It's a Big Two for One Deal

I never ever post and then. . . Bam!. . . Two posts within one post all of a sudden.

First off, let's start with Unconscious Mutterings, Week 387

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Collectors :: Trash
2. Passion :: Obsession
3. Winner :: Loser
4. Uninhibited :: Free
5. Challenge :: Hard Work
6. Self :: Ego
7. Your :: My
8. Viewer :: Watcher
9. Random :: Unplanned
10. Vice :: President

Next, I was lurking over at Lime's place and was intrigued by a meme that she was perpetuating. It seems it started with one person who wrote questions that were answered by a second person who asked another set of questions that were answered by a third person, etc. and so on until someone asked questions that Lime answered, and she then left questions for others to answer. So here I am answering Lime's questions (and no, I can't provide nearly as entertaining meme answers as Lime so I didn't even try; I just typed up what popped into my head) after which I ask some of my own for you to answer on your blog or in my comments as you wish. If you do answer my questions on your blog be so kind as to drop a comment here letting me know that you did so I can go visit and see what you have to say.

Without further ado, Lime's questions and my answers:
1. What is the best use for canned peas since they are unfit for human consumption? Although I actually don’t mind eating canned peas I believe their best use may very well be as entertainment for small children in high chairs. They are the perfect food for mushing on the tray as well as throwing on the floor, against the wall or even on the ceiling.
2. How many BP execs does it take to plug an oil well? I believe there is no number of BP execs adequate to the task. However, I guess we won’t really know that unless they actually remove themselves from their ivory tower and try to help, now will we?
3.Where did you hide your last victim? No way do I give out such highly incriminating information. No way. . . Some though would probably say I left him in his apartment some 40 miles away.
4. What one junk food or vice do you want researchers to discover is actually good for you? DQ Turtle Pecan Cluster Blizzards
5. Would you rather crawl on a track of razor blades then swim in a vat of lemon juice or listen to the collected works of Yoko Ono continuously for 24 hours while snuggling with Marilyn Manson? I’ll choose listen to the collected works of Yoko Ono continuously for 24 hours while swimming in a vat of lemon juice.
6. Daisy Duke or Ellie Mae Clampett / Luke Duke or Jethro (as applies to your gender preference)? Either way (and I could go either way) it’s the Duke.
7. Who? BJ What? Broke my heart When? Almost a year ago Where? Everywhere How? By not holding onto me And most importantly, why? Because he wanted total acceptance of who he was while wanting me to be different than who I am (Okay, I know it's been almost a year, and I'm supposed to be over it, and blah, blah, blah. . . It still pops up now and then in my little pea brain. I don't regret that it's over anymore. I don't want him back anymore. But it still pops up now and again, and if I ever saw him again I think I'd go kick him in the shin just to express my frustration that he does pop into my thoughts on occasion.)
8. I almost forgot...how much? More than a lifetime’s worth
9. Dazzle me with some mad skillz I never knew you had. I can bring a funereal silence to a room teeming with a loquacious audience just by telling one of my really bad jokes.
10. What super power would you like to have and why? The ability to make people listen to and understand everything I have to say before responding to me because I’m just damned tired of being ignored.

And now, my questions for you dear imaginary internet friends:
1. If you have kids, what is the most you've ever spent on one child to play one sport for one year? What sport, and why did you pay that much/little? If you don't have kids, what do you spend money on that you don't think you could afford if you did have kids?
2. If you had one day (24 hours) to do anything at all and whatever you wanted to do was all fully paid for by an anonymous benefactor what would you do?
3. Would you prefer to save a baby strapped in a carseat from a car sinking in a deep river, or save a paraplegic man in a wheelchair from a second floor bedroom of a burning house? Why?
4. If a gay acquaintance invited you to attend his/her wedding to his/her partner of several years and the date, time, and place of the wedding were all convenient for you would you attend? Why or why not?
5. When was the last time you did something for someone that meant going out of your way to do it? What did you do, how did you feel about doing it, and why did you feel that way?

Okay, due to the fact that several of these are multi-question questions I'll stop at five. Give it a go, won't you?

Money, Money, Money

My heart skipped a beat this morning when I logged onto online banking and my balance was (horrors) only $745. Anytime my checking account balance dips below $1,000 I hate it. Now mind you I had last Friday set up some payments of some delinquent somewhat overdue teensy bit late bills that packed a punch to the old account. I knew I had done that. It wasn't a surprise. I knew ahead of time when I signed in that the balance would be below my panic threshold. Yet, there it was staring at me from the screen, and my heart skipped a beat, adrenaline flowed, the instinct to panic kicked in.

