Wednesday, December 20, 2006

History of J and I: Part 2

When I went away to college I don’t think anything was explicitly said about dating or not dating others while I was away. I think J and I both just expected that it would be okay to do so, and we did. I spent my freshman year at school dating various and sundry guys, generally no more than a date or two, nothing serious. Anytime I was at home on break J and I would see each other. There just kind of seemed to be this unspoken understanding that he and I were “together” even though we didn’t get to spend much time with one another and didn’t even really stay in contact much when I was away.

In the spring of my freshman year, things changed. I met Rob, and we started dating, and eventually he became the first guy I ever had sex with (see that story in this post). When I returned home at the end of the semester I went out with J. I told him that I had had sex with Rob and was concerned I might be pregnant because I was late. (This was the first of many scares I had during my college years over such things, but as it turns out my body doesn’t get pregnant, or never has anyway, so every scare was for naught.) I don’t remember J being very upset that I’d been with someone else, but he was quite concerned about the possibility of pregnancy. That would definitely be a bad thing for our relationship. Finally, my period arrived and I breathed a big sigh of relief. Then I returned to school for the summer session.

That summer I met a guy, let’s call him Chip, a year older than I who was just transferring to the university. Chip came from a small town not terribly far from my hometown. We talked a lot one evening in the dorm lounge. We started talking a lot more and soon we were dating. Chip was a virgin when we met, but he wasn’t for long. One weekend when his roommate was gone for the weekend, we spent the night together in Chip’s room. Chip was nervous, and it wasn’t the best sex we ever had, but it was the beginning of a relationship that lasted almost a year. I never told J about Chip or Chip about J. J was the at home boyfriend, and Chip was the at school boyfriend. Worked for me. Chip and I broke up the following summer after he tried to hit me. A friend of his intervened, or he probably would have hit me. I have a strict “one strike and you’re out policy” so that was the end of Chip and me as a couple.

My third year in college began with me not seeing anyone at school but still having J back home. Throughout my college years, J and I would see each other about once or twice a week when I was home from school, which wasn’t very much since I attended summer school as well as regular semesters. He and I both seemed comfortable with the amount of contact we had though. I don’t remember ever pining away for him while I was at school. Somehow I just had two different lives, the school life and the home life. I wonder now what my parents thought of me almost always having two boyfriends, one in each location.

Sometime during my third year in college, I met and started dating a guy I’ll call Kurt. Now, there was absolutely no reason for me to be dating Kurt. I dated him because I was lonely not because I had strong feelings for him. He hurt me early on when he told me that he would rather be dating another acquaintance of ours but that she wouldn’t give him the time of day because of his weight (he was quite heavy) so he had to settle for someone like me (I was a bit heavy myself, and lots heavier than the waif he really wanted). That comment hurt, really hurt big time. I don’t know if Kurt ever knew how much that remark hurt me because I just sucked it up and didn’t say a word. As time went by Kurt and I really did think we loved each other. He was another virgin that I deflowered. Kurt was the kind of guy who spent hours with his friends playing Dungeons and Dragons or Risk. I became kind of a groupie to them always hanging out watching them play. I eventually kind of became one of the gang, playing Risk whenever they played, and occasionally playing D&D with them. Kurt and I dated for the remainder of my college career even once he graduated with his BA in English and moved back home. I stayed on an extra semester because I was working on my Masters degree. I had gotten my BS in 3½ years, and then spent one more year to earn my MAS. He would come down for weekends, or I would go up to his parents’ house where he was living on weekends. We probably saw each other 2 or 3 weekends a month during that time. J was still the boyfriend back home. J and Kurt knew nothing of one another. At some point, I believe while I was in grad school, Kurt and I became engaged. He bought me a small but beautiful engagement ring which I wore proudly except when I went home on breaks at which time I would take it off and leave it in its little blue velvet box. While Kurt told his family we were engaged, I never shared that tidbit with my family or any of my friends back home, including J. Oh, and by the way, J and I still hadn’t done more than kissing and above the waist petting at this time. He was a very good Christian boy and wasn’t persuaded by any of my attempts at further intimacy.

But now that college was coming to an end how would I continue to live two separate lives? How would I handle my relationships with Kurt and J? How would all of this turn out now that I was embarking on a journey into real life? Stay tuned for Part 3 for the very wacky answers to those and other questions.


freebird said...

VERY interesting!

Anonymous said...

Look forward to reading more.

trueself said...

FB & FL,
Thanks for encouraging me to slog on with this. I'm really doing it mostly for myself, kind of trying to look at my past in order to learn something useful. However, it is nice to know that it is not boring my readers and sending them away in droves.
And speaking of learning something useful I realized as I've been writing this history that in some ways J is currently playing a sort of similar role in my life as he did back then. Hmmmm. . . . . . Something for me to think about.