Tuesday, November 18, 2008

All for Want of a Skillet

I had a set of four cast iron skillets. I have had three of them – tiny, small and medium – since I was in college and a boyfriend of mine bought them for me so I could play housewife and cook good stuff for him at his apartment. The fourth, a very large skillet, I bought at a yard sale some years ago. When W moved out he took the two smallest skillets, and I was okay with that. I rarely ever used those two. Now he wants the medium skillet which is my workhorse cast iron skillet. It’s the one in which I bake cornbread. It’s the one in which I do the bulk of the cast iron skillet cooking in my kitchen from sautéing to frying to making grilled cheese sandwiches. It is old, well used, and therefore well seasoned. Now he freakin’ wants it! Umm, no. Sorry.

There aren’t a lot of things I’ll fight for, but I’ve got a short list of things that are non-negotiable to me:

Our Illini season tickets
My two remaining cast iron skillets
My baby grand piano
My KitchenAid mixer
My wingback chair
I will get these few things in this divorce settlement.

How dare he? HOW_DARE_HE?!?!? How dare he encroach on my short list? WTF is he thinking? Out of a half dozen things that are truly important to me he wants two of them. I would have even bent on the Illini season tickets probably. However, when he goes after my cast iron skillet? Now them there’s fightin’ words bubba. I’ll whack him over the head with it before I’ll give it to him.

Oh, we were all so cooperative in this divorce thing until he found out that in our state he will be unable to avoid paying child support. Ever since then it has just been one nitpicky thing after another. Bastard. Petty bullshit. Petty bullshit that he knows will push my buttons. I have tried hard not to let on how much he is pushing my buttons, but I must say the volcano is getting close to eruption. Mighty close. . .

Grrr. . . . . yes, that IS steam you see coming from my ears.


Cocotte said...

You are right. It's not about the item, but about doing whatever to annoy you. A frying pan to the noggin sounds like an appropriate reaction!

Bunny said...

You are in the right on all counts here. I would fight for a well-used, well-seasoned cast iron pan too! And Spousehole knows to leave well-enough alone about my KitchenAid Stand Mixer.

I have never, ever understood people (men and women) who try to get out of paying child support. Hello? That's your kid! Do you think it would be any cheaper if he or she lived with you full time? Do you not think you should clothe, house, feed, and educate this person you brought into the world/agreed before God and a judge to love and care for just as if you brought him/her into the world? AAAAGH!!

Fusion said...

Tell him to go buy his own fucking skillet! Or you'll have to hit him on the side of his head with yours...

Or you could say sure W, you can have it as soon as I get half of that investment account to go buy a new one...

What a tool. It's probably Q that wants one, and he doesn't want to pony up the money to buy her a new one...

BJ said...

And very tasty cornbread I might add. Biscuits too. :)

I don't believe there's any state he can avoid paying child support. It's non-negotiable.

Val said...

Ugh, ugh, ugh... I feel your pain, darlin'!
Fortunately there weren't many material possessions we fought over; the standing joke for many years was that we could never divorce bcz of the potential custody fight over the critters...
Do your best to stick to the high ground, my dear - for N's sake as well as your own.

Serenity said...

I gotta come down on the other side and say... it's just stuff. Let it go if that's what it takes to get rid of him. Your mental health does not depend on a frying pan. Don't get hung up on the small stuff and forget about the biggest issue: freedom. A fresh start, including seasoning a new cast iron pan, is worth it.
I found the act of saying "take whatever you want" to my ex to be incredibly freeing, and almost Zen. Please don't let yourself get dragged down to W's level over... stuff.

Stinkypaw said...

Fight for your skillet! Even if it means using it to wack some sense into him!

Trueself said...

Cocotte - Clearly it is all about annoying me.
And we have vote #1 for skillet as weapon.

Bunny - I don't understand it either. Apparently, according to W, I was the one that wanted to adopt so I should be the one to pay for N's needs. It would've been nice if he hadn't acted like he wanted to adopt too back then if he didn't. I think he did, but is just trying some blame shifting here.

Fuse - Another vote for skillet as weapon! And with colorful language! Which I would no doubt use if I were to swing the skillet at his head.

BJ - I believe you are right on all counts, particularly the cornbread and biscuits. I bought more flour yesterday so we can have more.

Val - The high ground, yes, I'm trying to stay there though the footing slips occasionally.

Serenity - Ah, if only I could be as serene as you. Sorry, I'm choosing to fight over the stuff, not much of it but a few things to be sure. I just can't let myself be the pushover I too often am.

SP - And there's a third vote for skillet as weapon!

So here's the tally folks:
Three people are all for me whacking W upside the head with the skillet.
One more expressed support for fighting for a well-used, well-seasoned cast iron skillet.
One just appreciates what I make for him with the skillet.
One didn't really express a strong sentiment regarding the skillet itself though asking me to take the high ground probably disqualifies me from using it as weapon.
One wants me to go all zen over it and let it go.

Well, since this ain't no democracy but my own little dictatorship my decision stands. There will be no physical fight except in self-defense. However, to get that skillet he will have to pry it from my cold dead hands.

Trueself said...

Good gracious! My comment was longer than the original post!

2amsomewhere said...

I'm not sure in what parallel universe W lives to get the idea that he might be able to avoid paying child support.

My strategy in dealing with STBX has been to meet or exceed legal obligations with respect to the kids (pay state guidelines, cover their health insurance, etc.), limit my future liabilities to her, and let her have as many of the material possessions as she wanted because the things she wants I'm not tied to, and the things I do care about she'd rather just send to the landfill.

If she were to decide to contest things before we file, I'm pretty sure the judge would think she's delusional.


Trueself said...

2am - I think he's a bit delusional. I'm not quite sure why he is that way, but part of it has to do with him always thinking everyone is out to screw him over.