The Intangibles

Well, I recently stepped back into the pulpit for a Sunday.  It was Pentecost and the scripture I preached from was Ezekiel 37.  Below you will find the text of my sermon.

I would like to share with you a quote from one of my favorite movies, Miracle on 34th Street, the 1947 version with Maureen O’Hara and Natalie Wood. Fred Gailey, the attorney who defends Kris Kringle, is speaking to Doris, the Maureen O’Hara character, who has had enough heartache in her life that her heart is hardened and her spirit is broken. She is very set on making sure her daughter is raised without anything but absolute tangible reality.

The quote:

Look Doris, someday you're going to find that your way of facing this realistic world just doesn't work. And when you do, don't overlook those lovely intangibles. You'll discover those are the only things that are worthwhile.

Intangibles. Difficult concept to grasp because intangibles are just that, intangible. When I looked up intangible in the online dictionary it not so helpfully said “something that is not tangible.” Continuing my quest, I looked up tangible, and here’s what I found:

Tangible a : capable of being perceived especially by the sense of touch : PALPABLE b : substantially real : MATERIAL

The Holy Spirit is one of those intangibles. The Holy Spirit is definitely something that is not capable of being perceived especially by the sense of touch. The Holy Spirit is not palpable or material. I might argue the “substantially real” part. I don’t particularly think of intangibles as being unreal although I suppose if you use “substantially” as meaning something of worldly substance then okay I suppose so.

I don’t know about you, maybe you have an easier time with intangibles than I do. Maybe you find it easy to interpret metaphor and imagery and to read between the lines. I tend to be a fairly linear, factual, black and white kind of gal. In school, literature classes struck terror into me the way differential equations never could. When presented with a book such as the Bible, filled with literary devices, I cringe. Then there are the intangibles like faith in a God I cannot see or touch, a Spirit who lives in my heart; these are difficult for people like me, people who like the concrete, the predictable, the facts of the matter.

So when faced with a lectionary passage such as Ezekiel 37 for sermon material, I sighed and realized all those literature classes might have been worth something to me after all. Maybe I can look beyond face value of the words and see the message beyond. Maybe I can find the intangible message lurking amongst the words, and maybe, just maybe, I could share what I find with the rest of you in a way that helps you understand too.

To start let’s put the Ezekiel passage we heard earlier in context. This passage depicts not something purported to have actually happened but a vision that Ezekiel had at a time when things were looking mighty bleak, both for Ezekiel himself, and for the nation of Israel of which he was a part. Ezekiel had been reduced from a prominent position of future priest in Jerusalem to that of a temple-less priest in exile. His wife died and God told him not to mourn her passing as an example to the exiled community not to mourn the loss of the Temple. Talk about needing a stiff upper lip! This all happened in the midst of a two year siege by the Babylonians on Jerusalem where many were tortured and died and the remainder were forced to migrate to Babylon.

Just about all hope is gone; death has conquered; oppression rules in the land; and the outcast, the dispossessed, the marginalized sink deeper into their graves. And yet, in the midst of despair, there is a call from God to Ezekiel to see that a promise exists that what was once dead will again breathe life. Not literally, but to see that through the intangible spirit of God that despair and pain can be turned to hope and comfort.

That same Holy Spirit descended into the midst of the disciples on Pentecost. This was a time when, as Ryan shared here last week, there must have been an awful void. Jesus was no longer among them. Their work to carry on his message must have felt like the weight of the world on their shoulders. They very well could have become so discouraged that they allowed themselves to wither and become old dry bones. Then the Spirit came as wind and tongues of fire and turned things around. All who were present felt the Spirit and were renewed by the Spirit into new life, ready to continue the work that Jesus had started.

In the present day, those who exist at the margins of society – because of orientation, ethnicity, gender, ability, or economic status – can become so discouraged that they just want to roll over and die, simply wasting away until they, too, become old dry bones.

To those who are old dry bones, the words Job’s friends shared with him in Job 2:9 often sound like good advice, “Curse God and die.” Seeing hatred rule through the passage of referendums, propositions, constitutional amendments, and laws that rob humans, all of whom are created in God’s image, of dignity is enough to make one want to give up, to curse God and die. And yet, in the midst of death’s victory and the grave’s sting, we are told that the dry bones can be put back together, can have flesh restored and have new life through God. The Holy Spirit keeps us from falling to the way-side, from wasting away under the burdens of hatred and oppression.

We see the Spirit at work today. Take the It Gets Better project, for example. Countless people have posted video messages on YouTube aimed at breathing new life into those who are being bullied in school, often for their sexual orientation, young people with old dry bones as a result of verbal and sometimes physical battering just because they are “different.”

How many of us are like Doris from the movie? How many of us have felt cheated in life? How many of us have been abused? How many of us haven’t had a fair hand dealt to us? How easy is it for us at those times to want to go crawl into bed, curl up and let ourselves become dry bones? The promise of a new Spirit, new breath, and new possibilities for justice is sometimes all we have to hold on to in an environment in which new laws are passed that continue to rob some of their humanity. Full justice may never get to rule in our lifetime, but the struggle continues, turning our dry bones into pregnant seeds that when buried will produce new life for the struggle to continue.

I close by paraphrasing another quote from Miracle on 34th Street:

Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to. Don't you see? It's not just we who are on trial, it's everything we stand for. It's kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles of a loving, breathing, still speaking God.

**************************************

So there it is.  A short and sweet sermon, delivered to a smaller than normal crowd thanks to it being delivered on Memorial Day weekend.  I know that some of the things I said will not sit well with some so-called Christians, the ones who seek to exclude rather than include, but it reflects my beliefs and my faith.

I continue to ponder the possibility of a second career as a minister and have received a great deal of encouragement.  Seminary seems more and more appealing, and God does seem to be calling me to something.  Just not sure what yet.  I keep trying to listen.

