Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Are You Lookin' For Me?

Today I thought I'd share with you some of the internet searches that have led people to my illustrious blog in the last couple of days. It's been an interesting mix.

Someone in Altrincham, Cheshire was searching for “single ladies wanting sex.” I doubt they found what they were looking for here. However, if I’m ever headed to Cheshire I’ll be sure to post about it so perhaps we can meet and look one another in the eye before saying to one another, “It really doesn’t matter how badly you want sex. You won’t be getting it from me.”

A reader from Málaga, Andalucia searched for “poem closed doors darkest nights deepesr thoughts.” I’m not sure if it would have helped their search had they not misspelled deeper, and I’m not even sure exactly what they were looking for with that particular search. I’m pretty sure they didn’t find it here, but if you are this searcher and you did find what you were looking for here let me know!

Another person from the United Kingdom searched for “single women in blackpool wantin sex.” Well, to you I say just look up top at my response to the person from Cheshire and apply it to you as well.

Someone in Faridabad, Haryana searched for “perverted middle aged women.” Alas, I probably have to cop to that one. However, do you really suppose they found what they were looking for here? Me neither.

This next one comes from Mesa, Arizona and asks “im a felon now how bad is my life going to suck.” Although you probably didn’t find what you were looking for when you first arrived, here’s my take on the thing. As a felon you’ve just made getting through life a whole lot harder. It isn’t impossible, but it isn’t going to be a piece of cake either. My best advice to you is rather than focusing on how bad your life will suck is to work to make it the best life you can. Turn yourself around and prove to those around you that you are indeed serious about getting your act together. Go back and make reparations as best you can to those against whom you committed felonies and apologize to them – face to face, eye to eye if possible. You’ll earn some respect that way. Don’t sit around and whine about the mess you are in or who may have contributed to it. You are responsible. Own it.

And finally, someone in St. Paul, Minnesota wants to know “how to get your girlfriend to read wikihow.” I know you didn’t find that advice here. However, I will share my thoughts. Think about the reasons behind why you want her to read Wikihow (the entire thing, one particular topic, what?) and the reasons that she has for not wanting to read it. Also, how have you approached her so far? I’m having a hard time fathoming why she would have refused to read a Wikihow article if you asked nicely, unless perhaps it was on a topic that has been a constant source of argument between the two of you. Also, if your biggest problem in your relationship is her desire not to read Wikihow then count your blessings, or if you’re the type that can’t respect that then for her sake cut her loose now. Then go get therapy to figure out why you are an overbearing bully.

And just for laughs let’s see what the ole’ horoscope has in store for me today:

Your key planet Venus is at odds with stern Saturn today, cautioning you against sharing your feelings. It's exceptionally problematic if you see nothing but the good in a situation because you could easily miss the warning signals. If you go ahead and bring your unresolved emotional issues to work, you may be embarrassed when you realize that it was inappropriate. A little self-restraint can save you from a big headache later on.
Oh yeah, sure glad I read that. I’ll be looking out for those warning signals, and I’ll try to employ a little self-restraint to prevent embarrassing myself. Heh. That would be a first.


Sulpicia said...

You are funny. That does not mean I'm in love with you. Just means you're funny. XS

Trueself said...

Yeah, when I'm not all down in the black hole of depression I have a pretty good sense of humor.

Sorry to hear you aren't in love with me though. ;-)

Fusion said...

I'd like to take that bit about the felon and send it to my daughter's lazyass BF... Well said True.