Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What I Wish I Had the Guts to Say

Tell me, please, what would be enough communication with you regarding N’s schedule? Why is it that for me to put together a monthly schedule is too much communication and that you think we should just “play it by ear” but then when I tell you months in advance about certain activities that have been planned, and paid for, that N will be attending then I didn’t give you enough notice when I send the monthly schedule to you that includes that event? Why is it that when I ask you for your input on the schedule you tell me it is just fine only to have you claim later that you had no idea you were supposed to have N during one of the times that the schedule clearly indicates that you are supposed to have him? Just how much communication do you want? What is enough? What is too much? What in the hell can I do to make this work more smoothly?

It is becoming increasingly obvious that you simply intend to use N as a pawn in this colossal chess game we call Life. I can see that you intend to use the scheduling of time with him as a way to control me, to keep me in line, to prevent me from having social outings with friends, to prevent me from being able to do fun things with N that are planned in advance. Does that make you happy? Do you sit in your apartment grinning from glee that you are able to continue to exert your control over me due to the fact we share a son? Or are you just so oblivious to everything and everybody other than yourself that you truly don’t get that you are totally fucking with your son’s and my psyches with your little passive aggressive bullshit? Do you care that not only do you hurt me, but you hurt your son? Does your son mean that little to you?

How did I ever love someone who could behave this way? What on earth was I thinking?

5 comments:

Karin's Korner said...

I know exactly what you are going through and I think it is going to take the courts to make W stop this crap. My husbands x used to try that crap all the time. She would also schedule things for the weekends when we were suppose to have the children and then tell us that we could either drive to where they live and attend the function or forfit our weekends with the children...or David could go there and spend the night on the couch so that he could attend the function. The judge finally put a stop to that and told her that she could not schedule things for our weekends and if she did, we had the right to deny. So, until someone in authority tells him to stop, he is going to keep doing what he is doing. This way he still has some control over you and that is what they ultimately want. Hang in there and don't kill him....it will get better. :)

Summer said...

Have you told him exactly what you've written here? He sounds like a real ass. You and N deserve better.

Fusion said...

What Karin wrote sounds best TS. That's sad W has to be like that, sure shows his stripes...

and yes, he is a ass!

Val said...

Ah, welcome to the wonderful world of "co-parenting"!
Yes to all of the above: he's doing it to be passive-aggressive, to fuck around w/YOUR schedule, to exert whatever control he can in his lessened sphere of influence.
Just get a good plan hammered out w/a mediator & STICK TO IT - try to include every possible detail.

Trueself said...

Karin - Hang in there and don't kill him....
Good advice. I'll try to keep it in mind. ;-)

Summer - No, I haven't told him. I'm trying to "keep the peace." I don't know at what point though I'll decide that the price for peace is too high.

Fuse - Yes it is very sad. The saddest part to me is the message it sends to N. I can deal with it for myself so much better than for N.

Val - Oh yes, he's the king of passive aggressive. Yes, indeed.