Frustration? What Frustration?

Yesterday was too busy for blogging, but I do want to write about my session with Freud the other day.

We talked about how I can handle certain situations where I acquiesce to others to keep peace and don’t look out well for myself. (This aspect of my persona is well documented here on the blog and can be perused by you at your leisure.)

This week’s focus was an episode that happened last week between W and me. God bless W. At least he is consistent about certain things – things that naturally drive me crazy.

Here is our exchange:

TS – W, you don’t need to go with us on Saturday if you don’t want to. I’m just going to drive N’s friend home to LOH and then turn around and come back. [Note to readers: LOH is approx. 3 hours away] There’s no need for you to go if you don’t want to.

W – That’s okay. I’ll go.

TS – Well, to be honest I’d really rather just go alone. I find driving by myself to be relaxing, and I enjoy the time to myself.

W – You can drive by yourself. I’ll just sit next to you.

TS – [quizzical look; perplexed; unsure of next move]

W – [pouty look starts to form]

TS – Okay, if you’d like.

W – Okay.

So I seethed. I wanted to go by myself. N had already told me he didn’t really want to go. His friend was likely to sleep all the way down (which he did end up doing) so there really wasn’t much point in anyone else going. But no. W was going. Now, why didn’t I put my foot down? To protect N from his pouting and anger. Based on prior similar situations I knew we’d be in for several days of pouting until a day or two after the trip. Based on prior similar situations I knew the pouting would turn to anger at least once or twice during that period and would most likely be misdirected toward N rather than me because it’s more dangerous to vent anger on me. So… I sucked it up and took W with us… and, as it turned out, N because N’s friend talked him into going too.

I seethed… on the inside only. I said nothing to W or N about my frustration. I almost called Freud for advice but hesitated. What a silly petty thing to bother Freud about.

And we went on the trip. Three hours down, N listening to his Ipod, N’s friend sound asleep, W offering driving advice (because we all know what an awesome driver he is \sarcasm). We dropped N’s friend off at his house and visited with his mom for a short time. We headed home. I wanted to stop for lunch. W and N weren’t hungry. It was only 1 p.m. after all. Fine. I inwardly seethed some more. If only I were by myself I could have lunch whenever I damned well pleased.

Around 3 p.m. W and N finally acquiesced to stopping to eat. It was a good thing because we hadn’t eaten since 9 a.m., and I was starting to get a headache and feel a little bit shaky. Of course, I was only the driver so no big deal, right? (Oh, the sarcasm is really dripping now, isn’t it? Sorry, hope none of it dripped on your shirt.) I insisted on a sit down restaurant rather than fast food drive through to eat on the way despite the resultant whining from N.

After we got home around 5 p.m., I announced I was done for the day. I’m doing nothing else. Make your own dinner should you want any.

Sigh…

So we all took our turn acting childish.



I related most of this to Freud (actually we never made it to the stopping-to-eat drama, but just covered the who-goes-on-the-trip drama) and told him that I just didn’t have a clue what I should have done differently. He agreed that it was made a bit trickier since N might have suffered from fallout had I just put my foot down with W and said “Suck it up and deal with staying home.” However, he gave me suggestions of ways I might have been able to approach it to lessen the chances of that happening although he couldn’t guarantee success. He also suggested that if I am really feeling a strong need for a “me day” (and I am) then I should tell W that now and offer to work with him to determine a day that will work for both of us. This discussion is now at the top of my priority list for this weekend.

As much as W would like us to spend 24/7 together (he’s told me this oh so many times over the years) I would go absolutely stark raving mad if I had to endure that. Shoot, I almost go stark raving mad now, and we don’t spend near that much time together.

Oh, and let me just share a little tidbit of a recent conversation with a friend. She said (very tactfully I might add), “W can approach things with a bit of negativity sometimes.” She wins the prize for Understatement of the Year.