A Little of This, A Little of That

I will admit that I don't have a clue where I found this, on a blog that was a click here, a click there, away. I found it very interesting though. Out of curiosity I checked a few of my favorite blogs to see how they rated, but I won't share those here. You'll have to check them for yourself.



I would've been disappointed had I rated lower than this. I'm just enough of an education snob to think that it's important to write at a certain level.

And in other news today, thanks to my many fans I've been voted into the Real Blogger World House over at Fade to Numb. If you aren't a regular reader over there I encourage you to follow along with the antics during our week to be starting soon. You may want to check out last year's version too. It was a hoot. Hopefully, this year will be as good or better, although last year's group will be hard to top.

And finally, now that it has become a question of when rather than if I am splitting with W, I am working on my plan of approach. I have to find the proper balance among protecting N, protecting my financial interests, and getting it over with as soon as I can. I must focus on the long term results rather than the short term pain. I look at others who have made this move, and I see how happy they are once the trauma fades. I want that too. I need that.

Just in Case You Wondered What to Get Me for My Birthday

For the 2007 model year, the S600 is powered by a V12 engine with more than 500 hp. The 382-hp S500 is powered by the first of a new-generation V8 engine family featuring increased displacement, four-valve-per-cylinder technology, variable valve timing and a lightweight crank assembly. Both horsepower and torque are up considerably, yet with lower exhaust emissions and noise.

OR


You can't go wrong with a Harley.

You've got almost two months if you'd like to send me one of these for birthday delivery. But don't wait too long. You wouldn't want someone else sending me one first.

With Sincere Apologies to Clement Moore

Also, my apologies to all the people I didn't get included in this poem. There are many more bloggers I wanted to include, but my brain got tired. Please know that if you are not included below it is not because I love you less than the included people. I love you all, every one of my readers and the writers of the blogs that I read.


'Twas the night before Christmas, when into my blog
I tried to write something but fell asleep like a log;
I had a strange dream about friend after friend
Most only known by their blogs where too much time I do spend;

I first dreamed of Emily so far away,
I dreamed of warm weather in which she and Little Dude did play;
And then there was Freebird,
She brought Mr. E for a party she’d heard,
They’d come ‘round the world to join us she said
She said Mr. B had stayed home in his bed.

Just then we turned to see Aphron walk up;
Sybil was with him but she seemed quite torn up.
Seems Aphron had not listened just right
And brought her out when she wanted to stay in tonight.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a dear sweet tall man with some pizza and beer,
The party could start for BJ was here!
He's stolen my heart and soon the rest knew
What a wonderful man he is, but devilish too!

We turned on some music and some started to dance,
FTN and Autumn came in and they took a chance
To twirl ‘round the floor to celebrate their romance.
Desmond arrived and brought his wife Molly
They left the kids back at home so they both looked quite jolly!

The party was hopping, the guests were all agrin
When Mr. Husbland and his wife Lex strode in.
The door barely closed when it opened a bit
To admit Finished Last who showed up looking fit.
“That SELAP diet really works,” he said proudly
And he showed off his abs as the girls giggled loudly.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
A sound that I thought for sure was a spoof.
It couldn’t be real but saw as I turned around,
Down the chimney Digger Jones came with a bound.
He had on his cage, or so we were told
He wouldn’t show us claiming not to be bold.

Just then in came All of Her Secrets and revealed
So much of herself that some of the men reeled.
The bloggers they partied, they chatted, how merry!
They enjoyed themselves much, oh they did very very!

The hour grew later, I thought we were all there
I was wrong though because coming in late was Old Bear.
He joined in the frivolity, happy and light
We all partied as though not one had a plight.

But soon in my dream I saw the hour grow late.
We’d had fun, we’d had laughs, we had shared the same fate
Of tiring early, we’re getting so old
We’re not young anymore and not near so bold
As to stay out all night to the morning’s first rays
No we better all get back to our regular days.

As we hugged at the door to say our goodbyes
We spotted a fellow arrive who was quite a surprise!
He was dressed all in red from his head to his toe
Had a sack on his shoulder and a beard white as snow.
He opened his sack and passed out some gifts
Then turned on his heel and disappeared ‘round some drifts.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he strolled out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Evidence of a Warped Mind

My romance horoscope for this week:

You could feel like you've been put in charge of the zoo or a circus this weekend, Taurus. Responsibilities weigh on you in strange and unpredictable circumstances. Showing grace under this kind of pressure can earn you respect and, if you're lucky, some affection.

Holy crap. Just what I need more of a zoo or circus atmosphere. Of course, I do feel a bit like a juggler at times with all the men I've been dealing with. Occasionally I feel a little like a wild animal trainer when dealing with W. I often feel like I'm walking a tightrope. Okay, yes, I suppose I do feel a bit like I'm in charge of the zoo or circus.

Strange and unpredictable circumstances? WTF could that be? And if I close my eyes and pull the covers up over my head can I avoid them?

