Sunday Stealing: The "What If" Meme

Is it too late to post last Sunday's Sunday Stealing entry? Of course not! At least not in my world it isn't.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? My initial thought was W. However, as N’s father I just can’t do that to him (just like I couldn’t let him become homeless). My second thought was Osama Bin Laden. Him I think I could live with exploding.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? Big & Rich

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? George W. Bush

4. What is your favorite cheese? It depends. Pepperjack for most sandwiches, cheddar for omelets, cream for bagels, feta in salads, bleu in salad dressing.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make? Multigrain bread, Miracle Whip, avocado, lettuce, tomato, red onion, grainy brown mustard.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? Decisions, decisions. . . so many good possibilities. . . hmm. . . just one, huh. . . Josh Duhamel because he’s gorgeous and 11 years younger than me so he’s old enough to know what he’s doing and young enough to last a long time.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? Madonna, because she is gorgeous, adventurous, about my age with a lifetime of varied experiences so we could spend a sensuous afternoon exploring our sensuality together.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? Buy N one of the Christmas presents he wanted that I couldn’t afford.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Australia. I’ve always wanted to visit Australia.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Buy a round of drinks at the nearest pub.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…? Jack Daniels.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? Back to the 1930’s so I can go visit my grandparents when they were raising my parents to see what insights I can get into my family history.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Always treat others as well or better than how you would like to be treated.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise? It is called “Relationships” and it is a reality show that follows couples struggling with issues in their relationships. Hey, I never said it would be a good show, okay?

15.What is your favorite curse word? Shit, if one were to go by the number of times I use it.

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Get up and go to the bathroom as though it were just my normal middle of the night trip, and then calmly exit to the nearest phone to call 911.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item? My appointment calendar which contains much information beyond appointments, such as important phone numbers, insurance policy numbers, etc.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Spend it with N in the activity of his choice.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be? The ability to see one day into the future with clarity.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Sitting in N’s birthmother’s hospital room, holding N while conversing with his birthparents.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? With so many from which to choose, this ain’t easy. Hmm. . . Okay, got it. . . Getting hit by a car as I walked through the parking lot at work.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now? Australia

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be? The strip club the bi group goes to occasionally.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”? It must be an indication of something in my personality that I would probably hide the ability as best I could from everyone.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Dan Fogelberg

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? A friend of mine from high school who died when he was only 19 when he was killed by a police officer when the officer shot him in the back as he was running away from a non-violent crime he had committed.

27. What’s your theme song?
Promises Made by Dan Fogelberg

Promises made and promises broken
Measures of our demise
Secrets of souls that rarely get spoken
Pleasure's a thin disguise

Dozens of ways and dozens of reasons
Shielding our hearts from pain
Riddles of romance
That distance may yet explain

Certain of nothing
So fearful of love
Nobody seems to show you enough
Over and over the scenes are replayed
And once again those promises made

Feeling forsaken, broken in two
How did this ever happen to you
Taken for granted, bruised and betrayed
Lonely survivors these promises made

Dozens of ways and dozens of reasons
Shielding our hearts from pain
Riddles of romance
That distance may yet explain

Certain of nothing
You're so damn fearful of love
Nobody seems to show you enough
Over and over the scenes are replayed
And once again those promises made
Those promises made