Monday, April 28, 2008

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You

Okay people, the hiatus is nearly over. A prolific blogger cannot step away from the blog for long although I will say that it was good to give myself a few days to think some things through.

I got caught short last week during a discussion with BJ. I will not share the particulars, but he and I differ on how much of our relationship should be “out there” in the blog world. I will also say that he has left the entire decision to me in regard to what I want to do with this blog. It was my choice to put it on hiatus while I thought through the situation and decided what my personal guidelines for my blog should be.

Let me be the first to say that I overreacted to our discussion. I made it a much bigger issue than he did. My gut reaction was one of hurt and anger. My fear factor went into overdrive. “Another person trying to control me!” it screamed. “I’ll lose him!” it cried. “Life is unbearable!” it moaned. My fear factor gets in the way a lot. Yet, if I had stopped to really listen to him, and indeed when I finally did stop to listen to him I realized I had overreacted and that he was, in fact, not trying to control me nor was I about to lose him and certainly life wasn’t unbearable unless I made it that way.

I understand his feelings on the blog and relationship to some extent and certainly respect his feelings. However, I also feel that my blog is my blog. While I do self-censor (as I think anyone would) to share what I’m comfortable sharing, I have not in the past censored for anyone else’s comfort. What I have done is warn at the beginning of a post when it is explicit so that readers can choose for themselves if they are comfortable reading that type of post. What I have also done, particularly for BJ, is to use a “write and discuss” approach. If I thought a post might take him by surprise after writing it I would warn him that it was there and offer to talk about what was in it so that we were on the same page with one another. In other words, I’ve tried not to use callous disregard when posting yet still maintained my personal integrity by posting my personal truth.

Deleting the blog altogether was never really an option to me (did I mention I overreacted?) although I did consider taking it completely private and using it just as my own personal diary and giving no one else access to it. While this option would allow me to write with absolute candor it would not really serve the purpose that I, as the author of this blog, intend for it. I have always appreciated the feedback aspect of blogging. Even though I don’t have a lot of people leaving comments some do, and I appreciate each and every one of them. I most of all appreciate the ones that challenge my viewpoint and help me see things from another side. It is so easy to become entrenched in one way of thinking about things. I try, rather than to get defensive from differing viewpoints, to learn something from them, to at least try on that way of looking at things to see if looking from another perspective can bring me new insight and perhaps even change my mind on things. Doing it through the written word often (not always) allows me the time to work through the overreaction prior to responding as opposed to conversations where I can sometimes lose my way (like I did last week).

I could, of course, take the blog private and invite just a certain circle of friends to have access to it. The reason that option does not appeal to me is that even though it is comforting to just have my little circle of friends as readers of the blog, I like having new people find my blog and comment on it. I like the new and fresh perspective someone brings when they haven’t been reading my blog long as an adjunct to those familiar and comforting friends.

In the end, there are too many positive things that I enjoy from my blog just the way it is to make any significant changes to it. I will be back soon. I’m not sure exactly when, but soon, and rest assured that any changes you may see over time will only be those that reflect who I am and my comfort level with things.


My said...

TS, I have been lurking and reading your blog for awhile .. following you through on your journey called life. I have never left a comment until now, but I do hope that you choose to keep your blog open. So many times I stumble upon blogs that captivate me and drag me only to have them become private or closed all together and it's always such a sense of loss. So, even though you never hear from me ... know that there are people out there like me who enjoy reading your thoughts. I am in a very similar situation as you and I enjoy seeing someone on a similar journey as myself. Anyway, I've rambled on long enough ... perhaps I'll start commenting more regularly! Regardless TS, remain true to who YOU are. Do what YOU want to do. Follow your intuition, that gut instinct. You'll never be wrong if you do that.

Jeni Angel said...

1st I will acknowledge that it's really none of my business.

2nd I will say that I don't know the whole story.

And having said that, I think it's a tad . . .ridiculous that BJ may or may not like anything you write here. Didn't you guys meet because of your blogs? So it was all OK to write whatever you want-and for him to enjoy it-when you weren't involved, but now he feels he has a say in what you write?

It's for this exact reason my boyfriend is on a strict read-only policy with my blog. I don't care if he likes or doesn't like what I write and I am not interested in his opinion.

Again-since I know only a fraction of the story (and made up the rest in my head), you can take it for what it's worth.

I, for one, will be really sad if I didn't have you in the blog world.

kimba said...

Heya True.. I think you will find your balance with it - you will find there are personal things that you just don't want to share.. some censorship is an option.. But no need to get ridiculous.. x

Val said...

