Introspection

It is human nature, I believe, to want to give our opinions and our advice. I know I do. I'm quite the expert at looking in at others' situations and seeing clearly what they ought to be doing, where they are making their mistakes, how they could change things for the better. Yet it is also human nature, I believe, to bristle at having others give advice and share their opinions on our own situations. We would like to believe that we are making the best decisions and choices that we can given our circumstances, whatever they may be. We seek validation of that belief. We shun criticism of that belief. We humans are quite the independent, yet interdependent, creatures.

I see this played out in the blogosphere all the time, both in my own blog and in others. We post our thoughts, our struggles, our victories, our defeats. We often post the worst thoughts in our heads as a way of dealing with them and examining them. We often claim that these blogs are here just for ourselves, that the fact that others read and comment is superfluous to us. Bullshit!! They may start that way, but I daresay we wouldn't be putting it out there in public space if we didn't have some desire for feedback, some desire for validation and sympathy and comradarie. For the most part, what we aren't looking for is the criticism that often comes. For while there are those who will understand our point of view, even agree with our point of view, there will always be others with opposing opinions, or those who will give voice to something that our own conscience has been struggling with that we've tried to suppress. Those folks hit a button with us, make us uncomfortable, defensive or downright angry. How dare they tweak our conscience when we are working so hard to make ourselves feel good about our choices? Well, why shouldn't they? Why shouldn't they respond to posts in a public format, posts made with the option available for others to comment? So there is the conundrum my friends. We seek out the approval and validation of others, we are stung when what we get instead is critism particularly when we feel the criticism is valid, and we struggle with how to balance the acceptance of both validation and criticism. We struggle with how to defend our point of view without becoming defensive. We struggle with whether to retreat and lick our wounds or continue to bare our souls in a public (if anonymous) forum.

The internet has changed the world in many ways. One of those ways is that we can communicate across the world with people we don't know except through the words on the screen. We let our guard down for these people don't know us, and we don't know them. We feel safe saying what's on our mind. Yet, communities start to develop even here in cyberspace. The more we share with one another, the more we get to know one another, developing friendships with those that are nothing more than a name and description to us. And the next thing you know, it matters what others think of what we say. It matters to us what opinions others have of us, particularly if we have come to feel some sort of closeness to certain individuals. I find this is particularly true for me. There are individuals who I've come to respect a great deal although I've never met them and probably never will. Although the critism of strangers has little effect on me, the criticism of those who I've come to respect hurts mightily, perhaps more than it should.

So what is the point of this rant? I don't know. Just to rant I guess. Just to let off some steam. Just to remind myself that I'm the one that chooses to post in this blog, and to remind myself that it is okay that not everyone is going to approve of the decisions I make. Just to remind myself that the opinions of faceless cyber friends shouldn't override my own judgment. Just to help me get over feeling so defensive so much of the time when I'm reading the comments left here. Just to affirm to myself that my feelings and opinions and choices are just as valid and valuable as anyone else's and that I owe nobody who comments here any apologies for any of them. Just as another step towards really feeling like I can make my own decisions and stand behind them, and stand up for them, and be confident in my own abilities to make the choices that are best for me. Just to affirm that it is okay for my opinions and decisions to be different than those of others and that I can choose to respect differences rather than try to eliminate them.

So after all that, comments anyone?