Tuesday, March 25, 2008

This is Hard

W will be moving out a week from today. I should be overjoyed. This is what I wanted. So why am I feeling so sad about all this? Why have I been flooded with tears and emotional outbursts? Guess you just don't throw away a 20+ year relationship easily.

At least my counselor is helping me get through it. She is so wonderful at understanding what I'm trying to say even when I struggle to put the words together. She can take my fragments and say back to me a perfectly coherent and insightful understanding of what it is I am thinking. She is even going to have an extra session with me this week. It sounds like W is not going to continue with her, but I need some support from somewhere. I feel a little lost and a little shell shocked by all of this. These emotions kind of sneaked up on me and took me by surprise. At least I've developed a little network of friends not to mention my online friends whom I appreciate more than you can imagine.

Anybody wanna come over and drink wine with me next Tuesday night as I alternately celebrate and mourn W moving out?


freebird said...

I can understand the confusion of feelings. I've often tried to imagine how I'd feel to wake up and find I'm on my own - even though you know it's what you want, it's a strange reality to face somehow.
Sounds like you've made a real 'find' with your counsellor. I'm sure she'll see you through this wonderfully.

The Silent Male said...

The trip is a bit further than I can make, but I'll be happy to drink a glass of wine and send some good thoughts your way.

Bunny said...

Spousehole will owe me a trip after leaving me alone with the children Thursday through Sunday. How far a drive are you from Grand Rapids?

Val said...

Babe, ya know I would be there in a heartbeat -- but TUESDAY NIGHT?!?
Wait a minute, you aren't shitting us, are ya? APRIL FOOL'S DAY!
There, you needed a laugh didn't ya?
But if A**hole doesn't cash that $938.44 check of mine, I could fly up weekend after next, heh heh!

bird1427 said...

Hi. I've been following your story. I don't know if you remember me but our situations are eerily similar. I remember that the week before M. finally moved out was absolutely horrible. There wasn't a place (either physically or emotionally) that was comfortable for me. Keep yourself busy. Keep yourself occupied. Good friends who will keep you amused and distracted (or just let you cry if you need to) are also very good. I promise you can get through this. You will get through this and life really will get better. And you will cry. But life is beginning again for you. Trust yourself.

Sixdegrees said...

I'll be thinking of you (and drinking) on Tuesday night. Just from a distance.

I agree that you don't just throw away a 20-year relationship as if it were a worn-out pair of socks. Take time to remember the good and the bad. But the end of this relationship does not mean that you are a failure.

And I do think that it is all for the best that W is moving out soon.

Trueself said...

FB - It is indeed a strange reality to face, but I'm probably more prepared to face it now than I ever have been before.

SM - Oh, c'mon. What's a cross country flight for a friend? Hmm?

Bunny - I was surprised to find you are only about four and a half hours away from me. Wouldn't you love to spend an afternoon driving down here, drowning our sorrows in wine, letting me cry on your shoulder, and returning home in a day or two?

Val - The very first thing I thought when he announced he was moving on April 1st was "Wow, April Fools Day, how appropriate."

Bird - I do indeed remember you. Thank you for your words. I know that you know what you are talking about, and I appreciate your support.

Six - That failure thing is one of the hardest for me to accept, but I know you are right.