Monday, September 11, 2006

How the World Can Change in the Blink of an Eye

This will come as no surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog for some time, but I tend to be a bit confused when it comes to relationships. So when I first received J's email yesterday I was thrown for a loop. Then I discussed the whole situation at length with Z because I had to know where he stood, how he felt, what he wants.

And now I know.

So on today's agenda: dump J for the final time (already did that via email this morning), dump S & L because I no longer need them, affirm to Z my feelings for him.

Boy, every time I think the roller coaster is slowing down, we hit another curve and head a whole new direction. At least I am no longer alone on the ride, but taking it together with someone I care about very deeply.

EDIT:
To read Z's take on our relationship Click Here
And, yes, by clicking on the link you will find out the identity, at least in the blogosphere, of Z.

7 comments:

Rae'sSecret said...

Good lord girlie, makes a little giddy though huh? It's nice to be wanted.

Pink said...

Good Girl! That would have been my first thought.

spinningmia said...

Z will never, ever let you down. He's the real deal.

trueself said...

rae,
yes, nice to be wanted especially by Z who is a very down-to-earth real guy

pink,
yes, J has a history with me leading me not to completely trust his turnaround.

mia,
thanks, i thought so but it's good to get confirmation

New Girl said...

Just to add a different thought. . .I have only been reading for a month or so, but this though popped into my head:

You dumped J once and really regretted it. Are you sure that won't happen again? Opportunity rarely knocks twice and when it does. . .it probably means something. . . .

Emily said...

Am I being a comlete killjoy and an unsupportive and sanctimonious pain in the arse if I say I feel pretty sad about this turn of events?

This is going to turn into a serious, emotional affair, which is very difficult to hide and is probably going to bust up your little family into pieces.

I know what it was like to despair about my sex life and feel my future as a carer for a sick man closing in on me. I know what it was like to feel that rage against my partner for being so damned oblivious. I know what it was like to feel desperate for escape, and to feel the excitement, the euphoria of a man I liked and felt I could love being seriously interested in you. And I pursued it myself. So, you know, don't think that I am judging you.

But I also know what it was like to see the pain in the eyes of my partner when he found out. I know what it was like to feel the shame of becoming a person whose big response to the serious illness of the man I had committed myself to was to cheat on him and lie to him.

And I would never want to see that kind of pain in my child's eyes.

I just feel sad because I feel like I know how this is going to come out.

I wish you well, I truly do. But I don't know what else to say.

trueself said...

new girl,
I appreciate your point of view, but you really don't have the whole picture. There are a lot of really good reasons not to be with J. There is only one reason to be with him, a love that is a leftover from 20 years ago for a boy that existed 20 years ago. The man he has become is not the boy he was. Once I took off the rose colored glasses, I could see clearly that he would not be good for me.

Emily,
I appreciate your concern, and I agree that this is going to be difficult on N for sure. I will do what I can to make the split as easy on him as possible, but I do believe at this point that it is inevitable that W and I will split up. I know that makes me a horrible person, to leave a man in his twilight years to deal with dwindling health on his own. But it is also not good that my resentment grows daily, and I am not a very nice person to be around right now, at least not for W, and not for N either as he unfortunately catches the fallout.