More Irrational Anger

A third death on top of the first two is just too damned much. This time it is my cousin’s mother-in-law. Now I know that doesn’t sound like a very close relationship to me. However, when we lived in LOH we hung out with my cousin’s family a lot, and his MIL was often around. I got to know her, not terribly well, but well enough to know what a wonderful, caring mother and grandmother she was.

Just a couple of months ago she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. It was fast moving, painful, and debilitating. Nothing could be done but treat the pain and wait. Wait for her to die. Many friends and family came to see her in her last months. My cousin’s family life was thrown into upheaval. It has been a whirlwind.

There are so many things for which I am angry, some big, some small, some petty as hell. Sometimes I think it is just easier to be angry about the petty things than to face the big things. We focus on petty little shit because it doesn’t feel quite as scary as the big stuff. For instance, I am pissed off that due to her death, my cousin will not be able to make a visit to see me and attend an event with me as planned. It’s easy to be angry about that. It’s easy to focus on poor me, and oh we’ll be missing out on all the fun we would have had. It’s harder to focus on the unfairness of ten adolescents and children losing their grandmother who loved them, who loved to watch them as they are growing into fine young adults. That is just too big for me to wrap my head around.

While we’re talking about petty let’s talk about how I feel one death keeps upstaging the last one, like somehow we need to be done grieving grandmother to grieve father and then finish grieving father so we can grieve with and comfort cousin and his family on their loss. I know intellectually that isn’t how it is, and that there’s room for all the grief to coexist, but somehow emotionally it just feels like in order not to become overwhelmed you just have to drop one to move on to the next. Rational? No, but that is the feeling I have.

Truth be told I just want people I care about to stop dying.

And one last thing to get off my chest for right now. I know there is a certain segment of Christianity that rejoices in the death of a loved one because that loved one is now with Jesus. That’s fine if that’s how they want to deal with it for themselves and their loved ones. However, when sending “condolences” to me don’t tell me that I should be rejoicing now that Dad is with Jesus. I am not rejoicing. I will not rejoice at Dad’s death no matter what spin you put on it. Dad may well be with Jesus now and may be in a better place and may be without pain and sorrows, and that’s great for Dad. That’s great for Jesus because I’m sure He’ll enjoy Dad’s company. And it still means I’m left here without my Daddy. And it hurts. And I grieve. And I don’t rejoice at all that God took Dad home to be with Him. I may find some small comfort in knowing those things, but I surely don’t and won’t rejoice. I’ll surely remember, though, who those people are who have told me to rejoice and rest assured I’ll rejoice, maybe even dance on their graves, when they die and go to be with God.

Thursday Therapy: High Anxiety

This week’s session with Freud was devoted to my anxiety and shyness.
Although I haven’t had any panic attacks lately (I did come close at one point but somehow managed to bring myself down before it went into full blown panic attack mode), my general anxiety level is pretty high recently.

As if I weren’t dealing with enough on the personal front the work front became very rocky lately. As is quite common given the general state of the economy the company for which I work is having its share of difficulties, and truth be told is probably in better shape than many. However, there are uncertainties out there that lead to certain actions which contribute to instability in my own personal job. I’m being vague intentionally here as I’ve garnered something of a local audience and wish to remain somewhat anonymous at least. Anyway, there is restlessness among the ranks at work. Add to this that both my direct supervisor and the supervisor above him resigned within the last few weeks, and you have the makings for some pretty high anxiety on my part.

There is good and bad with the new supervisor. He apparently entered the job with the assumption that I am moron. Therefore, anytime I do something right (most of the time) he acts pleasantly surprised that I’m not quite the moron he thought. At least he seems to be keeping an open mind and letting me demonstrate that I have something to offer. Just because the last supervisor tried to fit me, a square peg, into a round hole doesn’t mean that I don’t have something to offer. Fortunately, the new supervisor seems committed to maximizing the skills and talents that each of us brings instead of making us little clones of him like the former one did.

Also, one of the things that holds me back at work is my overwhelming shyness. Left to my own devices I sit in my cubicle working away and never say anything to anybody. I have this overwhelming fear of bothering other people so if I don’t have something important to say or an important question to ask I just shut up and mind my own business. This makes me come across as various things to various people: arrogant, unfriendly, stuck up, haughty. It doesn’t come across good in any way. I am none of those things. I’m just afraid of everyone. All it would take is a kind word, an opening gambit to get me to open up. I feel like a stranger in a strange land. When I try to psych myself up to reach out with my own opening gambit I generate so much fear in myself that I freeze up, not to mention waste too much work time with my energies focused that way. It becomes easier to not try and to continue to sit in front of my computer.

So Freud and I talked about how this whole anxiety, shyness, fear, need for public approval thing affects so many areas of my life. It affects work. It affects friendships. It affects my church life. It affects my intimate relationships. It affects virtually every area of my life.

There is something of a paradox here. I want people to accept me as I am. I also want people to like me. I find that people don’t like me as I am. I try to change into who people want me to be in order to like me. I am incredibly uncomfortable being someone whom I am not. I find that I still don’t fit in, and people still don’t like me. I revert back to who I really am and wish fervently that people would accept me as I am.

And maybe I twist religion around to fit my needs. I so badly want and need unconditional love and forgiveness and caring that I cling to the promises of God. I cling to Jesus’ unparalleled caring for the unlovable, the outcasts, the shamed. I cling with the hope that someday when I move beyond this world I will move into the next where I will be loved, accepted and cared for without question. It is that hope to which I cling. It is that hope that puts compassion in my heart for others who feel disenfranchised and make me desire to share that hope with them, if only my shyness didn’t intervene.

