I have two different topics today so I thought about making two separate posts, but then decided that they are probably related so let's see if I can do it in one.
TOPIC #1
Yesterday, W came home and waved a pill bottle in front of me. He'd just gotten back from the store where he picked up his prescription of Viagra. Now, if I were the one in need of the Viagra and had just gotten my prescription I would have wanted to try it out right away. Not W, Nope. It's expensive (about $10/pill) so he wants to save it for "special occasions" Okay, to me getting the damn prescription is special occasion enough, but I guess not. As of tomorrow, we will be at two sex-free weeks. Oh, except he French kissed me three times before he rolled over to go to sleep last night. Woohoo. I'm all tingly. Oh well. We take N to camp tomorrow so we'll have a few child-free days. I'm hoping child-free means W will deem it a "special occasion" but who knows.
TOPIC #2
Gave up on J this week. It just isn't ever going to be the way I want it to be so I have to stop making myself crazy. However, due to topic #1 and feeling quite unsatisfied, and after much thought and consideration, I put an ad on Craigslist looking for a "casual encounter." In spite of being very honest in my description (including being quite overweight) I got a boatload of responses. Some were easy to discard right away: the one line answers, the single men, the "babies" (under 35), the ones that included a nude photo, the ones that sounded like illiterate creeps. Some went into the "maybe" category and 10 went into the "pursue" category. So far I've met one man, and have two more dates set up. I still want to set up a few more. Basically, I am "interviewing" potential lovers. Weird. Not something I ever expected to do. Also, didn't think there were that many lonely married men out there. There seem to be a whole lot of wives out there doing to their husbands what W does to me. There are so many similar stories out there. Yep, it may take me a bit to find the right one, but I'm on my way to starting another affair. Hopefully in a week or so, I'll have found the man I want to pursue an extramarital relationship with. Hopefully, we will be in sync with one another, looking for a physical outlet without emotional complications. Hopefully, we can get together on a somewhat regular basis to ease the tension. I know some would say that following this path is terrible, and not right, and immoral, and unfair to our spouses, etc. They are probably right, but I make no apologies. I have made my choice, and I'm going to go for it. I'm just too tired of this unsatisfying life.
Oh and one last update: W and I decided not to do anything with R. There just seems to be too much risk. Yes, I know that what I'm about to get myself into with a male lover is also risky. However, I'm looking for someone who is also looking for one playmate, not a different woman every day or every week. I'm finding there are men out there just as needy as I am and not getting any so I'm trying to minimize risk by finding one of these men, not the players of the world.
Showing posts with label R. Show all posts
Showing posts with label R. Show all posts
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Assorted Updates
Unsent email - Following discussion with W, I decided not to send it but to hold on to it for possible use in the future in case J contacts me again.
Little blue pills - Turns out I misunderstood W. I thought the prescription was called in to the pharmacy. Actually the Dr. was mailing the prescription to W. W received several followup items from last week's appointment this week. The prescription for the pills was not among the items. W said he would call the Dr. and ask. Naturally, he has not told me whether or not he has done this or given me any other kind of update. Surely if he had the little blue pills he'd tell me, wouldn't he? Or would he?
What to do about R - W met R today for a late breakfast. She was 15 minutes late (starting to show a pattern here, I know it's petty but it is just such a pet peeve of mine). They chatted, and hit it off fine. W said he has the same concerns that I have although she did not mention to him any others with whom she is intimate like she did with me. She did make mention of her financial situation telling W about being on food stamps and likely having a cutback in her hours at her current part-time job. W's take is that he wouldn't mind being with R once and giving it a try. He and I both have the concern about STDs though. Since W and I both know we are 100% disease free it's kind of hard to start anything with somebody we're not sure of. We decided to discuss it further later when I can be more candid than when I'm on the phone at work.
And how are things between W and me - There has been no intimacy between W and me except a few short kisses since a week and a half ago as recounted in my earlier post, Weekend Update . At that time I feared that that weekend was meant by W to satisfy me for "a while," and it seems I was correct. He is very passive agressive about it though, claiming he wants to go to bed early but then not doing so claiming he just needs to finish a few more things around the house prior to bed, starting things when there is no time to follow through or when N is likely to interrupt. It more and more seems as though he is trying to earn points for wanting to but not having to actually do it. Maybe this is why I'm agreeable to a threesome, the thought that even if he loses interest I'll still have somebody there to continue with, or maybe he won't lose interest as quickly with someone new in the mix, or maybe it's just a way for me to be with other people without having to sneak around behind W's back, or maybe it's a bit of all three.