I am so not good at living on a tight budget. I like to have me a little cushion, ya' know? And not just the savings that's there for emergencies. That's for emergencies. I like a little cushion on the day to day stuff, a little cushion that says if I have to have a $500 repair on my car it won't make me skimp on groceries or make the payment for utilities late.

So as I was thinking about this, I wondered about other people. How much do you have to have in checking (meaning totally accessible money to you without dipping into some special stash or fund) to not have that panicky OMG feeling? There's a poll in my sidebar where you may leave an anonymous answer. Or you can cop to it and leave a longer answer in the comments. Your choice, or do both. We're pretty flexible 'round these parts.

It's Just Got to Be All About Me

W is home from the hospital. The doctors cannot deal with the xxxxxxx in his xxxxx xxxxxxxxx until they are able to get the xxxxx xxxxxxxxxx under control, which they mostly did last week in the hospital but not completely. He is on meds to try to continue the progress started as an inpatient. He has numerous follow up appointments with various medical professionals this week and next. He is grumpy. So am I. So is N. This is so not what any of us had planned for the summer.

N badly wants to go on a vacation this summer to an amusement park and to bring a friend along with him. I am really on board with this idea except I am afraid that W will want to go along with us {shudder}, and I have no idea how to discourage that without sounding like (and perhaps even being) an evil bitch. I have a multitude of reasons not to want W to go and not all (although some) have to do with me just flat out wanting some time without him around. There is, of course, the concern for his health, and even if we are only a few hours drive from home landing in the emergency room in unfamiliar surroundings doesn’t appeal to me, nor does dealing with the inevitable red tape of dealing with out of network claims. Not that it couldn’t happen to any one of us, but the odds go up dramatically if W tries to make the trip. Also, he won’t be up to trekking all over an amusement park, will have no interest in riding the rides or playing at the water park. Either our schedule will revolve around him and his healthcare needs, or he will have to stay back at the hotel room while we go out and enjoy ourselves. W will embarrass N (and to a lesser extent, me) with his general surliness to all those with whom he comes in contact. I’m just not sure there are any of N’s friends that need to bear witness to that.

Fortunately, N will be getting to go to summer camp for a total of almost three weeks at two different camps. That will be a welcome escape for him, a time to be with friends (and to reconnect with a girl he developed a crush on at camp last summer), and to get away from the stress that hovers as a fog throughout our house.

On another note, I decided and have told W that I am taking all things that he says at face value from now on. I am too tired to try to discern when he is joking, when he is hiding something, when he is deflecting, when he is hoping I will read between the lines, when he wants me to beg for more information. Nope. Whatever his answers to my questions (because, trust me on this, he volunteers no information so I get no conversation at all without asking) I am going to 100% accept at face value whether or not I believe them. Why? Because I am just too drained to fight it. I am just too tired to want to spend time weeding out lies from truth, fantasy from fact, fiction from non-fiction, and dragging information out of a reluctant witness. (Yes, he reminds me of a man on the witness stand who has been instructed by his attorney to say as little as possible.) I don’t care. From now on I believe nothing but act on his words as though they are all true. I refuse to read nuances, innuendos or looks because I am constantly berated by him when I do even when it turns out that I was right to do so. If he wants to hide things from me so be it. Hide to your heart’s content. If I ask if he would pick up something for supper and he says “yes” with that disgusted, frustrated voice I will simply hear the “yes” and thank him for doing so. If he tells me he doesn’t want to go somewhere with N and me with that hang dog look hoping for reassurances that we want him to go I will simply say in a cheery voice, “okay, see ya’ later.” When I ask how he’s feeling and he says nothing more than “fine” I will accept that he is fine without further inquiry.

I’m tired. I may just take a few days of vacation all by myself while N’s away at camp this summer. A little “me time” may be just what I need.

Those who don't learn from history are destined to repeat it

What do you do when you see your current employer going down the same path that a former employer took that landed the former employer in bankruptcy?

Well, if you’re me you start talking to management level people about it. You tell them exactly where you see the parallels. You tell them that with 20/20 hindsight here’s what the old employer’s management staff, as well as others outside of the company, saw as having been the downfall of the former employer. You tell them that you are concerned for the path of this company based on your prior experience.

