Thursday, February 04, 2010

Thursday Therapy

What follows is a rambling disjointed post that barely makes sense. Deal with it. It is an accurate reflection of my brain's workings (or how it's not working) today. I blame it on the cold I caught from N.

I'm not too sure what to write this week for this post. I am feeling somewhat calm and good and in a place where I am comfortable with myself. Now, I wouldn't expect that to last long, being the eternal pessimist. However, I am trying to grasp this upbeat mood and hang on to it.

Of course, I will still talk to Freud next Tuesday about how to deal with W and his stuff. Also, I want to develop a strategy for dealing with that holiday that's coming the second weekend of February.

I think I'll address one of the comments from my last post here. One commenter said:
But you aren't really seeing through that commitment. And I'm not saying you should. But barely tolerating someone's presence is a far cry from a real commitment to marriage.

Seems to me it would be better to kick the guy out and live your life fully then pretend you're satisfying some covenant you aren't really holding to.

There are definitely parts of the marriage covenant that are not being upheld on my part. Most definitely. I don't deny that for a moment. I'm not proud of that fact, but I do acknowledge it.

However, when it comes to upholding my commitment I stand by my decision. Even though I know some people, including the commenter above, disagree with my decision that won't change my mind. That's okay. No matter what I do someone will think I've made the wrong decision. While it would be nice for everyone to approve of my decisions and actions, that will never happen. That's just not how things work. Life is messy, and sometimes there's just not a paper towel big enough to clean it all up. Sometimes you just accept the mess and step around it.

On the other hand, as Freud works with me through my issues I could very well change my mind, decide to boot W's butt out the door for good and move on. I don't know what the future holds. I just know that for now I am at peace with the decision to see this thing through. As long as I'm at peace with it that's what matters to me.

1 comment:

Val said...

Sounds like you're on the right track to me babe: trust your gut instincts...