Saturday, August 05, 2006

The State of Affairs

I have two different topics today so I thought about making two separate posts, but then decided that they are probably related so let's see if I can do it in one.

Yesterday, W came home and waved a pill bottle in front of me. He'd just gotten back from the store where he picked up his prescription of Viagra. Now, if I were the one in need of the Viagra and had just gotten my prescription I would have wanted to try it out right away. Not W, Nope. It's expensive (about $10/pill) so he wants to save it for "special occasions" Okay, to me getting the damn prescription is special occasion enough, but I guess not. As of tomorrow, we will be at two sex-free weeks. Oh, except he French kissed me three times before he rolled over to go to sleep last night. Woohoo. I'm all tingly. Oh well. We take N to camp tomorrow so we'll have a few child-free days. I'm hoping child-free means W will deem it a "special occasion" but who knows.

Gave up on J this week. It just isn't ever going to be the way I want it to be so I have to stop making myself crazy. However, due to topic #1 and feeling quite unsatisfied, and after much thought and consideration, I put an ad on Craigslist looking for a "casual encounter." In spite of being very honest in my description (including being quite overweight) I got a boatload of responses. Some were easy to discard right away: the one line answers, the single men, the "babies" (under 35), the ones that included a nude photo, the ones that sounded like illiterate creeps. Some went into the "maybe" category and 10 went into the "pursue" category. So far I've met one man, and have two more dates set up. I still want to set up a few more. Basically, I am "interviewing" potential lovers. Weird. Not something I ever expected to do. Also, didn't think there were that many lonely married men out there. There seem to be a whole lot of wives out there doing to their husbands what W does to me. There are so many similar stories out there. Yep, it may take me a bit to find the right one, but I'm on my way to starting another affair. Hopefully in a week or so, I'll have found the man I want to pursue an extramarital relationship with. Hopefully, we will be in sync with one another, looking for a physical outlet without emotional complications. Hopefully, we can get together on a somewhat regular basis to ease the tension. I know some would say that following this path is terrible, and not right, and immoral, and unfair to our spouses, etc. They are probably right, but I make no apologies. I have made my choice, and I'm going to go for it. I'm just too tired of this unsatisfying life.

Oh and one last update: W and I decided not to do anything with R. There just seems to be too much risk. Yes, I know that what I'm about to get myself into with a male lover is also risky. However, I'm looking for someone who is also looking for one playmate, not a different woman every day or every week. I'm finding there are men out there just as needy as I am and not getting any so I'm trying to minimize risk by finding one of these men, not the players of the world.

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