Well, grace ain't my strong suit so guess I'll get to pass on the respect and affection.

And just to give y'all something to really laugh at, here's how I fantasize this horoscope could play out in my life:

Saturday begins with frustration. W and N getting along about as well as always (so not well at all). I retreat to my bedroom, decide to pamper myself and take a nice long hot shower, washing and conditioning my hair, shaving my legs and underarms. I get dressed in casual but cute clothes. I go to the kitchen and with big swinging motions clean the junk off the counters that is left there in spite of my pleas with the other residents of the house not to leave clutter on the counters. I get out everything I need to bake Christmas cookies and N helps me make several dozen cookies.

We are covered with flour and W is dozing in the family room when the doorbell rings. I go to the door and look out to see BJ standing there. Well, this must be the strange and unpredictable circumstance, and it will certainly require a great deal of grace to get through this one. I step outside and close the door.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I was worried about you, baby," BJ replies. "You mean more to me than anybody, and I can't stand for you to be hurting the way you are."

N opens the door and asks who BJ is. I reply that he is a friend who has stopped by to chat. W now appears at the door also. My only thought is to spare N from whatever is about to occur. My mind is a blank, can't think of what to do. So far grace is completely escaping me. Oddly enough, W suggests that we all go have a cup of coffee and talk over the situation. I say okay, but that I think N would be bored with all our grownup chat. I'll call my cousin and see if they can take N for the afternoon. I call, they can, and I ask W to take him over there. He refuses, saying that I should take him. Not wanting to leave W and BJ alone together, I suggest that while I take N to my cousin's that W go in and take care of a few things and BJ go ahead and leave and meet W and me at Starbucks in 45 minutes. Okay, the grace may be starting to kick in.

As I drive, N asks many questions about BJ and why he can't go with us to chat and on and on. I deflect his questions as best I can and finally arrive at my cousin's house. I give N a big hug, tell him to have a good time, thank my cousin for taking him on short notice, and head towards Starbucks.

On the drive to Starbucks, my mind races. What on earth will this discussion entail? My heart is pounding as I pull into the parking lot. I walk in and see that BJ is just getting his coffee. I approach the counter and order my usual -- a tall nonfat mocha, no whip. W walks in just as I'm paying for my mocha. So we're all here, but in a public place. That's good. BJ has sat down at a table in the corner, and I join him with my mocha. W soon follows. The three of us sit and look from one to another. Awkward silence hangs in the air in spite of the quiet music playing in the background. My heart is pounding so hard I think it will surely explode at any moment. Are the two men feeling the same way? I don't know but neither looks very comfortable. What seems to be several minutes passes without a word being spoken.

Finally, the silence is broken when W asks "Does someone want to explain what's going on here? Or can I guess pretty accurately?" Discussion ensues. I admit to being in love with BJ, and to wanting nothing more than to be out of our marriage so that I can be with BJ. W asks BJ what his intentions are. BJ tells him that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. W tears up, but says that he will be gone by the end of the day. I beg him to stay in the area to be there for N, that N needs him. He says he'll think about it, but can make no guarantees. W leaves to go get some of his things from the house. BJ and I sit and talk for a while and then go back to his motel room. After we make love, I leave. I must pick up N from my cousin's house. I must think of a way to tell N about the break up. I must start my journey into this new life.

Told you it would be good for a laugh. Still dreaming of fairy tales. . . .

Fantasies and Dreams

BJ and I have talked about dreams we have for our future and fantasies about things we could do (or not) once we’re together.

This past weekend we walked past a realtor’s office, and I noticed a picture of a gorgeous old victorian style house for sale at what to my big city mind is a real steal pricewise. My first thought when seeing it was what a marvelous B&B it would make. Earlier BJ and I had joked about the possibility of using our entrepreneurial spirits to open an adult bookstore somewhere. I thought that adding an adult-oriented B&B would be just the thing to distinguish us from the other adult-oriented bookstores in the area. We spent a while driving around looking at large old houses that looked, at least from the outside, like they would make fine B&Bs. We also decided the little town we were visiting would probably not take kindly to us moving in with such plans. It is fun to fantasize about doing things like this. I know that I don’t come close to having enough knowledge to actually be able to pull something like that off. It wouldn’t be easy to win neighborhood acceptance, wouldn’t be easy to get financing, isn’t easy running a B&B of any kind, not to mention I have no knowledge or experience when it comes to running a retail store of any kind, and certainly not an adult-oriented one. However, it made for a pleasant fantasy for an afternoon.

We’ve also talked about the kind of traveling we would like to do with one another. BJ wants to take me to Paris, to go to the top of the Eiffel Tower and gaze out over the city. I love that idea, and if we can ever afford it we’ll go.

