Friday, June 02, 2006

No Response

Haven't gotten a response from J to my email about tomorrow. Since I can't call him from my cell phone, I went and bought a prepaid phone card yesterday at lunch time so I could call him. I called and left a message on his cell phone asking him to please at least let me know yes or no. He hasn't. I'm going to assume the answer is no.

In a way, I'm disappointed, but in a way, it is a relief. I feel like he has saved me from myself. I know I've been wrong in all this. I know I should feel remorse for it, but I don't. Somehow I've known all along that someone other than myself would have to stop me. Somehow I've known all along that I would push until I pushed too hard. It's what I do. It's what I've always done.

Oh well. Maybe I can get on with life now. Maybe I can focus my attentions on my family again.

Or maybe I can find someone else's attention. (My super secret fear)

1 comment:

Stinkypaw said...

If you've known all along that it is what you do and always done, why don't you do something else to correct it?

I'm not judging you, I'm trying to figure out what you really want out of this, beside being caught and some attention?

BTW, stop thinkning about what you should feel and just just be. Leave yourself alone. And also, stop pretending like you don't care. You do! The fact that you're thinking about not having remorse is some form of remorse.