Little blue pills - Turns out I misunderstood W. I thought the prescription was called in to the pharmacy. Actually the Dr. was mailing the prescription to W. W received several followup items from last week's appointment this week. The prescription for the pills was not among the items. W said he would call the Dr. and ask. Naturally, he has not told me whether or not he has done this or given me any other kind of update. Surely if he had the little blue pills he'd tell me, wouldn't he? Or would he?
What to do about R - W met R today for a late breakfast. She was 15 minutes late (starting to show a pattern here, I know it's petty but it is just such a pet peeve of mine). They chatted, and hit it off fine. W said he has the same concerns that I have although she did not mention to him any others with whom she is intimate like she did with me. She did make mention of her financial situation telling W about being on food stamps and likely having a cutback in her hours at her current part-time job. W's take is that he wouldn't mind being with R once and giving it a try. He and I both have the concern about STDs though. Since W and I both know we are 100% disease free it's kind of hard to start anything with somebody we're not sure of. We decided to discuss it further later when I can be more candid than when I'm on the phone at work.
And how are things between W and me - There has been no intimacy between W and me except a few short kisses since a week and a half ago as recounted in my earlier post, Weekend Update . At that time I feared that that weekend was meant by W to satisfy me for "a while," and it seems I was correct. He is very passive agressive about it though, claiming he wants to go to bed early but then not doing so claiming he just needs to finish a few more things around the house prior to bed, starting things when there is no time to follow through or when N is likely to interrupt. It more and more seems as though he is trying to earn points for wanting to but not having to actually do it. Maybe this is why I'm agreeable to a threesome, the thought that even if he loses interest I'll still have somebody there to continue with, or maybe he won't lose interest as quickly with someone new in the mix, or maybe it's just a way for me to be with other people without having to sneak around behind W's back, or maybe it's a bit of all three.
Monday, July 31, 2006
I'm such a loser
Met R yesterday for lunch. She was almost a half hour late. I just hate when people are late. As usual, I was about 15 minutes early so I had a really long time to wait. I almost gave up, thinking she was a no-show, an all too common occurrence in the lifestyle I find. However, she did show up, late, with her story of getting lost on the way to excuse her tardiness. (Sorry, I’m just chronically punctual and get really annoyed by others who aren’t probably due to the number of times in childhood my dad left me waiting on the school steps long after everyone else had been picked up.)
However, once R was there we hit it off pretty well. She seems very nice and is not a novice to the lifestyle like I had thought she might be. We talked for over three hours and found several interests we have in common. I was enthusiastic about her when we talked yesterday, but now I find myself rethinking certain things and wondering if I really want to go through with a threesome with her. Although she didn’t indicate that she would want money at all, she did make it very clear that her financial status is very poor. That makes me just a bit nervous as I really don’t want to pay for everything but would rather we all share the cost of any outings we might have together. We both talked about how we are looking for someone to be not just a bedroom buddy but a friend with whom we do other things socially, going out for meals and plays and so forth. I’m pretty sure she cannot afford that on her own so we would probably have to bear the cost of most of it. Hmmmm. . . Also, there is something about the way she talks about the number of people she has been with, and continues to be with, that gets to me. After the STD scare a couple of months ago, do I really want to be involved with someone that I know for a fact is involved with several others who themselves are probably involved with several others? Hmmmm. . .
Well, W is supposed to meet R this week sometime (no time yet arranged) so I’ll see what his feelings are after meeting her, and before he meets her I’ll share my reservations with him.
Maybe it’s not fair to hold up very high standards when looking for someone willing to be part of a threesome. Certainly, there would be no reason to expect the parties involved to not be promiscuous. Yet I can’t help but worry about the STD potential. Maybe those of us out there looking for these kinds of relationships are already so messed up that we can’t expect to find “normal” people out there to play with.
Now I remember what it was that turned me off of swinging all those years ago when we did it before. Shoot. I’m not sure I can go through with this. Shoot. In some ways, I’m such a prude. Shoot, shoot, shoot. I’m such a loser and a dork.
And on the other front, I haven’t heard from J since two weeks from yesterday – not an email, not a phone call, nothing. Nor have I contacted him. . . and I don’t intend to. . . I think. . .
Focus on W.
Focus on W.
Focus on W.
Focus on W. . .
However, once R was there we hit it off pretty well. She seems very nice and is not a novice to the lifestyle like I had thought she might be. We talked for over three hours and found several interests we have in common. I was enthusiastic about her when we talked yesterday, but now I find myself rethinking certain things and wondering if I really want to go through with a threesome with her. Although she didn’t indicate that she would want money at all, she did make it very clear that her financial status is very poor. That makes me just a bit nervous as I really don’t want to pay for everything but would rather we all share the cost of any outings we might have together. We both talked about how we are looking for someone to be not just a bedroom buddy but a friend with whom we do other things socially, going out for meals and plays and so forth. I’m pretty sure she cannot afford that on her own so we would probably have to bear the cost of most of it. Hmmmm. . . Also, there is something about the way she talks about the number of people she has been with, and continues to be with, that gets to me. After the STD scare a couple of months ago, do I really want to be involved with someone that I know for a fact is involved with several others who themselves are probably involved with several others? Hmmmm. . .
