Evidence of a Warped Mind

My romance horoscope for this week:

You could feel like you've been put in charge of the zoo or a circus this weekend, Taurus. Responsibilities weigh on you in strange and unpredictable circumstances. Showing grace under this kind of pressure can earn you respect and, if you're lucky, some affection.

Holy crap. Just what I need more of a zoo or circus atmosphere. Of course, I do feel a bit like a juggler at times with all the men I've been dealing with. Occasionally I feel a little like a wild animal trainer when dealing with W. I often feel like I'm walking a tightrope. Okay, yes, I suppose I do feel a bit like I'm in charge of the zoo or circus.

Strange and unpredictable circumstances? WTF could that be? And if I close my eyes and pull the covers up over my head can I avoid them?

Well, grace ain't my strong suit so guess I'll get to pass on the respect and affection.

And just to give y'all something to really laugh at, here's how I fantasize this horoscope could play out in my life:

Saturday begins with frustration. W and N getting along about as well as always (so not well at all). I retreat to my bedroom, decide to pamper myself and take a nice long hot shower, washing and conditioning my hair, shaving my legs and underarms. I get dressed in casual but cute clothes. I go to the kitchen and with big swinging motions clean the junk off the counters that is left there in spite of my pleas with the other residents of the house not to leave clutter on the counters. I get out everything I need to bake Christmas cookies and N helps me make several dozen cookies.

We are covered with flour and W is dozing in the family room when the doorbell rings. I go to the door and look out to see BJ standing there. Well, this must be the strange and unpredictable circumstance, and it will certainly require a great deal of grace to get through this one. I step outside and close the door.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I was worried about you, baby," BJ replies. "You mean more to me than anybody, and I can't stand for you to be hurting the way you are."

N opens the door and asks who BJ is. I reply that he is a friend who has stopped by to chat. W now appears at the door also. My only thought is to spare N from whatever is about to occur. My mind is a blank, can't think of what to do. So far grace is completely escaping me. Oddly enough, W suggests that we all go have a cup of coffee and talk over the situation. I say okay, but that I think N would be bored with all our grownup chat. I'll call my cousin and see if they can take N for the afternoon. I call, they can, and I ask W to take him over there. He refuses, saying that I should take him. Not wanting to leave W and BJ alone together, I suggest that while I take N to my cousin's that W go in and take care of a few things and BJ go ahead and leave and meet W and me at Starbucks in 45 minutes. Okay, the grace may be starting to kick in.

As I drive, N asks many questions about BJ and why he can't go with us to chat and on and on. I deflect his questions as best I can and finally arrive at my cousin's house. I give N a big hug, tell him to have a good time, thank my cousin for taking him on short notice, and head towards Starbucks.

On the drive to Starbucks, my mind races. What on earth will this discussion entail? My heart is pounding as I pull into the parking lot. I walk in and see that BJ is just getting his coffee. I approach the counter and order my usual -- a tall nonfat mocha, no whip. W walks in just as I'm paying for my mocha. So we're all here, but in a public place. That's good. BJ has sat down at a table in the corner, and I join him with my mocha. W soon follows. The three of us sit and look from one to another. Awkward silence hangs in the air in spite of the quiet music playing in the background. My heart is pounding so hard I think it will surely explode at any moment. Are the two men feeling the same way? I don't know but neither looks very comfortable. What seems to be several minutes passes without a word being spoken.

Finally, the silence is broken when W asks "Does someone want to explain what's going on here? Or can I guess pretty accurately?" Discussion ensues. I admit to being in love with BJ, and to wanting nothing more than to be out of our marriage so that I can be with BJ. W asks BJ what his intentions are. BJ tells him that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. W tears up, but says that he will be gone by the end of the day. I beg him to stay in the area to be there for N, that N needs him. He says he'll think about it, but can make no guarantees. W leaves to go get some of his things from the house. BJ and I sit and talk for a while and then go back to his motel room. After we make love, I leave. I must pick up N from my cousin's house. I must think of a way to tell N about the break up. I must start my journey into this new life.

Told you it would be good for a laugh. Still dreaming of fairy tales. . . .