Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Stalked Anyone Lately?

I have an obsession with a certain someone. No, it’s not BJ (in love with yes, obsessed no) and not that kind of obsession.

I am obsessed with someone who annoys the heck out of me, someone that I wouldn’t say I hate but certainly someone I would have been better off never knowing. I care way too much about what this person does, and with whom, and when, and where, and why, and how. I think about this person much too much, particularly since this person has vanished from my life. It’s crazy really. I’ve neither right nor reason to know what goes on in this person’s life. Yet I’m dying to know. For some reason (a reason I think this person would understand and in some perverse way I think this person would even enjoy knowing the reason was there) I want to keep a watchful eye on this person, to know all about this person. I have used every internet resource known to me to track this person, but I always come up empty, probably because I don’t have enough information, even basic information, to do a good free sleuthing job. At least I’m not foolish enough to spend money to try to track this person. Nope, even I draw the line somewhere. I imagine that if I were to hire a private detective that I could track down this person, probably even learn more than I ever wanted to know.

What would I do if I ever really did locate this person? I don’t know. Probably I’d do nothing. I would probably do absolutely nothing with any information I learned other than maybe have the occasional laugh at this person’s expense and/or be drawn in further by the obsession of knowing. Yes, I can imagine driving by this person’s residence and looking in the windows or observing this person in the yard (if this person even has a yard). I can imagine weird stalker behavior becoming my norm if I were to find this person and allow myself to be sucked in to the swirl of thoughts and emotions this person evokes. Most likely, however, I would do nothing for I would find this person is far enough away that I could not easily act on my obsession. I guess that’s good luck for this person with whom I am obsessed.

Nobody IRL has any idea that I have this obsession. It is a big secret, so please don’t share it with anybody, ‘k? I just wrote this because, like with all things on my mind, I hope that by writing it down somewhere I can let go of it at least a little bit. Perhaps when this person dominates my thoughts I can look back at this post, laugh at the silliness of it all and let go of it again. When I write it out like this it does sound most ridiculous to me and reminds me of a quote from Ann Landers: “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” I used to have that posted in my cubicle several years ago. It may just be time to post it there again.

7 comments:

Nancy said...

I have one of those obsessions. This person that I dated in college for a while and dropped because I thought I was in love with the idiot that became my first husband. I keep track of him from afar, have been able to watch his successes via the internet, and kick myself at least once a year for not holding onto the nice guy.

Fusion said...

Never stalked, but I have used resources on the web to find people. When I want to, I'm pretty good at it, so I've been told. It's just a matter of knowing the right ways and sites to use.

I've been tempted to look up my "what if" girl from years ago, but I figure that's just water under the bridge...

Joe Flirt said...

Been there done that (the feeling), both with the reveared as well as the reviled. It will pass. The Reviled aren't worth the effort (why yes, I do state the obvious quite well).

Trueself said...

Nancy - Ah yes, the internet has made it so much easier for us to look in on those from the past. I'm not real sure if that's a blessing or a curse.

Fuse - Sometimes it's best to leave the past in the past. On the other hand, I will say that I'm very glad to have reconnected with J, my what if guy. If I hadn't I might still be dreaming of him. Having reconnected I was able to let go of those dreams.

Joe - You are right. It will pass, and this person definitely is not worth the effort.

Fiona said...

She's really NOT worth it, TS ;)

Trueself said...

Fiona - Yes. I know.

Val said...

That's a great AL quote! [need to heed that advice myself]