No Se Nada

Today I’m delving into the topic that is weighing heavily on my mind lately, particularly since attending church yesterday. If my little forays into religion aren’t your cup of tea you might do well to come back another day although this is less about religion than it is about human relations that just happens to be taking place within a religious setting.

First, I want to lay out the facts that I know, some of which may or may not be related to the situation. I just want them all here to serve as the foundation for me as I roll this around in my brain. Then I intend to see what those facts tell me and see what conclusions, if any, are possible at this point in time. Finally, I want to put down the questions I have over the situation and some musings about where to go from here for myself. This is, my friends, mostly an exercise just for myself, but if anyone thinks they have something productive to offer me or a point of view that I’ve missed, please feel free to weigh in with it. I realize I may very well be looking at the situation through a narrow straw and might benefit from a wider perspective.

The Facts
Fact #1: Two weeks ago I received a letter from the church council informing me of the departure of the pastor from the congregation. The letter referred to “performance appraisal issues” and mediation that had been ongoing for some months between the church council and the pastor and indicated that an inability to reach agreement was the reason for the pastor’s departure.
Fact #2: About a month ago the office manager for the church resigned with the announcement that she was returning to work at her home church.
Fact #3: Yesterday the situation with the pastor was mentioned two times during the church service: (1) during the joys and concerns when one member of the congregation asked that the pastor and his family be held up in prayer and another asked that the congregation be held up in prayer with the request that those who were blindsided by the “resignation” of the pastor would be willing to listen and have patience, and (2) during the announcements when it was announced that meetings will be held in a couple of weeks to better inform the congregation of what has occurred and how the church will proceed forward.
Fact #4: The pastor’s wife who has also held a staff position within the church is no longer listed as a staff member in the bulletin nor was she present yesterday at the service.
Fact #5: No mention was made of the pastor’s wife in the original letter I received.
Fact #6: It was announced yesterday that a certain person will be taking on a subset of the pastor’s wife’s staff duties for at least the summer months.
Fact #7: As of yesterday, the church’s website has not been updated to reflect any staffing changes.
Fact #8: I felt more uncomfortable in that church yesterday morning than I ever have in the year I’ve been attending there. There were several times when I felt an incredible urge to jump up and bolt out of the building, not because of anything specific that happened but just the overall general discomfort I felt.

Conclusions
No matter how much I go over the facts above there just is not enough there for me to draw much in the way of conclusions. Certainly I could put some pieces above together and develop some speculations, but to what end? What purpose could it possibly serve for me to speculate other than to stir me up and bring me into a state of further agitation? Why should I do that? I will admit that there are speculations that have taken up far too much space in my brain as I’ve pondered the facts above, and yet without further factual information it is impossible to know which, if any, of my speculations are close to the truth of the matter. I refuse to draw conclusions based on my own ill-informed speculations. I guess the only real conclusion I have from all of this is that given what I know about myself I will not be able to determine my reaction to the situation until I know more about the situation. Oh, and one other conclusion I’ve drawn is that to announce a situation like this and then to wait a month to provide explanation of it is not good, at least for me it is not good for the longer I am left in limbo the more difficult it becomes for me to accept being there.

Questions
In no particular order, just as they pop into my head, my questions are:
Question #1: What was the basis for the pastor and church council’s disagreement?
Question #2: Why was the congregation not made aware that there was a disagreement and mediation effort under way?
Question #3: Is the resignation of the church’s office manager related to this situation, and if so, how?
Question #4: Why was the decision made to allow a month’s time to transpire between the announcement and the explanation?
Question #5: What should a congregant learn from how this was handled by the church council?
Question #6: (This one is a question that I alone can answer and can’t be answered until I have the other questions answered.) Can I stay in this church with a clear conscience?
Question #7: How does the absence of the pastor's wife tie into this? Did she resign, get fired, something else?

Musings
This will be an interesting time in the life of this church. Once I listen and hear what the church council has to say on the matter, it should become easier (I hope) for me to discern the proper course of action for myself. It would be an extraordinary shame if after only becoming an official member a few months ago that I would have to move on. However, I can only make that decision once I know as much as I can about the situation. A lack of forthcoming on the part of those directly involved will weigh heavily against my being able to stay, and my fear is that is exactly what will happen. “Trust us. We did the right thing.” That is the message I fear that I will hear. I have always been, and will always be, one who will fight for as much openness and honesty as possible. It is part of my personality that I bristle at the very notion of doing things that are not to be revealed (hence my huge internal conflict over many of my sneaky behaviors in the last couple of years).

My hope here is that, as usual, the act of putting this all down in writing will allow myself to let go of at least some of it so that I can go about my daily life without stewing over various aspects of the situation. Here it is, right here, all the thoughts that I have about it, all in one place. May God grant me the peace that will allow me to leave these thoughts here for the time being, to be picked up again when the congregational meetings are held on the issue in almost two weeks.