And then what do you get? If you are like me you’ll be told that this situation is completely different and that going bankrupt or even out of business is not even a possibility. If you are luckier than me you’ll be heard and your ideas will be considered within the context of all that is happening. Maybe decisions won’t be different, but at least they will have been made with due consideration of all circumstances and possible outcomes. At least then if they chose short term gain at the expense of long term survival it would be an informed choice.

I’m sure they are right, and I am wrong. After all, they are the big powerful executives, and I am but an insignificant peon. However, at least for myself, I now have this on record so that if my fears turn out to be well-founded I will know that I was right and they were wrong. (And honestly people? That happens more often than most people would like to acknowledge which is why I just might document more of these kinds of things here. As an anonymous blog, it won’t make anyone more likely to listen to me IRL, but at least I will have it written somewhere even if it is just for myself.) If that happens, I will not be happy.

No, I would prefer that this employer stay in business. I think it provides an excellent service for its customers. I think that this geographic area would suffer without this company just as my former area of residence suffered when my former employer went out of business.

Sigh. . .

If only someone would listen. . .

My Greater Than List

I’ve seen these a few places lately and thought I would share mine here. Maybe it will inspire you to make your own list.

Not being in the hospital > being in the hospital > being dead

Swimming > walking > bicycling > running

Amazing Race > Survivor > Big Brother > other reality shows > non-reality shows

Basketball > soccer > baseball > football > hockey

Purple > pink

Coke > Pepsi

Spring > Summer > Fall > Winter

Disney World > Holiday World > Six Flags

Pizza > Lasagna > Minestrone > Spaghetti > Salad

Late nights > any other time of the day

Craig Ferguson > David Letterman > Jay Leno

Love > Hate

Compassion > Selfishness

Reading > Watching TV

Learning > Teaching > Doing neither

Mustang > Camaro

Classical > Jazz > Country > Rock > Hip Hop

Cranberry > Orange > Apple > Grape > Grapefruit

Cashews > Pecans > Almonds > Peanuts

Big sisters > Little brothers

Ferry > Train > Bus > Driving

Money > No money

Bret Michael’s Trop A Rocka Snapple > Holly Robinson Peete’s Compassionberry Snapple

And They All Fall Down

I wrote the following email to my pastor today. I share it with you as a blog update.

Pastor,

Just wanted to let you know that W is now at Xxxxx Hospital and is supposed to be there until Wednesday or Thursday. He would love visitors, whether it’s you or any of the church folk.

Xxxxx Xxxx is being a blessing to us by spending her afternoons this week with N. Also, Xxxx Xxxxxx and I have been in touch and likely will be in touch again about needs our family may have during this time. I love how the people of our church truly are the “Community” in [our church name].

I don’t know if you’ve seen the note I dropped in the offering plate yesterday or not, but my dad is also at Xxxxxx Hospital in Xxxxxx. He has been in the ICU for over a week now. Due to xxxxxxxxxx xx xxx xxxx around his xxxxxxx air was xxxxxxx xx xxx xxxxx. The pain was apparently intense, and the risk of xxxxxxxxxx was high. He has had two surgeries in the last week to try to xxxxx xx xxx xxxx xxxxxxxxx and stop the xxxxxxx xx xxx to his xxxxx. Hopefully, the second one (which they did yesterday) was successful. If not, they will have to bring in a neurosurgeon for yet another surgery. Dad is nearly 83 and has been fighting xxxxx xxxxxx for the last few years. This is just one more thing on top of the heap.

All prayers welcomed and appreciated for
- Dad, that he will find comfort
- Mom (who is doing her best to keep it together), that she be uplifted with God’s strength
- W, that he can be made more comfortable and that he finds peace whatever the outcome of this week’s hospitalization
- N (who told me this weekend he’s afraid both his grandpa and dad will both die), that he feel the warmth and love and comfort of family and friends
- and me (I’m still in the denial phase of everything, just plugging along acting like it’s all okay when it isn’t), that I can be a source of comfort and strength to the others and a good role model for N, and that at some point I have the time to have a good hard cry.

Heh. I meant this to be a short little email and turned it into a novella. Sorry ‘bout that. I do tend to ramble.

TS

So that’s the short version of what’s going on. Yes, I said that right. There’s more. I just don’t have time. I have to go pick up N so we can visit W.

More later (I hope). . .

Unconscious Mutterings: Week 383

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Fresh air :: NPR
2. Bodyguard :: Tough
3. Wedding :: Useless
4. Remind :: Annoy
5. Wicked :: Evil
6. Crawling :: Bugs
7. Gasoline :: Fuel
8. Anyone :: Care?
9. Dancing :: with the Stars
10. Wall :: Beat my head against