And always, always, always, it comes back around to me being overwhelmingly angry that I am so often misunderstood and so often left out because of it. Yes, on Tuesday Freud and I started to expose a burning anger within me that I must sort through. We must, because I cannot continue going through life being angry and turning that anger inward toward myself.

PMS Is Not the Only Reason to be Grumpy

Spent time with J on Saturday. I was suffering a bout of PMS (knew I was close to starting. . . hoped it would hold off. . . and it did. . . until yesterday. . . when it arrived in full force with all its glory. . . where's my chocolate?) which is probably why I was not so happy about how things went.

My biggest reaction to the entire four hours we spent together is this:

Will the man never shut up?!?!?

Could I maybe get a word in edgewise somewhere? Must every moment be filled with words? Must everything he tells me have to be about his first ex-wife and how she’s not letting him see his kids enough, or T and how she’s still managing to mess up his life, or his current wife and how annoying she is? Worse yet, is when he starts in on the whole evangelistic sharing. Dude, you’re lying naked next to someone not your wife. Preaching straight-laced Christian fundamentalism seems somehow dissonant at that point.

And yet, there I am, sharing the cost of a room, patiently listening, trying to find a way to somehow get a little fulfillment for myself from all of this. I even asked him to stay longer. I don’t know, maybe hope springs eternal that if we were around each other long enough he’d listen to me too, perhaps even ask how I’m doing.

But let’s be realistic here. That isn’t going to happen. He’s so wrapped up in himself, in his own needs, in his own life, that I’m nothing but a warm place to put it occasionally.

Maybe PMS has very little to do with why I wasn’t so happy with how things went. Maybe I was unhappy because the whole thing sucked. It was all about him and not at all about me, or us. He’s a selfish bastard, and I deserve so much better. Why does he have to prove that repeatedly? Why can’t I just get the message and move on? Sigh. . . so much personal growth is still needed here.

Also, the last couple of times with J before this one seemed so much better to me. I think it was because I was using J for revenge sex. I was being utterly defiant of BJ and our relationship by going behind his back and screwing someone else, getting revenge for hurts BJ had caused me. Now, without that as motivation there’s just nothing there for me when J and I get together, because the sex isn’t good, the company isn’t good; there’s just not one good reason to ever do this again.

Hmm, yeah, wonder how long this resolve will hold out. . .

Health Care Thoughts

I have wanted to address this topic for some time but have struggled to really put my thoughts together in a good coherent fashion (no surprise there!) so I haven't. However, I recently ran across the following at the Sojourners' website:

A Christian Creed on Health-Care Reform

In the face of negative ads, partisan rhetoric, and a news cycle filled with fear and half-truths about health-care reform, Christians must affirm that we believe in: quality, affordable access to life-giving services for all people.

As one of God's children, I believe that protecting the health of each human being is a profoundly important personal and communal responsibility for people of faith.


I believe God created each person in the divine image to be spiritually and physically healthy. I feel the pain of sickness and disease in our broken world (Genesis 1:27, Romans 8:22).


I believe life and healing are core tenets of the Christian life. Christ's ministry included physical healing, and we are called to participate in God's new creation as instruments of healing and redemption (Matthew 4:23, Luke 9:1-6; Mark 7:32-35, Acts 10:38). Our nation should strive to ensure all people have access to life-giving treatments and care.


I believe, as taught by the Hebrew prophets and Jesus, that the measure of a society is seen in how it treats the most vulnerable. The current discussion about health-care reform is important for the United States to move toward a more just system of providing care to all people (Isaiah 1:16-17, Jeremiah 7:5-7, Matthew 25:31-45).


I believe that all people have a moral obligation to tell the truth. To serve the common good of our entire nation, all parties debating reform should tell the truth and refrain from distorting facts or using fear-based messaging (Leviticus 19:11; Ephesians 4:14-15, 25; Proverbs 6:16-19).


I believe that Christians should seek to bring health and well-being (shalom) to the society into which God has placed us, for a healthy society benefits all members (Jeremiah 29:7).


I believe in a time when all will live long and healthy lives, from infancy to old age (Isaiah 65:20), and "mourning and crying and pain will be no more" (Revelation 21:4). My heart breaks for my brothers and sisters who watch their loved ones suffer, or who suffer themselves, because they cannot afford a trip to the doctor. I stand with them in their suffering.


I believe health-care reform must rest on a foundation of values that affirm each and every life as a sacred gift from the Creator (Genesis 2:7).


Amen.

Yeah, that pretty well somes up how I feel about it.  If you feel similarly and would like to sign this creed and send it to your legislators then click here.
In addition they have published a good health care discussion guide in case you'd like to read it.

Yes, I’ve Probably Gone Round the Bend

I submit to you as evidence of the title’s claim the following:

• I have requested an application to be a visiting student next semester at a local seminary and am seriously and prayerfully considering attending seminary to become an ordained minister depending in part on how this first class goes.


• I am attending my high school reunion this weekend (class of ’79) and am terrified that I will still, 30 years later, be the loser nerd in the corner to whom nobody speaks.


• I am letting N get his ear pierced and have agreed to get my ears pierced with a second set of holes at the same time. Just what I need, more holes in my head.

“What Do I Know?”

The title of this post is the title of my sermon from this past Sunday, my second appearance in the pulpit. The scriptures upon which I based the sermon are 2 Samuel 7:1-13 and Ephesians 2:11-22.

In case you missed church on Sunday, or you just want a little light reading to put you to sleep, behold the words I preached below:


The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know. Nothing reminds me so much of how little I know as when my son N asks me how various things work. I don’t know how gravity works. I just know that it does. I don’t know my PC works, but I do know how to use it to create spreadsheets and look up bus schedules on the Internet among other things. I don’t know what God or heaven or hell looks like, but I know that God is with me at all times. So much I don’t know, even when it seems as if I’m learning new things all the time.