Well, W is supposed to meet R this week sometime (no time yet arranged) so I’ll see what his feelings are after meeting her, and before he meets her I’ll share my reservations with him.
Maybe it’s not fair to hold up very high standards when looking for someone willing to be part of a threesome. Certainly, there would be no reason to expect the parties involved to not be promiscuous. Yet I can’t help but worry about the STD potential. Maybe those of us out there looking for these kinds of relationships are already so messed up that we can’t expect to find “normal” people out there to play with.
Now I remember what it was that turned me off of swinging all those years ago when we did it before. Shoot. I’m not sure I can go through with this. Shoot. In some ways, I’m such a prude. Shoot, shoot, shoot. I’m such a loser and a dork.
And on the other front, I haven’t heard from J since two weeks from yesterday – not an email, not a phone call, nothing. Nor have I contacted him. . . and I don’t intend to. . . I think. . .
Focus on W.
Focus on W.
Focus on W.
Focus on W. . .
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Too many things on my mind
Why hasn’t J called or emailed?
-----------------
I’m going to meet R on Sunday. R is one of the women that responded to our ad for a threesome. We had hoped to have someone over last weekend, but it didn’t work out. We have been emailing back and forth with R all week. W and I can’t both meet her right now because somebody has to watch N so I’ll have lunch with R on Sunday. If she and I hit it off, then we’ll arrange for W to meet her sometime next week. We probably won’t be able to get all three of us together for a couple of weeks, until N goes away to camp.
-----------------
W told me that he decided to call his doctor to discuss possible solutions to his ED. The doctor prescribed the infamous little blue pills. W hasn’t picked up the prescription yet although it was supposed to be at the pharmacy yesterday. I’m not sure what that means, or if it means anything. Guess I’ll just wait and see, but it makes me hopeful that we’re gonna try them out this weekend.
-----------------
Why hasn’t J emailed or called?
-----------------
Why does W often want to fool around when it’s going to make me late for something (like work) and not when we have plenty of time (like in the evening)? Is this a way to limit how long he has to spend on it?
-----------------
R is two years younger than me, a little shorter, and from the looks of the picture she sent with one of her emails, just a bit heavier. I hope she is as nice in person as she is in her emails.
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Why can’t I stop obsessing over J emailing or calling? I was feeling so much stronger last week. Where did that go?
-----------------
I feel like I’m cheating on J by being with W and/or R. Don’t know why for sure. I certainly don’t owe J anything or have any commitment to him. Yet I feel more like I’m cheating on J than on W. Weird.
-----------------
Why does J act jealous of W when J doesn’t want a committed relationship with me anyway?
-----------------
I’m going to meet R on Sunday. R is one of the women that responded to our ad for a threesome. We had hoped to have someone over last weekend, but it didn’t work out. We have been emailing back and forth with R all week. W and I can’t both meet her right now because somebody has to watch N so I’ll have lunch with R on Sunday. If she and I hit it off, then we’ll arrange for W to meet her sometime next week. We probably won’t be able to get all three of us together for a couple of weeks, until N goes away to camp.
-----------------
W told me that he decided to call his doctor to discuss possible solutions to his ED. The doctor prescribed the infamous little blue pills. W hasn’t picked up the prescription yet although it was supposed to be at the pharmacy yesterday. I’m not sure what that means, or if it means anything. Guess I’ll just wait and see, but it makes me hopeful that we’re gonna try them out this weekend.
-----------------
Why hasn’t J emailed or called?
-----------------
Why does W often want to fool around when it’s going to make me late for something (like work) and not when we have plenty of time (like in the evening)? Is this a way to limit how long he has to spend on it?
-----------------
R is two years younger than me, a little shorter, and from the looks of the picture she sent with one of her emails, just a bit heavier. I hope she is as nice in person as she is in her emails.
-----------------
Why can’t I stop obsessing over J emailing or calling? I was feeling so much stronger last week. Where did that go?
-----------------
I feel like I’m cheating on J by being with W and/or R. Don’t know why for sure. I certainly don’t owe J anything or have any commitment to him. Yet I feel more like I’m cheating on J than on W. Weird.
-----------------
Why does J act jealous of W when J doesn’t want a committed relationship with me anyway?
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