Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Still Breaking the News

So W and I still talk to our counselor, but now we talk to her separately. He deals with whatever with her that he feels is needed, and I do the same. We don't share with one another what is said in our separate counseling sessions. I am feeling so much stronger, and the counselor has said that she can tell that I am stronger than I was when she first met me over a year ago.

In counseling tonight, I have no idea what issues W may have talked about, but I dealt with having to tell my parents about the impending divorce. I am not looking forward to telling them because I know they will think that I should suck it up and stay in the marriage. They will base that opinion on their religious belief that once you are married you are obligated to stay married whether the marriage was a mistake or not. My parents have learned over the years to tolerate one another. They do not claim to love one another. They are big on honoring obligations. They married some 48 years ago obligating themselves to spend their lives together so they have. They have found ways to work around each other. It is sad. It is an example, but the example it sets for me is one of how I do not want to spend the rest of my life. I do not want to simply exist with someone I can learn to tolerate when I have to and ignore when I can. So next week I will be telling Mom and Dad that my marriage is over. If I don't tell them, it will become obvious as N and I arrive for a visit without W and me no longer wearing my wedding ring. I hope to get the courage to tell them on the phone this weekend before next week's visit, but if the courage isn't there I will tell them face to face once I arrive on their doorstep for a short visit next Thursday. It will be better to tell them on the phone prior to the visit for then I can do it without N present. It will also allow time for the news to sink in before they see me.

Once my parents have been told, I will have the hardest parts of the newsbreaking completed. First was W, then N, now my parents. Those were the only people that it was/is hard for me to tell. With everyone else, from friends to coworkers, it hasn't been too hard. As a matter of fact, I often smile when I tell people because to me it is a happy thing more than a sad thing. The divorce is more of a relief of a burden than a burden itself. Not that it has been a piece of cake, but I'm getting to the place where the good is more and more outweighing the bad.


Bunny said...

I completely understand what you mean about the divorce being a release from a burden. A lot of my clients seemed to feel that way. It is sad to let go of something for which you had such high hopes, but a relief that you won't have to keep trying to make it something that it will never be.

Hugs - I hope you parents are more understanding than you expect.

freebird said...

Oh yes, this is something I dread, telling the family. The fall-out doesn't bear thinking about.
I hope yours will understand that it's your life, your happiness that's at stake.

Trueself said...

Bunny - I hope my parents take it better than I'm expecting too. However, judging from past behavior on their part I can't count on it.

FB - Family is by far the hardest to share with. However, I will do what I can to see it through my eyes. As if that will ever work. . .

Fiona said...

How odd, my post didn't 'take'.

I just wanted to wish you well TS with all that is ahead.

On thing I've noticed with families and dealing with divorce is that quite often, there is a sense of relief. While they may not have said anything during the marriage, they knew things weren't right. I've known more than a few people whose families surprised them by being glad things had come to a head and changes were being made because they were of the sadness inside the relationship.

I hope your parents give you the understanding you deserve.

Trueself said...

Fiona - I have wondered if my parents will be somewhat relieved. I don't believe they really approve of the way W treats me or N, and perhaps they've said nothing trying not to interfere. I hope that is the case rather than the one I'm afraid of.