Monday, August 06, 2007

Weak or Not?

Is it a weakness to want a friend with me, someone who would back me up, when I tell W that it really is honest-to-goodness over?

I know I need to be strong and stand on my own two feet.

It isn't as though I think he would get violent. That just is not, and never has been, his style. I just feel like I'll back down. . . again. . . when he starts with all the reasons we should stay together.

Am I too hard on myself for thinking it's a weakness to need support? Or too easy on myself for trying to justify my not being able to do this by myself?

Then again, I don't have any friends in real life that I could ask to serve in that capacity so I guess it's really all a moot point anyway. Somehow I'm going to have to find a way to stand tall and do this all by myself.


So I just had flowers, a truly beautiful bouquet, delivered to me at the office. When the receptionist called to tell me I had them I was stunned. Who would've sent me flowers? It ain't my birthday or any other special occasion. Then I kind of chuckled to myself as I head to reception to pick them up wondering how many other people would have as many people as possibilities for having sent the flowers. Was it BJ or W or one of the women I met on Saturday that may have taken a fancy to me? I saw that my name as written on the outside of the envelope was my formal name, the name I don't use, so then my thought became "Why did my parents send me flowers?!?" I opened the card to find that the flowers were from . . .


Ugh. Of all the people that could have sent them, he was the last person in the world I wanted to receive flowers from. If they weren't so damned perfectly beautiful I'd throw them away, or give them to somebody else.


Al Laddin said...

BJ's with too!!

We're your "posse", Girl!

Anonymous said...

There is nothing wrong with needing someone there with you to help you along.

And Ughhhhh at the flowers..I think he knows you want out and he is trying to do all that in hopes that it will keep you from telling him - that much longer?

BJ said...

You're right, the flowers are beautiful. I'm with al baby. He's ma dog. Your peeps are awaiting their orders.

Serenity said...

Sorry, i gotta be devil's advocate again (it's only because i love the accessories...), but hon, you either do it alone or not at all. no one else is in that marriage with you, so don't muddy the waters by including someone whom W will interpret (correctly) as being a witness to his private pain.You CANNOT do this with backup.
If you cannot do this yourself, you are not ready. I am repeating myself. Your online peeps are here to back you up afterwards, though.

Karin's Korner said...

I wish someone could be with you when you finally tell W but I think it would be best to sit down and tell him alone, or maybe at dinner somewhere where there are people around but not sitting next to you.

And I agree UGGGGGGGG with the whole flower thing. I remember my X not only got flowers for me he delivered them to my work himself along with a stuffed animal, I wanted to PUKE!!! When I left that job, I left the stuffed animal on one of the girls desks....I soooooo did not want it.

Good luck my friend, I am with you 100% and I am thinking about you all the time, I know how hard it is.

John said...

Breaking up is a personal one-on-one thing. yes for doing it in public, if you think that might prevent a scene. But I can't imagine being on the other end when my girlfriend, let alone my wife, breaks up with me and brings reinforcements for her side.

Trueself said...

Al - I know you do. Thanks.

EC - I imagine you are right about his reason for sending the flowers.

BJ - See? That's why I can't just throw them out. Not to mention I'll be one paying for them anyway so I might as well enjoy them.

Serenity - Yeah, I've got to either step up and do it or just shut up about it.

Karin - Amazing how they think flowers will fix things. Guess they've watched too much old TV where wives were swayed by such things.

John - Oh I know I can't bring in my posse to back me up no matter how much I may want to do so. Gotta fish or cut bait here, and soon.