Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Self Help

Well, last night was a first. It was the first night of W's and my agreement on responsibility for N and freedom to come and go when we don't have responsibility for N. Last night was W's turn to care for N and my turn for freedom. Tonight will be W's turn for freedom and my turn to care for N.

Now, please understand that I had nothing to do last night. K wasn't available so no fun and games. C was working late so no hanging with my best friend. I could've chosen to stay home, but then what would the point be of having new found freedom? Being the independent sort (or at least the independent wannabe sort) I went ahead and went out all by myself. I treated myself to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, but first I treated myself to a trip to the bookstore, one of my favorite haunts, and browsed the books there. I browsed particularly through the bargain racks as always, but then I also headed to the self-help section. In that section, I found It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. I picked the book up and looked through it. I liked it. I carried it around the store while I browsed some more. Finally, I made my way to the cashier and bought the book.

Over dinner, and continuing through a mocha at Starbucks after dinner, I read the first 90 pages of the book. What a great book! I am enjoying it immensely and highly recommend it to any woman going through a break up. Over and over in my reading I thought about both of my break ups, with BJ and with W. How different they are in so many ways yet how similar in others. As I read I would see me in relation to the BJ breakup. Then I'd read further and see me in relation to the W breakup. I realized while doing all this reading that, damn, dealing with two virtually simultaneous breakups is brutal. If I didn't think of myself as strong before I certainly do now. I am one strong woman.

Yay me!


Nancy said...

Indeed you are strong. I had never thought of myself as strong before I had to face the breakup of my marriage and didn't even realize my strength until the process began and someone commented to me "you are the strongest person I know." Then I started thinking about it and knew that they were right. I made it through a divorce and several years of singleness without falling apart--that's where I proved my strength to myself. Mindset is a great deal of being strong, you will be strong if you believe yourself to be.

I had a childless friend going through a divorce at the same time. She was educated and well-employed, but at one point she had a classic nervous breakdown where she couldn't work or function. I remember thinking "who has time to fall apart? I have kids to raise!"

And then the RELEASE! The freedom you have to choose to do what YOU want to do. Sure you still have to make good decisions for your kids and yourself, but you don't have to butt heads with an idiot over every single one.

Anonymous said...

Amazing how these things can show what you really have inside.

Trueself said...

Nancy - Sure you still have to make good decisions for your kids and yourself, but you don't have to butt heads with an idiot over every single one. EXACTLY!

SM - Yes, quite amazing.