Saturday, April 05, 2008

Saturday - Not Quite What I Expected

I was sitting enjoying a late morning cup of coffee when the phone rang. It was W, calling from his cellphone. He told me he was in the garage, and that his head was bleeding because N hit him with a board. "On purpose?" I asked. "Yes," he said, "Please help me."

I went out to the garage. W was there amidst the boxes of trash junk treasures out there. His forehead was bleeding profusely as all head wounds generally do. N showed up crying hysterically holding bandages and repeating "I didn't mean to" through his tears. W was furious and not willing to back down on his accusation that N hit him deliberately. N went crying into the house. I got W into the bathroom, cleaned off the blood so that I could see there is a bump on his forehead with a small cut. I put a bandage on it and gave him a hug. He didn't hug back at all, but he also didn't pull away.

Then I went and looked for N. He was upstairs in his room with the door locked. I knocked and asked if I could come in. He said yes so I unlocked the door and entered to find him curled up in a little alcove in his room. I asked to come out and talk to me, and he declined. I sat on one of the beds and told him I'd be there if he wanted to talk. He came out of the alcove and slowly walked towards the door, saying "Then I'll just go to another room." I repeated that I'd be there if he wanted to talk. In a little while he came back in and sat on the floor by the bed. We talked. I would not let him off the hook with his original line of not remembering anything that happened. Eventually, I got the story from him. I won't share the entire story here, but he did sort of accept responsibility for his actions. I took him downstairs and tried to get him to apologize to W. Eventually I gave up because N was trying to give half-assed apologies and W was refusing to accept them. My counselor constantly tells me that I've got to stay out of the middle of their difficulties so I told them they'd have to work it out, and I walked away.

At this point I have no idea where either of them are. It's W's weekend to have N so I really am trying to stay out of it.

Where is Supernanny when you need her?

8 comments:

kimba said...

crumbs!
sounds like you managed it well True..

Stinkypaw said...

Must not be an easy thing to stay out of it, but you did well.

The Silent Male said...

Can I just be a little bad and say it sounds like N is winning this battle?

Can I? Can I? Please?

Drama said...

OH man...I'm so sorry for this but it sounds like you did a good job. Hang in there, girlfriend. Freedom is coming.

Val said...

!!!!!Damn, I am sorry to hear of their conflict(s)...
Hope they managed to work it out between themselves [thus spake the pot to the kettle; I dunno how I'm going to reintroduce MY warriors].

Bunny said...

Yipes! What are they going to do when W has his own place and you aren't there to referee?

Nancy said...

I'm with bunny . . . are you sure they can be unsupervised? Obviously W is as immature as N has a right to be . . . because if he were a mature person, he'd have (1) not done something to make N want to hit him (assuming it was on purpose) or (2) not made N feel guilty about an accident. It seems as though you care more about them having a good father-son relationship than W does. I think you're going to see N drift more and more toward spending no time at all with W. And once he starts the "I don't want to go to W's this weekend" make sure you listen to him. I don't think you can force the relationship. You know his desire to not go will not be because he doesn't like the rules or because W makes him do his homework--it'll be because of the way he feels when he's around him.

Trueself said...

Kimba - Thanks.

SP - It is virtually impossible for me to stay out of it. That's one reason I took myself to a matinée and early dinner just to force myself to stay out of it.

SM - I count on you to be bad darlin'. Not only that, I think you are right.

Drama - I'm amazed how many of the commenters think I did the right thing by stepping back. I was sure I'd be bombarded by people telling me what an awful parent I am.

Val - Yes, it is a bit of a parallel situation though I will give W credit that at no time did he become at all physical with N. If he had I'd have been in the attorney's office today expediting the custody matters.

Bunny - According to the counselor they will be better off because they won't be able to fall back on me as referee. We'll see. . .

Nancy - See answer to Bunny. And yes, having W around is like having a second child.