Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Still Feeling Like a Hermit
That's what you'll find at my front door. Well, not really, but I am very much enjoying being by myself. Very, very much.
How nice it is to leave work and have the freedom to decide what to do. If I want to go shopping, I go shopping. If I want to go see a movie, then I go see a movie. If I want to go to a bar, I go to a bar. Okay, I haven't actually done either of those last two things, but if I wanted to I could. It's all up to me. Truth be told, I leave work and most days head straight home, back to my womb as a close friend calls it.
As everyone has fallen into more of a routine phone calls have become less intrusive. Even N finds it hard to think of lots of things to say in his nightly calls. I'm afraid though that I've made BJ too hesitant about calling. When he calls my cell and gets voicemail he emphasizes that if I'm too busy not to call him back. Sigh. . . Guess that's what I get for having a real life relationship with one of my blog readers. Although in some ways, I guess it's good because I've become less reticent to call him instead of waiting for him to always call me. Not that it's always a good thing, particularly when his wife is sitting right next to him when I call. I can always tell when that happens though because his voice sounds completely different when she's nearby than when he's free to talk, and I make it short and to the point -- I'm available to talk if you get the chance.
It's been a short time. I'm sure that eventually I'll be ready to not retreat to my home night after night all alone, but for right now I'm really enjoying it. At first, I felt there was something wrong with how much I was enjoying it. Now, I'm embracing my enjoyment of it. It's something I need to do, to be by myself, to think, to relax, to destress after a very stressful time in my life. In some ways, this is a vacation time for me, a vacation from real life, and the new job is so engaging, so interesting and stimulating, that even that doesn't detract from the vacation like feel of this time. Yes, I still feel like a hermit, but now I'm not seeing that as such a bad thing. It's a good thing. It's what I need. It's not permanent.
Ahhhhh. I'm starting to get more comfortable with myself. What a nice feeling.