In this interim time between settled pastors, many have stood before you here in this role bringing a message to you that will, if all goes well, strengthen your spiritual life and your bond with God. I know that I, and I’m guessing a few others who’ve been in this position, have thought, “What am I doing??!?? What do I know?!?” And yet, through God’s grace and perhaps through a dose of human foolhardiness, we keep coming together. We keep entering and continuing a conversation about who God calls us to be and what God calls us to do.

I’ve been thinking about all this knowing and not knowing stuff as I read and prayed with this morning’s scripture passages, as I researched and wrote this sermon, and as I continue to read and pray about the violence, hate, and destruction that is in our world, particularly in so many areas in the Middle East. I know a little, but I don’t know a great deal.

In the context of the Middle East, there is much I do not know about what governmental, diplomatic, military, or humanitarian actions hold the greatest chance to build the foundation for a lasting peace. There is much I do not know about the roots of ferocious hate in the Middle East and the unwillingness even to acknowledge the humanity of the people who have become the “despised other.” There is much I do not know about how political leaders and demagogues distort the religious traditions and faiths of the Middle East – and of the United States – in their thirst for power and perverse glory.

But there are a few things that I do know. I know that many of us here this morning seek to be disciples or followers of Jesus, whether we understand him to be the Messiah – the Christ – or to be one of history’s great teachers of wisdom and compassion. And I know that what we have received from our spiritual ancestors, our grandmothers and grandfathers in faith, is that Jesus taught his followers to love their enemies. What we have received from those who have gone before us are the stories of Jesus repeatedly reaching across the 1st century equivalent of our national, ethnic, racial, and religious divides, reaching across them with the healing power of the love of God. What we have received is the story that on the night he was betrayed and arrested, Jesus told his disciples to put away their swords, and then he healed the high priest’s slave who had been wounded by one of Jesus’ own disciples. And we have also received the story that, after he had been betrayed, abandoned, ridiculed, and then tortured and left to die, Jesus asked God to forgive his tormentors.

These are some of the things I know that I hold close in my heart as I try to envision peace in the midst of the carnage of war.

I also know that we in this congregation have been blessed with living in a vibrant community filled with diversity. The university brings people together from a wide variety of races, cultures, religions, nationalities, skin colors, and ages, much more so than for many Midwestern communities our size. The relationship between our congregation and people living here in LNJ who we may think are so unlike us is a gift of grace, which God asks us to celebrate and nurture. It is a gift that we and the world need now more than ever. As national and international debate, public and private conversations, frequently and mistakenly equate the actions of governments or other powerful groups with the content and commitments of the people from that region/religion/culture, I urge all of us in this congregation to recognize how much we don’t know about those other regions of the world and the people who inhabit them. I urge us to recognize how much we don’t know about whether our Jewish brothers and sisters believe Israeli actions are consistent with the dictates of Jewish faith and tradition or whether our Muslim brothers and sisters believe Al Qaida’s actions are consistent with the dictates of Muslim faith and tradition. As a Christian, I do not believe that my own country’s actions are always consistent with Christianity so I urge us all not to presume about others. Instead, let us take advantage of this great diversity in our community and get to know people of other cultures and backgrounds with open hearts and minds, to have real discussions and form our opinions of people based on who they are rather than on stereotypes or preconceived notions.

I am mindful this morning of knowing and not knowing for reasons beyond current headlines. I’m also aware of knowing and not knowing because today’s reading from the Second Book of Samuel points us toward the centrality of King David and the Jerusalem temple in Jewish history and identity. The roles of David and the temple in Jewish scripture and self-understanding are complex and fascinating … and are largely outside our experience and understanding as 21st century Christians living in the United States.

In our encounters with David in the Bible, I see a lot of you and me in him. The David in this book is thoroughly human … at times a faithful and humble servant of God and at other times a willful, ego-driven human being. Most often, as in this morning’s reading, he is both, simultaneously. As the Second Book of Samuel describes this time in David’s life, David is faithful in celebrating and giving thanks to God for all his good fortune, his military and political successes. He worships and praises his God, but then he decides it’s his turn to be the giver and God’s turn to be the receiver. David decides that he needs to build God a house, a permanent temple in Jerusalem.

David has his own agenda, but it’s not God’s agenda. Instead of waiting to hear God’s voice, instead of seeking to discern God’s movement in his life and the life of the people of Israel, David wants to forge ahead and build God a house, a house that David may hope will contain and tame God. But God was and remains uncontainable and untamable. David never gets to build that house.

And yet, David’s son Solomon does build that house of God, the Jerusalem temple. It becomes a sacred space, a focus of religious life and worship. Over the subsequent centuries, the temple is destroyed, rebuilt, and destroyed again. At different times, it served as a holy place of truth and community, but the gospel stories also tell us that it became a profane place of exclusion and greed.

As we consider our own sacred spaces, let’s remember that the vulnerability of the Jerusalem temple to misuse and unfaithfulness is our vulnerability, too. Our house and other houses of God can be places of rest, beauty, inspiration, and community, but because of our own limitations and fears, they can also become places of exclusion and separation. They can become places where we lose sight that we are called to love and serve God through loving and serving God’s wider creation.

Here at our church, many church members are putting their money, time, energy, and creativity into maintaining and improving this particular physical house of God, as have so many people through the years. In addition, many have stepped up to fill the many gaps during this interim period between settled pastors. So many, both past and present, generously share their resources and talents in service to the church. This is something to be celebrated and for which we should give thanks. But through scripture, through God’s voice in our own hearts, and through God’s voice that comes from our sisters and brothers in our community and around the world, calling out in pain and in need, we encounter what Jesus’ first disciples encountered. We encounter God’s deep, powerful love for us and for our immediate community, but we also discover that God’s love includes an equally deep and powerful call to serve our sisters and brothers outside this church. The Holy Spirit seeks to bind up our wounds, fill us with hope, and bless us beyond our knowing. But we are given that healing, hope, and blessing, not solely so that we can gather with one another and celebrate those gifts. We are given that healing, hope, and blessing, so that we can share it beyond the literal and figurative walls of this house of God. I’m not saying that we don’t already share those gifts. I’m simply reminding all of us, myself included, that we need always to listen for and then respond to God’s call to share them.

