Thursday, July 27, 2006

Too many things on my mind

Why hasn’t J called or emailed?
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I’m going to meet R on Sunday. R is one of the women that responded to our ad for a threesome. We had hoped to have someone over last weekend, but it didn’t work out. We have been emailing back and forth with R all week. W and I can’t both meet her right now because somebody has to watch N so I’ll have lunch with R on Sunday. If she and I hit it off, then we’ll arrange for W to meet her sometime next week. We probably won’t be able to get all three of us together for a couple of weeks, until N goes away to camp.
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W told me that he decided to call his doctor to discuss possible solutions to his ED. The doctor prescribed the infamous little blue pills. W hasn’t picked up the prescription yet although it was supposed to be at the pharmacy yesterday. I’m not sure what that means, or if it means anything. Guess I’ll just wait and see, but it makes me hopeful that we’re gonna try them out this weekend.
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Why hasn’t J emailed or called?
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Why does W often want to fool around when it’s going to make me late for something (like work) and not when we have plenty of time (like in the evening)? Is this a way to limit how long he has to spend on it?
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R is two years younger than me, a little shorter, and from the looks of the picture she sent with one of her emails, just a bit heavier. I hope she is as nice in person as she is in her emails.
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Why can’t I stop obsessing over J emailing or calling? I was feeling so much stronger last week. Where did that go?
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I feel like I’m cheating on J by being with W and/or R. Don’t know why for sure. I certainly don’t owe J anything or have any commitment to him. Yet I feel more like I’m cheating on J than on W. Weird.
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Why does J act jealous of W when J doesn’t want a committed relationship with me anyway?

4 comments:

Stinkypaw said...

Let it go! Keep repeating your mantra!

Satan said...

"Why does W often want to fool around when it’s going to make me late for something (like work) and not when we have plenty of time (like in the evening)? Is this a way to limit how long he has to spend on it?"

No, it's classic. He 'initiates' during a "safe" time because he knows he won't have to follow through. Approaching you to fool around during a big wide open evening would only mean that he actually has to do it!

trueself said...

SP,

Yes, I know.
Focus on W.
Focus on W.
Focus on W.

Satan,

Yeah, I really think you are correct. He does mostly pick times that are "safe" when there just isn't enough time or our son is likely to interrupt or whatever else that would make it a time where I'll be the one to turn him down. Then he gets credit for having tried without actually having to do anything. There are a few exceptions to this, but not often.

Rosie said...

I've read all the way through and so thought to comment. Satan may have a point, but in my marriage there was another reason for such behavior. My husband would run test. The test being along the lines of "IF you REALLY love me you will PROVE it and so be late for work." But no test ever satisfied him and so there would be another and another. He had a void that just could not be filled. And even after this emotional problem was diagnosed he couldn't stop.