Through the Eye and Back to the Storm

Just trying to figure things out here. Trying to make sense out of utter confusion.

W - still clueless, still happy, sometimes it pisses me off to see how happy he is because I'm so unhappy, sometimes I just want to scream at him to get his attention, but we've been there, done that, over and over and over; i'm tired, worn out, feel like I have to stay but don't want to be here, the remnants of love are just that, remnants; don't think I could survive the guilt if I left him now; don't like feeling like I'm sitting on hold waiting for him to die someday

S - wow, love being with him when I'm with him, love how he makes me feel, but still not completely comfortable with him somehow

L - remind me why I'm having lunch with him this Friday? oh yeah, maybe there is a connection here, right, maybe, feels a little too vanilla, but safe, maybe too safe?

Z - he's the flame, and I'm the moth; I think I'm getting dangerously close to getting burned, "if it seems too good to be true it generally is" probably applies here, probably need to slow myself down here