Seeing Daylight

These struggles with depression scare me sometimes, but generally only when I’m heading downward into them. The good news is that while I can sink pretty fast, I am much more buoyant than I used to be (God bless the major pharmaceutical companies even though I’d like to punch the lights out on every one of their sleazy reps stalking medical offices) and I pop back up to the surface much more quickly and without as much difficulty as in the past.

So with that opening, let me say that while all does not look peachy keen just yet I am seeing that the light at the end of the tunnel is drawing nearer and is indeed daylight and blue skies.

Thank you to the readers who responded to my cry for help yesterday. Thank you to my counselor who also responded to my cry for help last night during our counseling session. Thank you to BJ who listened patiently as I droned on and on about all that is awful and negative. Thank you to N for proving that the counselor’s advice was right on target by reacting exactly as she predicted when I tried certain parenting techniques.

Yesterday after work I managed before W brought N home for the night at 8:00 p.m. to have a well balanced healthy dinner, get gas at what appeared to be the last “cheap” station in town so that I paid “only” $3.71 instead of $3.89 a gallon, and stop at the grocery store for some much needed staples (milk, juice, frozen pizza). I got home maybe 15 minutes before N did. Then I spent an hour on the phone with my counselor. After that, I made N a snack because he was “starving” and put him to bed. I got two loads of laundry washed and one dried while talking to BJ on the phone before settling down for the night. This morning in addition to the normal routine I managed to get some things put away in my bedroom that have needed it for a very long time, unpacked a box of blankets that had remained unopened since the move a year ago, dried the second load of laundry from last night, and got one more load of laundry washed and into the dryer although all three loads (in addition to a load of sheets I did a couple of days ago) still need to be folded. All of this productivity helped me feel better about things even though the house is still a disaster. That’s okay though because it is less of a disaster this minute than it was 24 hours ago. As long as I keep making progress, even slow snail-like progress, I will consider it to be a success.

I’ve also come up with a plan to start going through all the shit crap junk unwanted treasures in the house and dividing them into three categories: Sell, Donate, and Scrap. I am going to put them in designated places in the garage and tell W he has until a certain date to go through the things and take what he wants. After that, I will dispose of the items according to their category.

Yep, that there is daylight at the end of the tunnel. Whew!