Well put (technical difficulties kept me from commenting earlier, aaaarrrrgggghhh!) -- it's funny, after MY little scare a few mos ago (when I thought my ex had found my blog), I've become more prolific than ever! Don't know why it's so damn important to us, but it is...

freebird said...

Hey, I just knew you wouldn't be able to stay away for long! And I'm so glad to see I was right.
Having taken the step to go private, I agree with all you say about comments. Much as I love my 'regulars', I do so miss the opportunity to hear new points of view, but sadly I just felt I had no choice. As long as you feel you have the choice, TS, I'm sure you'll be happier keeping things just the way they are. And I, for one, would love you to.

Jaded Bunny said...

You cannot be serious.

All that cloak and dagger crap because of that?

It sounded like something really horrific had happened. I was actually a tiny bit concerned... Cold callous jaded little bunny. Stupid me for taking the bait.

It was just another attention getting antic. Dramatics. The usual.

And really... it's just another man controlling another weak willed woman.

And we applauded you for finally getting out of that horrid situation with W.

This whole thing with BJ is a disaster waiting to happen.

Good luck to you both.

I am all done here.

John said...

I'm glad you came back. The way you communicated how bad the "thing" was, I assumed something bad must have happened to N; it was all I could come up with, and so I was quite worried. Glad you seem to be resolving your differences with BJ. but please, next time, a little less "disaster" in the message?

Uhave said...

True, I'm glad you're back. No opinion on the BJ're a big girl and can take care of yourself. I'm just glad you allow us in the most intimate and private parts of your life. That takes guts.

Summer said...

Glad you're back but I too thought something drastic had happened.

Anonymous said...

I'll agree with the others that I would hate to see you close up the blog and make it private or stop writing all together. I know a little more about your situation as a whole than some of the commentors and I just wanted to tell the Jaded Bunny that she has no idea what she is talking about. What you have with BJ is stronger and more real than she realizes. For her to describe it as being another man controlling a weak willed woman is just her trying to get you mad at her so she can have some excitement in her life.

BJ said...

Jaded Bunny you have no idea what's going on here. What is the color of the sky in your world? I think your anger is coloring your judgment. Lay off.

Trueself said...

Oh my. So many comments. I'll try to respond to each and every one.

My - Always nice to learn about another reader. Please feel free to comment anytime.

Jeni - Glad you acknowledge you don't know the full story. If you knew the whole thing I think you'd see it differently.

Kimba - No need to get ridiculous? Oh c'mon. Can't I get just a little ridiculous every now and then? ;-)

Val - Thanks for understanding.

FB - I'm sorry that you felt you had to go private, but I certainly understand some of the feelings that can lead to it. Everybody has to make their own choice about these things.

JB - Yes, I can be serious. My blog, my overreaction, my stupidity. It's all me and all here. Sorry I don't live up to your standards.

John - Overreaction and melodrama is a part of who I am, not the part I'm most proud of but part of nevertheless. Yes, I'm trying to grow up a bit and be less melodramatic. I'm a work in progress.

Uhave - Thank you.

Summer - Well, it felt drastic to me at the time. There's a bit more to the story than I've shared here (self-censorship and all) so nobody really has the full story.

Mia - Thanks for your support.

BJ - Thanks sweetie, but JB just comes at things a little differently than most. Believe it or not, I believe she means well.

Jaded Bunny said...

I usually don't address other commentors as my comments are left for the blogger.

But I will go ahead a do a little post over at my place because I don't drag my trash out into the street like some of ya'll that insist on using the comment forum to pick fights and such.

C'mon. What did I say that was so wrong?

Get over it.

I am moving on.

After my post of course.

No holds barred, in true Jaded Bunny form.

Trueself said...

JB - Mia's comment was not anywhere close to as rude as the shitstorm you've whipped up in reaction to it. You ask what did you say that was so wrong. Well, I could ask the same about what Mia said. If you will note, Mia was addressing me, the blog writer, in the comment and simply trying to be a friend to me. For her to say that you aren't aware of the full situation and indicating that her take is that you were using the attack to get me riled up seems no more provocative to me than your original comment. I hope that people will not head over to your blog to continue bashing a very dear friend of mine.

Mia - Please do not take all of this too seriously. You know that I know what a marvelous person you are and so do those people who matter to you. Luv ya'

Jaded Bunny said...

The offensive part?

"Trying to get you mad at her so she can have some excitement in her life."

So wrong.

I am not the one searching for excitement.

I am not the one.

I know you get me TS.

Trueself said...

JB - Granted, I do not think your original comment was seeking excitement. I do think, however, that you've carried the retaliation against Mia much too far.

I try to get you, JB, I really do. Sometimes I think I do. Other times, not so much.