Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Clear as Mud

I decided to address this in a separate post because I've had a handful of comments recently that rather than address one at a time I thought would be easier to address once, right here.

Where is N living, and what are the long term plans?

N is currently living with W in Location of Old Home (hereinafter referred to as LOH) while I, of course, am living in Location of New Job (hereinafter referred to as LNJ). The reasons that N stayed with W in LOH instead of moving to LNJ with me are for the following combination of reasons:
1. Our family counselor as well as a few teachers and several parents recommended letting N finish the school year in LOH if at all possible as it is particularly disruptive to children changing schools in the middle of the school year.
2. It gives me time to find a permanent home in LNJ without being rushed, allowing me to find the best fit for N in terms of neighborhoods, schools, etc.
3. It gives me time to decompress, destress, think, vegetate, assess, reassess, and gives me some "me time." (Well, if I could keep 'em off the phone!)
4. Lastly, and without this one I would have moved N when I moved, W has made a lot of progress through counseling in improving his relationship with N. It isn't perfect, but it is a hell of a lot better than it was and continues to improve.

So for now, I go to LOH on Friday night after work for the weekend and return to LNH on Sunday night. I spend a lot of "Mom and me" time with N on the weekend. We also agreed to speaking on the phone every day during the week.

For the long term, I definitely intend to move N up here once school is out. The only question that remains somewhat open, because I can't find the guts to make the final decision, is whether or not W will move up here with us. That's one of my life decisions that I am pondering while here by myself. I think I've pondered these questions on this blog plenty such as here and here. Anyway, what I know for certain is that by summer N will move to LNJ to be with me. Whether W stays in LOH, moves to LNJ, or as he threatens, moves to parts unknown is yet to be decided.

Does this clarify enough? Are there other areas that are murky? Well, besides my decision-making abilities, that is.


freebird said...

You know TS, you are doing what I would LOVE the opportunity to do - having some time on your own to “decompress, destress, think, vegetate, assess, reassess” - as you so aptly put it. I hope you do see it as an opportunity. And I’m sure that in time you’ll stop wavering between dependence and withdrawal and learn to have faith in your own day-to-day decisions. Hopefully life’s bigger decisions will become clearer in the process.

Oh yes, one question: How's the new job going? :-)

Anonymous said...

Tough decisions. I hope you are able to do what is best for you and N.

Emily said...

Yes, I'm clear now, thanks for that :-)

A bit of time to recover from all the drama, get some focus and learn to rely on your own judgement more will be so good for you - and probably good for your mothering of N, too, when he joins you.