I have learned that BJ has limited travel experience and hasn’t seen many of the places I have seen in the US so there are tons of places I want to take him, not the least of which is Disney World in Florida. I can’t believe he has never been although I suppose a lot of people have never been, but it is simply unimaginable to me. In some ways I’m just a big kid at heart and Disney World is just one magical fantasy after another, not to mention the Buzz Lightyear ride is way cool. Also, we’ve talked about taking the train to the east coast sometime, and taking another to the west coast sometime. He’s never been to Washington, DC or New York City or seen the Smoky Mountains. We’ve just got to get him more well-traveled.

Now, if we could just win the lottery or inherit a huge amount of money from some long lost relative we could afford all these trips that we want to take. Anyone reading this who would like to donate to our cause should feel free to contact me. I’m sure we can make arrangements for you to send us whatever amount you feel inclined to donate. It is, unfortunately, not a tax deductible donation, but think how good you’ll feel giving for purely altruistic reasons without regard for the deductibility. Why, it’ll feel even better than your regular tithe to the church.

Hmm, that reminds me of another fantasy of mine – starting my own church. Preaching love and tolerance on TV and having multitudes of people sending me mass quantities of money to fund my lavish lifestyle, er. . . uh. . . I mean, um, fund my philanthropic works throughout the nation and the world. So if you’re still worried about the lack of tax benefit from your donation you could wait for my church. We’ll for sure set it up as a 501(c)(3) so you can donate all you like and reap those tax benefits.

And lest you think I’ve lost my mind go back and reread the title of this entry. That should clear it up for you.

My Life as a Law & Order episode

I've been letting my paranoid delusions into my thinking about this whole situation too darn much.

My thinking goes along two different lines:

1. What if J isn't the one sending the emails? Although we've given each other our cell phone numbers, neither of us has used them. What if J's wife has access to his email account and is planning to draw me into a confrontation with her?
2. What if J is sending the emails, but is using them to set me up for some plan of revenge, to make me pay for breaking his heart 20 years ago?

I'm thinking scenario #2 is the more likely one so here's my synopsis of my Law & Order episode (probably the version with Vincent Donofrio):

The show opens showing Trueself pulling into a parking lot at a park. She gets out and walks towards J who is waiting for her at a picnic table. J gets up and embraces Trueself. He suggests they go for a walk while they talk. Trueself agrees and they walk off down a trail through some trees chatting amiably. Shortly, a scream is heard and thereafter J returns to the parking lot, a bloody handprint on his shirt. He runs to his car, gets in and takes off quickly.

Opening credits roll. When we return from commercials we see uniformed officers interviewing people in the parking lot. One woman remembers part of J’s license plate number and the color of the car but doesn’t know the make or model. Another witness thinks it to be one of two models. Down the path a ways, two detectives along with other officers are looking at the crime scene including Trueself’s dead body lying just off the trail covered in blood. Nearby is a police marker next to a bloody knife.

The detectives go to Trueself’s house and inform her husband of her death. He is clearly devastated and visibly shaken. They judge him to be quite a bit older than his wife who, according to her drivers license had just turned 43. He invites them in, and they share with him how Trueself was killed and where. They ask the usual questions such as where he was at the time of the killing (at home) and did he know anyone who might want to kill Trueself (no, nobody at all) and were they having any marital problems (well, she had some trouble with depression lately, but no, basically they were happy in their married life).

The investigation begins. Trueself’s email accounts and cell phone records are obtained and checked. A series of emails between J and Trueself are found including one setting up their meeting in the park on the day of the murder. Her cell phone records indicate a small number of calls to a number later determined to belong to J. At the same time, a check is run on the partial plate number along with the possible car models. A few possibilities turn up including J. The detectives ask Trueself’s husband if he knows J. No, he says, but he thinks his wife had a high school boyfriend with this name. This is looking like an open and shut case. But of course, we’ve barely gotten into the hour of the show so you know there will be complications.

Commercial break

As one might expect, no fingerprints are found on the knife at the scene. The detectives arrive at J’s house to take him to the station to question him. At first, he claims he knows nothing about the murder, but after being confronted with some of the evidence starts to backtrack on his story and asks for his attorney.

Blah, blah, typical Law & Order investigation stuff. Courtroom stuff ensues. By the end of the hour the real story has finally been revealed.

Turns out what really happened was J did lure Trueself to the park with the intention of confronting her as he felt she had ruined his life years ago. His intention was to tell her off, but had no intention of physically harming her. Trueself’s husband had found out about the meeting and was sitting in his car in the parking lot at the park when the murder occurred. When he saw J come out with blood on his shirt he left before the authorities arrived. Trueself’s husband had conspired with J’s estranged wife not to kill Trueself but to kill J. When J’s wife had emerged from the trees a struggle ensued with Trueself actually being stabbed instead of J. J’s wife tried to grab J by the shirt leaving her bloody handprint on the shirt. J got away and ran. J’s wife ran the other direction to her car parked along a road on the other side of the park and left without being seen.

In the end, both J’s wife and Trueself’s husband are convicted for their parts in the murder.