Let It Go

Remember this post?

Well, I found her. For good or for bad, I found her without even looking. Someone that graduated in our high school class puts out a sporadic class newsletter, and lo and behold, she turned up in it, with email address to boot. She's not so very far away, just two states away from me (although that's a lot farther in the Midwest than if we were up in New England somewhere). She's quite successful (oh didn't I know she would be?) and happily married with two adorable daughters.

Of course, life is grand for her. Oh yes. I knew it would be. She was, after all, voted Most Likely to Succeed. She was, after all, one of the popular ones. She was the golden girl, best at everything. Only once did I ever best her at anything. Only once, but I've clung to it throughout my life as though it were important.

Jealous some? Oh yes. Totally. We were too much alike with backgrounds that were too much alike. We were two of a kind yet (or maybe therefore) total rivals. When I moved in I was the only competition she'd ever had in the smarts department. She'd always been the smartest, the best at everything academic. I walked onto the scene and suddenly there was competition. We competed for so very much -- grade point averages, test scores, music competitions, on and on and on. The only thing we didn't compete for was boys. Now that I think about it I don't really remember her dating much, if at all, when we were in high school. Hmm, perhaps if I'd focused more on academics and less on boys I'd have beaten her more than once.

Strange that in 30 years I haven't laid aside the feelings that she can evoke in me. She is so not worth it, and I'm sure she spends not one iota of time thinking about me.

Now that I have her email address I must resist the urge to email her with a nice chatty "how ya' doing?" email. Even moreso, now that I have her married name I must resist the urge to Google her and find out more about her current life.
MUST.RESIST.URGE

Note to Trueself:
Do not become a crazy stalker lady.
Do not become a crazy stalker lady.
Do not become a crazy stalker lady.