Blue Monday

I learned something today. I learned that even though I am absolutely certain that divorce is the correct path for W and me that there is still grieving that I have to do over the loss of this marriage. I found myself crying as I was listening to:
Who Will Take Care Of Me
by Jon Secada

I had never really listened to the words before, or at least they didn't mean as much to me before me. I sat at my desk working, with the tears flowing, and realized that I really haven't grieved this loss. I spent so much time grieving the (temporary) loss of BJ that I never really grieved over this. Now, that isn't to say that people around me don't think I have grieved the marriage end. That is what they thought all my BJ grieving was divorce grieving. It was a good cover story at the time. Now they're probably thinking "So get over it already!" The reality is that I'm just starting to grieve. I imagine that the move towards W moving out has brought this over me. I'll get through it. I don't feel devastated by this, just sad. I'm just getting around to facing the sadness, but to get over it you have to move through it. So here I go, heading into it. Hopefully, it's going to be a short trip to the other side. In the meantime I think I'll set that Jon Secada CD up on a shelf.