Monday, March 31, 2008

Anyone Seen My Brain?

My brain is just not working these days. Shut down. Shut off. It is an odd sort of a shell shocked feeling I think. I am right now overwhelmed by the emotions brought on by W moving out tomorrow. I know that just because he moves it isn't that we won't ever speak or see each other again because we have N between us. We will always have that connection, and we will always have to have some level of interaction. It isn't the same though. It is so different. Of course, it is already so different, even without him moving out. We don't ever touch one another. We don't see one another unclothed anymore. We are very careful to keep doors closed and knock before entering. We barely speak to one another. I no longer wear my wedding ring although he continues to wear his. That one fact speaks volumes about the difference in how he and I feel. Part of me feels guilty because I know that I have made W exceedingly unhappy by pushing this divorce on him, and yet there is still that part of me that rejoices at the impending freedom headed my way.

Sigh. . . . . . . . . . .

3 comments:

freebird said...

So it's really happening!
You must have such mixed feelings just now, but it sounds like you're ready to be a new person very soon. I can only send you every good wish for a smooth transition and a very happy future. Sending hugs of support from across the pond!

Stinkypaw said...

Hang in there, you'll get thru this!

Bunny said...

All those feelings are perfectly normal. Hugs, sweetie!