I recently read about a Bill Moyers’ interview with writer Mary Gordon. In that interview, Gordon said that the most dangerous or damaging linguistic move we’ve ever made is to embrace “either/or” as the foundation of our understanding of the world and ourselves. I hadn’t thought much about it before, but I realized that I do often think in “either/or” terms. However, the faithful, loving life does not require that we choose between either caring and nurturing one another within our immediate community or caring and nurturing our sisters and brothers beyond it. The two are not in opposition; they are intimately intertwined. We are called to take what we learn and experience of God here and offer it in places and to people who are outside these walls. And we are called to bring what we learn and experience of God elsewhere and offer it to one another within these walls. “Both/and” not “either/or.” This combined ministry can be a beautiful dance of mutual interdependence. It can be a beautiful tapestry of healing and love.

And now, allow me to return to that opening theme of knowing and not knowing. There is much I do not know about what we will be called to do as a congregation, within and outside the walls of this house of God. Presently, I do not know, just as most of you do not know, anything about the next pastor we will call to this church, whoever that may be once the search process is concluded. Much of our future remains shrouded in mystery, unseen and as yet unknown. But I do know that one of the greatest joys of ministry – for we are all in ministry here – is to be participants in the unfolding of such a mystery. I also know that God calls us together and calls us to support, challenge, and love one another, within this particular house of God and within the whole house of God, within the whole of creation. May we have the courage, patience, and faith to answer God’s call.

Amen.


Excerpts from “Houses of God” used by permission from
©Rev. Nancy Alma Taylor
First Congregational Church of Sonoma, UCC

Some Pictures Speak for Themselves

see more Political Pictures

In Support of Gay Marriage

I know not all my readers agree with me on this issue, and that's okay. In this country, we have the right to our own opinions. This is mine.


"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

The Preachin' Poll

After my experience in the pulpit I decided to put up a poll to see how my readers would react if invited to preach. For the first few days the poll was up everybody was responding that they had no church. I'll admit that freaked me out just a little. Great, I thought. Here I am asking a question that will have a 100% answer of "Not Applicable." Well, apparently the churched among us just took longer to answer. Perhaps they had to think harder about their answer than the unchurched. The unchurched, much like vegetarians at a steakhouse, only really had one option. The churched had a whole menu from which to choose.

What the poll eventually showed is that I am every bit the freak of nature I claim to be. Not one person chose the option I would have had I voted in the poll. Oh well. . .

The final results:

If you were invited to preach at your church, would you?
Absolutely! I'd love to. 0 (0%)
Probably, if they were persuasive enough. 2 (10%)
Maybe, but I doubt it. 2 (10%)
Not a chance! 6 (31%)
I don't have a church. 9 (47%)

To the almost half of you without a church I'd just like to say I'd love to see you at mine anytime, whoever you are, whatever you are, wherever you are.
____________________________

Late edit (11:35 a.m.):
Okay, this has bugged me ever since I posted this earlier this morning. The percentages above, although exactly as reported on the Blogger poll, don't add to 100% due to rounding. They aren't just one off though. They are two off. It only adds to 98%. So I recalculated and found that they didn't round, they truncated. If I had designed the poll results format the percentages would round rather than truncate. Also I probably would have run them out to one decimal place.

So here are the real results:
Absolutely! I'd love to. 0 (0%)
Probably, if they were persuasive enough. 2 (10.5%)
Maybe, but I doubt it. 2 (10.5%)
Not a chance! 6 (31.6%)
I don't have a church. 9 (47.4%)

Now they add to 100%. I feel better. (Damned accountant's brain.)

The Sermon Experience

A couple of commenters asked on the last post for me to talk about the experience of preaching for a day as a layperson. I am happy to oblige, mostly because I planned on writing a post about it anyway. ;-)

First, I’m going to address the whiney part. Yes, I’m a bit whiney about one part of what happened. There were three people in the world that I specifically wanted to have attend, mostly to provide me moral support so I would know 100% that I could look to them for encouragement and see someone at least feigning interest in what I had to say. Two of the three I specifically invited to attend. The third is generally there anyway so I didn’t bother to extend a specific invitation although I did make sure this person was aware I would be speaking that day. As it turns out none of the three were there. I felt let down. I have addressed it with each of them though in a very casual way so as not to let on just how hurt I was and received apologies that were probably appropriate for the level of care I expressed. So now it’s time to move on, let go of those hurt feelings, and never speak of it again. Amen.

Preparation for the sermon was interesting, and daunting, and not something I think I would want to do on a weekly basis (though if I were a seminary trained minister I could more quickly access the types of information I sought and would have had a firmer foundation from which to start, so there is that). However, it was quite enlightening to me to see just how much research could be done via the internet. I could read several different versions of the Bible passage and compare them quite easily without having to surround myself with several large books. I could read sermons by others based on the same passage or theme. If I were inclined to pay for the privilege I could have had an even greater wealth of information available to me. Yes, I took the task seriously and did not just “throw something together.” I prayed before and while I wrote. I honestly feel that God drew me to my topic and many of my words. It was indeed a spiritual experience to prepare a sermon.

