Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thursday Therapy: Idling in Neutral

This past week is one of those times when I feel like I’ve just had the gear in neutral and have idled. I don’t think this is a bad thing. It is sometimes necessary during any process to just take some time and space for nothing. Even God took the seventh day off. Not only that, He then included it in one of His commandments to us. Time off – a necessary part of life and all the processes therein.

Consequently, I don’t feel like I have a lot to talk about here this week. One never knows though until getting into the flow of the writing though where it will go or what and how much ground may be covered. Most all of my posting is just stream of consciousness stuff. Let’s see where the stream leads today.

Last Friday, I met with a journalist who is working on a story about women like me. Specifically, she is writing about moms who cheat. She had put out the call on Twitter, and I responded. We met for only an hour, not nearly enough time to cover everything but enough time I think to cover the basics of how it started and a lot about J and how that relationship continues on a sporadic basis today. Also, she’s read some of my blog so she wasn’t entirely unaware of me and my less than stellar side. It felt brave in some ways to talk to someone IRL who hasn’t been part of my little circle of imaginary internet friends about that side of me. It was a little scary, but Mrs. Chicken couldn’t have been nicer. Having followed her blog for a while I knew she would be. I’m looking forward to reading her article when she completes it and will most likely share a link to it here so you can read it too.

Talking on Friday felt like the start of the idling process, it kicked off a period of just kind of reflecting and reviewing for myself how I’ve come to be here, at this point, now. This was followed by a weekend filled with N and me activities which left little time for me to be me or ruminate on being me or whatever.

Tuesday should have seen me in session with Freud, but I canceled. I haven’t yet decided what I think of my reason for canceling. I waver between feeling justified and feeling that I was weaseling out of an uncomfortable situation. The fact of the matter is that instead of meeting with Freud I met with my pastor, not in any therapeutic sort of way, but to discuss adult education matters within the church. We had been trying to schedule a time to have lunch to have this discussion for about three weeks. Tuesday worked for the pastor but it conflicted with my appointment with Freud. Rather than postpone our meeting further I canceled Freud in order to have lunch with the pastor. At this point, it is what it is so I’m not giving it much further thought but will just move forward with no intent of canceling future appointments with Freud.

For right now, I’m living the words of Scarlett O’Hara:

I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.

After all... tomorrow is another day.

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