Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Still Feeling Like a Hermit

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That's what you'll find at my front door. Well, not really, but I am very much enjoying being by myself. Very, very much.

How nice it is to leave work and have the freedom to decide what to do. If I want to go shopping, I go shopping. If I want to go see a movie, then I go see a movie. If I want to go to a bar, I go to a bar. Okay, I haven't actually done either of those last two things, but if I wanted to I could. It's all up to me. Truth be told, I leave work and most days head straight home, back to my womb as a close friend calls it.

As everyone has fallen into more of a routine phone calls have become less intrusive. Even N finds it hard to think of lots of things to say in his nightly calls. I'm afraid though that I've made BJ too hesitant about calling. When he calls my cell and gets voicemail he emphasizes that if I'm too busy not to call him back. Sigh. . . Guess that's what I get for having a real life relationship with one of my blog readers. Although in some ways, I guess it's good because I've become less reticent to call him instead of waiting for him to always call me. Not that it's always a good thing, particularly when his wife is sitting right next to him when I call. I can always tell when that happens though because his voice sounds completely different when she's nearby than when he's free to talk, and I make it short and to the point -- I'm available to talk if you get the chance.

It's been a short time. I'm sure that eventually I'll be ready to not retreat to my home night after night all alone, but for right now I'm really enjoying it. At first, I felt there was something wrong with how much I was enjoying it. Now, I'm embracing my enjoyment of it. It's something I need to do, to be by myself, to think, to relax, to destress after a very stressful time in my life. In some ways, this is a vacation time for me, a vacation from real life, and the new job is so engaging, so interesting and stimulating, that even that doesn't detract from the vacation like feel of this time. Yes, I still feel like a hermit, but now I'm not seeing that as such a bad thing. It's a good thing. It's what I need. It's not permanent.

Ahhhhh. I'm starting to get more comfortable with myself. What a nice feeling.


Anonymous said...

That is a nice feeling. Good for you.

Stinkypaw said...

Good for you! Keep it up!

freebird said...

I am sooooooo jealous! ;-)

Serenity said...

What freebird said! Me too. I took a mental health day today to just wallow in my solitude (and clean house, so as not to wallow in filth.) god it does feel good. and it's the best way to reacquaint ourselves with ourselves too i think.

Fiona said...

It's terrific to read this after following along for so long when you didn't know if you could do this!

And so glad to see you are comfortable in you....that really is the start to everything else TS.

Karin's Korner said...

I just have to tell you trueself, When I first moved out I also moved all my myself. My children stayed with the X because it was closer to school. I LOVED IT. I do have to tell you that I was just renting a room in a big boarding house and there were 6 other rooms in which mostly men were living so I felt safe, otherwise I am the biggest baby when it comes to staying home alone. I just say YOU GO GIRL, have some fun without having to think of those at home that you have to take care of.

oldbear said...

Hi lady, i am glad fo ryou!

I think yuo have long needed time alone to think and just be whoever you are.

Like almost all of us, most gals need to time alone to grow into whoever they are without living with a steady or a spouse!

Just my 2 cetns Truey, enjoy the solitude.

Seeker said...

Just wanted to tell you that I am so jealous too! I have never lived alone - and, at this particular point in my life, I have vitually no time and space to myself at all! So, you enjoy it girl!

I'm glad the new job is going well too. It sounds as if you are really finding your 'true self' now!

Freebird - can I say that I miss reading your blog now that you have gone all 'private'! I hope you are well anyway.

trueself said...

Thanks one and all for all your well wishes. It is a nice feeling to become more comfortable with myself. I'm finally deciding I'm not such an awful person after all. And yes, I know, I'm the last one to get that figured out. You've all been trying to tell me that for several months.