Everything is kind of on hold for a week because my period arrived this morning.
So S and I are still going to get together, but we both know what won't be happening today. He is disappointed. So am I, maybe. Anyway, it gives me time to get to know him better before jumping in with both feet.
Still considering the "test drive" both of them theory, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. As skanky as I've been acting lately I still struggle with that good girl inside who doesn't feel good about having multiple affairs at the same time, even on a short term basis. Okay, maybe I shouldn't feel good about having even one affair at a time, but I've kind of come to terms with that. Just having a hard time with the doing it once or twice with each and then picking one. Don't know why it feels so different to me but it does. Maybe because it seems kind of cold and calculating. Also because I hate to have to tell someone I've slept with "Sorry, but I've decided not to pick you." No matter how you phrase that, it comes across as "You aren't good enough." I hate that.
Well, that last paragraph is full of sentence fragments, but I'm not going back and changing it even though it is bugging me. Yes, the perfectionist in me is worrying about grammar and sentence structure. It keeps me from worrying about bigger things.
EDIT (and probably TMI for the male readers)
Went back and checked the calendar. This cycle was only 25 days, and it seems like my cycles have been getting shorter over the last couple of years. It used to be I could count on 31-34 days between periods. Now I'm down to 25. If my cycles keep on shortening eventually I'll just have one constant period. Now if that isn't a depressing thought, I don't know what is.
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3 comments:
I know it's hard rejecting someone, whatever the relationship. But we can't stay with them if it's truly not for us. This is true whether it's an affair or a marriage.
Don't worry about grammar here. I don't polish my stuff. It's a stream of consciousness type of thing, writing down whatever flows out at the time.
I have no idea what would make your cycles shorter. Then again having period sex would be a new experience for me, although that precludes the woman from receiving oral. I know women whose sex drive is in high gear at that time. Sounds kinda cool in a way. :)
This definitely does sound very calculating. I always thought affairs happened through natural attraction, not such hard work! I know mine did ;-)
Good luck in deciding which to pursue.
BJ,
Yeah, no receiving oral for me during my period, but I'll do anything else. It's good, very slippery, very messy, but there are ways of dealing with it. And shoot, my sex drive is high all the time, doesn't matter what time of my cycle.
John,
I think what makes this affair so different is because I'm specifically seeking out people with whom I can be just physical, not emotional. That's what makes it hard work -- seeking it out rather than just letting it happen, and looking for somebody where there is a natural physical attraction, but preferably not an emotional one, while searching for a long term affair rather than a quick fling. It is actually harder than I had thought it might be at first.
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