I had the sermon finished, for the most part, almost a week in advance. That is when I started tweaking and rethinking and eventually overthinking much of it. When all was said and done though it stayed pretty much as it had been other than switching the order of a couple of sections of it to improve the flow. I don’t know why, but I kept putting off rehearsing it out loud. I went over it time and again in my head, but I only spoke it twice before actually giving it at church. If I hadn’t needed to time it I’m not sure I would’ve gotten it spoken even that many times ahead of time. It timed out to 14 minutes by the way, which was well within the 8 to 20 minute range that I was told would be acceptable.

N and I arrived at church for the Sunday School hour, and while he attended Sunday School I made a pest of myself to anyone I could find who was in charge in any way. I was nervous so I wandered about like a puppy dog nipping at the heels of one person and another. Finally, I sat in the very back of the sanctuary and meditated for a while to calm myself.

I was responsible for nothing during the service except the sermon. Someone else led the service, and a third person read the scriptures. I was lucky to be able to sit behind the pulpit largely unseen until sermon time. I was also lucky that there was a particularly full sanctuary that day. I believe it would be harder to speak to a sparse crowd than a thick one, easier to look out at the masses than to meet eyes with a few, at least for me.

In the past, when speaking before crowds my hands would shake and become clammy. For whatever reason, last Sunday this didn’t occur. Yes there was some nervousness, but there was also an overriding calmness. I felt safe. I felt accepted. I felt at home. We should all feel that way within our church communities though I haven’t always in other churches I’ve attended. I was pleased as I looked out on the congregation that for the most part people looked attentive rather than bored or distracted. People actually seemed to be listening to me! I even got a few chuckles at times when I had hoped people would. It was a most uplifting experience to be there in that pulpit sharing a message I felt strongly about and having it well received.

Afterwards I received much praise from people in attendance. It is so much my nature to not believe most praise, to think that it is said in politeness more than anything. However, I am trying to trust the genuineness of people when they say nice things and to reply with a simple “Thank you” rather than protesting against compliments. I don’t know why, but I expected there to be criticism that my sermon was lightweight, not learned enough, perhaps even to have someone point out some theological error that I made somewhere (hence all my earlier research to try to prevent such things). However, none of that happened. Perhaps people were kind because I am, after all, just a layperson, or perhaps they sincerely were touched by the message I shared just as it seems some of my readers here are.

Whatever the case, overall I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and might entertain the offer to do it again sometime in the future. The one thing I’ll change next time is that I will not specifically expect anyone to attend to be my support system. It turns out I stand on my own two feet pretty well with God as my support system.

Like Blogging Out Loud?

Surprisingly enough, at least I'm sure it will be a surprise for at least a certain contingent of my readers, I will be preaching a Sunday sermon at my church in a couple of months.

If anyone is interested in attending, email me and I will send you the particulars. Since we are an opening and affirming congregation, I guarantee you will be warmly greeted there no matter your status in any dimension. We'll welcome you even if you're white, affluent, and narrow-minded.

Otherwise, you can wait until after I preach, and I will post the transcript of my sermon here on my blog.

On the Campaign Trail

Secretive Right-Wing Group Vetted Palin

Well, I guess McCain had to find a way to get the right wing wackos on his side.

And then when I saw this I couldn't resist sharing so that you can LOL too.

see Obama pictures

RIP George Carlin

I thoroughly enjoyed George Carlin's humor. As a Christian maybe I shouldn't have had such an appreciation of some of his humor, but I did and do. I saw him perform in Vegas a few years ago. At the time he was preparing for one of his HBO specials and was using his gig in Vegas to try out some new routines he wanted to use. I loved the entire show, even when he'd mess up, refer to his notes, and start again. It was kind of cool to be allowed to be there (one of only thousands) to watch as he worked on getting that show together. I suppose some would feel short-changed to pay full price for a show that lacked that "finished product" polish. Not me. I loved it. I loved that George Carlin just was who he was. Take him or leave him. It didn't matter to him. George Carlin was a man of integrity. He spoke his mind and didn't let what others might think stop him from speaking his thoughts.

The following is a routine that many Christians would hate, but not me. I love it. Why? Because it reminds me what non-Christians see of my religion. It reminds me how important it is to be as true a reflection of God's image as possible. It reminds me that when those who claim to be Christians need to be careful how we present ourselves, our churches, and our faith to the outside world.

No Se Nada

Today I’m delving into the topic that is weighing heavily on my mind lately, particularly since attending church yesterday. If my little forays into religion aren’t your cup of tea you might do well to come back another day although this is less about religion than it is about human relations that just happens to be taking place within a religious setting.

First, I want to lay out the facts that I know, some of which may or may not be related to the situation. I just want them all here to serve as the foundation for me as I roll this around in my brain. Then I intend to see what those facts tell me and see what conclusions, if any, are possible at this point in time. Finally, I want to put down the questions I have over the situation and some musings about where to go from here for myself. This is, my friends, mostly an exercise just for myself, but if anyone thinks they have something productive to offer me or a point of view that I’ve missed, please feel free to weigh in with it. I realize I may very well be looking at the situation through a narrow straw and might benefit from a wider perspective.

The Facts
Fact #1: Two weeks ago I received a letter from the church council informing me of the departure of the pastor from the congregation. The letter referred to “performance appraisal issues” and mediation that had been ongoing for some months between the church council and the pastor and indicated that an inability to reach agreement was the reason for the pastor’s departure.
Fact #2: About a month ago the office manager for the church resigned with the announcement that she was returning to work at her home church.
Fact #3: Yesterday the situation with the pastor was mentioned two times during the church service: (1) during the joys and concerns when one member of the congregation asked that the pastor and his family be held up in prayer and another asked that the congregation be held up in prayer with the request that those who were blindsided by the “resignation” of the pastor would be willing to listen and have patience, and (2) during the announcements when it was announced that meetings will be held in a couple of weeks to better inform the congregation of what has occurred and how the church will proceed forward.
Fact #4: The pastor’s wife who has also held a staff position within the church is no longer listed as a staff member in the bulletin nor was she present yesterday at the service.
Fact #5: No mention was made of the pastor’s wife in the original letter I received.
Fact #6: It was announced yesterday that a certain person will be taking on a subset of the pastor’s wife’s staff duties for at least the summer months.
Fact #7: As of yesterday, the church’s website has not been updated to reflect any staffing changes.
Fact #8: I felt more uncomfortable in that church yesterday morning than I ever have in the year I’ve been attending there. There were several times when I felt an incredible urge to jump up and bolt out of the building, not because of anything specific that happened but just the overall general discomfort I felt.

