do with physical hunger or staying alive. Eating for me is comfort, a friend, a way to soothe the boredom, a way of asserting my independence, a way to try to quiet the demons inside me. In other words, I have an addiction and my drug of choice is food.

Anyway, her newest book deals a lot with the spiritual side of us and also with what she calls The Voice. The Voice is that internal dialogue people keep up inside themselves. The Voice generally is like a tape playing over and over lessons learned from childhood, perhaps from parents, perhaps teachers, perhaps peers, anyone that ever may have criticized you or set you straight on a particular matter. My Voice is particularly cruel, though I don’t believe any crueler than many others’ Voices. The Voice reminds me over and over that I will never be good enough no matter how hard I try. The Voice demands that I acknowledge that I am a failure at all that I do. The Voice reminds me of all the ways in which I am less than, flawed, not up to par.

Roth’s book speaks to the ways in which one can silence The Voice. One of these ways is when a feeling arises to take that feeling and inquire with oneself about the feeling. Rather than stuffing it, ignoring it, eating it away, take it out and look at it, observe it, see how it feels. I have been trying the last few days to do this thing, and it is hard. It is so very hard sometimes, and yet when I am successful at doing it I find it to be a very freeing experience. By taking the judgment out and letting it be whatever it is, the feeling loses its power. I become the powerful one, the one in charge.

I have learned through the years that I cannot be trusted to make my own choices when it comes to food. I am now trying to unlearn this. I am now trying to listen to and give credence to my body. For years I have seen my body as my enemy. I have fought the good fight, clamping down with iron will against eating the things my body says that it wants. Then finally (and this always happens sometime, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but always sometime) I get tired and pissed off and at that point I go in with a “Screw you!” attitude, and I eat. I eat and I eat and I eat. I eat beyond the point of fullness. I eat without pleasure. I barely taste what I’m eating. But I eat. Screw you world who doesn’t want me to eat. Screw you! Take that. And then comes the misery, the stomach ache, the heartburn, the added poundage on an already overweight body. The food, the eating, it is all just a symptom of a much deeper more profound problem. Without addressing that deeper problem there is no diet, no nutritional program, no exercise program, no surgery, no pill that is ever going to help me lose weight.

And yes, I know this is all territory I have covered before. I’m just still trying to get it transferred from head knowledge to heart knowledge, ya’ know?

Self Help

Well, last night was a first. It was the first night of W's and my agreement on responsibility for N and freedom to come and go when we don't have responsibility for N. Last night was W's turn to care for N and my turn for freedom. Tonight will be W's turn for freedom and my turn to care for N.

Now, please understand that I had nothing to do last night. K wasn't available so no fun and games. C was working late so no hanging with my best friend. I could've chosen to stay home, but then what would the point be of having new found freedom? Being the independent sort (or at least the independent wannabe sort) I went ahead and went out all by myself. I treated myself to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, but first I treated myself to a trip to the bookstore, one of my favorite haunts, and browsed the books there. I browsed particularly through the bargain racks as always, but then I also headed to the self-help section. In that section, I found It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. I picked the book up and looked through it. I liked it. I carried it around the store while I browsed some more. Finally, I made my way to the cashier and bought the book.

Over dinner, and continuing through a mocha at Starbucks after dinner, I read the first 90 pages of the book. What a great book! I am enjoying it immensely and highly recommend it to any woman going through a break up. Over and over in my reading I thought about both of my break ups, with BJ and with W. How different they are in so many ways yet how similar in others. As I read I would see me in relation to the BJ breakup. Then I'd read further and see me in relation to the W breakup. I realized while doing all this reading that, damn, dealing with two virtually simultaneous breakups is brutal. If I didn't think of myself as strong before I certainly do now. I am one strong woman.

Yay me!

I Love a Quiz That is Right On Target

Which Author's Fiction are You?

Jane Austen wrote you. You are extremely aware of the power of a single word.
Take this quiz!








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Well, this one definitely didn't surprise me. Jane Austen has long been a favorite author of mine, and I read most, if not all, of her books when I was in high school and college. It makes me want to go back and reread them again because it's been a while since I've read them.

A Day at The Beach

I've been reading a particular blog for a long time that isn't in my list on the right. It's on my list that I read from my other blogger persona. She posts under the name Sandy and calls her blog A Day at The Beach. I was struck by two particular posts and would like to share them with my blogger friends:

Prodigal

and

Two Cent Psychologist on Marriage

Give her a try. See what you think.

Well, I found this fascinating

As I was surfing across cyberspace today I ran across the following article on wikiHow. If you are someone that puts great stock in psychics and the like and don't want your myth destroyed you may not want to read the article. If however, like me you are a skeptic and have always thought it was trickery and had figured out some of their tricks but not as many as you'd like then definitely check it out.

How to Cold Read

Now, of course I would never, ever encourage you to use the techniques outlined, particularly on gullible people with more money than brains. Really, that would be very very wrong.

Never Thought I'd Be Quoting Lee Iacocca

But hey, I'm reading the guy's new book, Where Have All the Leaders Gone?, and I like it. I like it a lot. To read an excerpt from it CLICK HERE.

One of my favorite quotes from the book so far:

A leader has to be a person of CHARACTER. That means knowing the difference between right and wrong and having the guts to do the right thing. Abraham Lincoln once said, "If you want to test a man's character, give him power." George Bush has a lot of power. What does it say about his character? Bush has shown a willingness to take bold action on the world stage because he has the power, but he shows little regard for the grievous consequences. He has sent our troops (not to mention hundreds of thousands of innocent Iraqi citizens) to their deaths—for what? To build our oil reserves? To avenge his daddy because Saddam Hussein once tried to have him killed? To show his daddy he's tougher? The motivations behind the war in Iraq are questionable, and the execution of the war has been a disaster. A man of character does not ask a single soldier to die for a failed policy.

Oops, there I go showing my political leanings again.