Sunday, September 03, 2006

Adding Z to the List

There is one new person to be added to the Who's Who list in the sidebar, who will go by the letter Z.

I chose Z for this person because he brings to my life lots of Z kind of feelings -- Zest, Zing, Zip. Also, his name isn't Zach or Zeb or Zeus or any other name starting with Z so it helps keep him anonymous.

I have spoken of him before here as my sort of pseudo relationship. I still don't understand what the relationship is that we have, but now I'm sure there definitely is one. Oh yes, it is there alright. It is there, and Z and I are both powerless to resist it. Yet, what is it? I don't know, but I think I'm going to find out eventually. I really do, in spite of various hurdles that must be crossed in order to do so. And you know, maybe it really is nothing, nothing but fantasy. But that's okay too. Everybody needs a little fantasy now and then, and even fantasy isn't nothing. Fantasy can be that thing that sustains us as we travel through our ordinary day to day humdrum lives. And certainly right now Z serves that purpose very well. Thoughts of Z flit through my mind on a daily basis, and they sustain me.

I know I will speak of Z in this blog, but I don't know how much. The reason being that he is different from anyone else mentioned here. He is not only aware of this blog, but I know that he reads this blog regularly. That in and of itself makes him dangerous to me because he not only knows the me that I allow to be seen publicly he knows the real me, the me that I don't allow real people in my real life to know. And the only kinds of things I'll ever share here about either him or my thoughts about him are the kind of things I'm comfortable with him reading. So that makes him very different from anyone else ever mentioned in this blog. It also means that in spite of knowing the real me, the one with the deep dark thoughts, he is still attracted to me in some way. Weird, ain't it?

4 comments:

freebird said...

Oooooh, very enigmatic, Trueself! Do you mean that you actually know each other in face-to-face non-blog life?

trueself said...

Well, freebird, as of today we actually know each other via telephone following a >1 hour call. And if all goes as planned in a few weeks we shall know one another face-to-face. Prior to today we only knew each other through cyberspace: blogs, emails, IMs. . .

Emily said...

Very, very interesting. But very, very dangerous, too, when discretion is of the essence.

trueself said...

Emily,
When you first posted your comment I thought you were wrong about the dangerous part. Now, I'm starting to think you may just be right.