Conclusions
No matter how much I go over the facts above there just is not enough there for me to draw much in the way of conclusions. Certainly I could put some pieces above together and develop some speculations, but to what end? What purpose could it possibly serve for me to speculate other than to stir me up and bring me into a state of further agitation? Why should I do that? I will admit that there are speculations that have taken up far too much space in my brain as I’ve pondered the facts above, and yet without further factual information it is impossible to know which, if any, of my speculations are close to the truth of the matter. I refuse to draw conclusions based on my own ill-informed speculations. I guess the only real conclusion I have from all of this is that given what I know about myself I will not be able to determine my reaction to the situation until I know more about the situation. Oh, and one other conclusion I’ve drawn is that to announce a situation like this and then to wait a month to provide explanation of it is not good, at least for me it is not good for the longer I am left in limbo the more difficult it becomes for me to accept being there.

Questions
In no particular order, just as they pop into my head, my questions are:
Question #1: What was the basis for the pastor and church council’s disagreement?
Question #2: Why was the congregation not made aware that there was a disagreement and mediation effort under way?
Question #3: Is the resignation of the church’s office manager related to this situation, and if so, how?
Question #4: Why was the decision made to allow a month’s time to transpire between the announcement and the explanation?
Question #5: What should a congregant learn from how this was handled by the church council?
Question #6: (This one is a question that I alone can answer and can’t be answered until I have the other questions answered.) Can I stay in this church with a clear conscience?
Question #7: How does the absence of the pastor's wife tie into this? Did she resign, get fired, something else?

Musings
This will be an interesting time in the life of this church. Once I listen and hear what the church council has to say on the matter, it should become easier (I hope) for me to discern the proper course of action for myself. It would be an extraordinary shame if after only becoming an official member a few months ago that I would have to move on. However, I can only make that decision once I know as much as I can about the situation. A lack of forthcoming on the part of those directly involved will weigh heavily against my being able to stay, and my fear is that is exactly what will happen. “Trust us. We did the right thing.” That is the message I fear that I will hear. I have always been, and will always be, one who will fight for as much openness and honesty as possible. It is part of my personality that I bristle at the very notion of doing things that are not to be revealed (hence my huge internal conflict over many of my sneaky behaviors in the last couple of years).

My hope here is that, as usual, the act of putting this all down in writing will allow myself to let go of at least some of it so that I can go about my daily life without stewing over various aspects of the situation. Here it is, right here, all the thoughts that I have about it, all in one place. May God grant me the peace that will allow me to leave these thoughts here for the time being, to be picked up again when the congregational meetings are held on the issue in almost two weeks.

Involvement in Faith

I have been asked to participate in the committee on Progressive Christianity at my church. I will be an interesting participant since I have a bit more conservative viewpoint than several others participating. That's good though. It is always good to have a voice of dissent in any group whether it's a liberal amongst the conservatives, a conservative amongst the liberals, or an eclectic like me in just about any group.

I will admit to total ignorance to what was meant by "progressive Christianity" until the meeting last night. Apparently there is an entire website devoted to it, and I've just begun my studies of it. I already see good and bad in it. As I learn more I'm sure I'll expound more here on the issues that arise.

In case you aren't interested in browsing the website, here are their Eight Points:

By calling ourselves progressive, we mean we are Christians who...
1. Have found an approach to God through the life and teachings of Jesus.
2. Recognize the faithfulness of other people who have other names for the way to God's realm, and acknowledge that their ways are true for them, as our ways are true for us.
3. Understand the sharing of bread and wine in Jesus's name to be a representation of an ancient vision of God's feast for all peoples
4. Invite all people to participate in our community and worship life without insisting that they become like us in order to be acceptable
5. Know that the way we behave toward one another and toward other people is the fullest expression of what we believe.
6. Find more grace in the search for understanding than we do in dogmatic certainty - more value in questioning than in absolutes.
7. Form ourselves into communities dedicated to equipping one another for the work we feel called to do: striving for peace and justice among all people, protecting and restoring the integrity of all God's creation, and bringing hope to those Jesus called the least of his sisters and brothers
8. Recognize that being followers of Jesus is costly, and entails selfless love, conscientious resistance to evil, and renunciation of privilege.

So far so good. I have lots of study in front of me.

Sunday Sermon

Yes, today's post is about religion, seemingly a fitting topic for a Sunday.

I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday. It happened when I was talking to N. I often seem to get epiphanies when trying to explain concepts to N. Somehow things that I just kind of always accepted as being actually do make sense when I think them through as to why they are what they are.

Yesterday's conversation was on Old Testament law vs. New Testament grace. It actually started as a conversation about why our male dog doesn't lift his leg when he pees, but it evolved into a theological discussion. I love how conversations can do that, meander from one topic through another on its way to finally a really profound conclusion.

N asked why our dog, who is male, doesn't lift his leg to pee. I explained that it is because our dog was neutered prior to becoming fully mature, and that when that happens they don't ever get that instinct to lift their leg to pee. Moving on, N asked me about why certain dogs have their tails cut off. I told him I don't really know, but it is something that they do with certain breeds but not all breeds. Do they put the dog under general anesthesia to cut their tails off he wondered? No, I said, if anything they use a local anesthetic (Val, I so wished I could have bounced this question your way because I don't really know nuttin' about it.) but I wasn't sure they even do that. W added that he thought they did it without anesthetic when the puppy was very young, maybe before their eyes opened even. Being me of the big mouth, I added "kind of like how they do circumcisions on baby boys with no anesthetic."

This segued the discussion into circumcision and what that is. I said to N you know how some boys have skin that covers the end of their penis like you and some others don't? Yeah he replied. Well, I explained, circumcision is when they cut that skin off, and that it is often done when a boy is a newborn infant. Then N wanted to know why some boys are circumcised. I explained that I'm not really sure why some do it but that Jews do it because they believe in Old Testament law which required circumcision.

Naturally this led us to discuss the difference between Jews and Christians, that Jews do not believe that Jesus was the Messiah and therefore they do not believe that they have been saved by grace so they believe they must still live by the Old Testament law, including that all boys be circumcised. N wanted to know why they would not believe in Jesus as their savior to which I didn't have a really good answer.

Then he said, "But they believe that they are right and we believe that we are right."

I said, "Yes, but we have to respect that not everyone will believe as we do even though we believe that we are right because they believe just as strongly that they are right. It is up to every individual to make their own peace with God in their own way."

N asked, "But we don't have to live under the laws of the Old Testament?"

I replied, "No, Jesus told us that the greatest commandment was to love our neighbor as ourselves. What that means is that we should always treat others with the same dignity and respect and integrity that we would expect of them in our treatment of us."

Bingo! Epiphany! That's it. This is what I've spent years believing and not able to really articulate even to myself. This is why I can't get bogged down in the debates over many theological issues. I simply think we should live by the rule of treating others the way we would like to be treated. Hmm, how would I like to be treated? I would like others to respect my beliefs and decisions. I would like others to appreciate me for who I am rather than who they would like me to be. I would like others to treat me kindly, but also to be straightforward with me and point out respectfully when they think I am off track. So then, I guess that is how I believe I ought to treat others. Suddenly, it all seemed so clear.

It dawned on me that I often don't treat others as I would want them to treat me. If roles were reversed in my marriage I would want W to honestly tell me that things were over and that I must leave this house because I would want that honesty from him rather than false "niceness." So that is what I must do. I must sit down with W and explain calmly and rationally that this just isn't going to work out, and as hurtful as it may be to him he will have to find another place to live.

See? Isn't the meandering from one topic through the next into the next fascinating? Yeah, I thought so too.

Faith Statement

I recently became a member of the church I've been attending here in LNJ. As part of that process I had to write my faith statement to be published in the newsletter for the church. The reason I thought I would post it here too is that it may just give you a bit of insight into why I posted as I did about the recent campus shooting. I realize that by posting this I just might give away my identity in case any of my blog readers happen to attend my church and receive the church newsletter. However, because of the kind of community this church is I don't really mind if they were to find out this blog is my blog. Why? Because they accept that we are all sinners struggling with our sins. I think they would understand my blog very much the same way some of my readers do.

So now that the very verbose preamble is over here is my faith statement as written for my church's newsletter:

The first thing you should know about me is that I always hate when people ask me for my faith statement. Why? I always feel like my statement isn’t going to be profound or glamorous or poignant or any of the other things that might make it interesting. Now as I get older I have come around to realizing that isn’t what makes a good faith statement anyway, and I don’t really see that there is any such thing as a bad faith statement. It just is what it is, just as I am who I am.

I grew up in an eclectic mix of churches as my parents sought to find the right one for them. I attended everything from United Methodist to Lutheran Missouri Synod to American Baptist and Southern Baptist. Through it all I ended up developing my own unique set of beliefs that I have never found duplicated in any church. In some areas, my beliefs are quite conservative while in others, ultra liberal and occasionally, but not often, I’ll head middle of the road. At the core of my beliefs is my personal relationship with God. God and I, we have this understanding. I talk to God almost constantly and try my best to listen for His guidance. Being human, I fail over and over to live up to God’s standards. Being God, He never fails to forgive me, chasten me and give me another chance.

I believe that my calling as a Christian is to stand up for the causes that Jesus would stand up for. When Jesus walked the earth He did not ignore injustice or inhumanity. He consistently called on people to stand up for that which is right and good and just. I feel that same commitment here at [insert church name here] in the people I have met here, and I believe that means that this is a good place for me to be, a good place from which I can serve God as He would have me serve.

This reminded me of a song that I love by Sierra, a Christian music group that is no longer together. I sang this at church several years ago because I believe it carries a message many of us churchgoers need to have repeated occasionally. I wish I could've found a video, but you'll just have to settle for the lyrics.

No Stone to Throw

Maggie lives on Second Street
Downtown by the river
She looks away from everyone she meets
They've got no time to give her
Because on her shoulder is a scarlet letter
And nobody told her she could do better

I've got no stone to throw
No axe to grind
I look at Maggie's life
And I see mine
I see somebody searchin' for somethin'
A little love and understanding
And the longer I know the Lord
The more I know
I've got no stone to throw

Maggie wears a cross of gold
But she don't know why
She says she tried religion once
But it made her cry
She's been to hell and back so many times
And she's done anything to survive

Maggie lives in every town
And people talk about her
'Cause it's easier to put her down
Than to care about her
But she has a Savior; He is her Judge
Oh, Maggie, you deserve to be loved

Merry Christmas

A Day at The Beach

I've been reading a particular blog for a long time that isn't in my list on the right. It's on my list that I read from my other blogger persona. She posts under the name Sandy and calls her blog A Day at The Beach. I was struck by two particular posts and would like to share them with my blogger friends:

Prodigal

and

Two Cent Psychologist on Marriage

Give her a try. See what you think.