Thursday, July 20, 2006

New Attitude

Yep, I feel like I'm developing a new attitude. The last few months I have felt so strongly, so desperately, so intensely my desire for J. That is lessening. I'm becoming disillusioned. I'm realizing that he probably isn't a good long-term match for me. I'm also realizing that he and I don't have to be lovers to stay friends and to stay in touch with each other. Sex isn't the only thing we have together. So now I no longer sign on to email hoping to see that he has sent me something. I no longer hope every time my cell phone rings to see his name on the display. I would still like to continue our affair, but I don't feel that I would be devastated if we don't. I don't feel the strong need to contact him when I haven't heard from him in a while. I can wait (not sure how long, but so far I'm content without hearing from him).

This is definitely a new attitude. Healthier? Don't know, but it certainly has helped me to calm down and make me feel less desperate.

Of course, I don't know if this new attitude will continue with the next "Can we hook up?" email from J. Although they aren't the first thing I look for in my inbox anymore, an email from J definitely gets my heart pumping. I definitely still feel vulnerable to him and am pretty sure I would agree to another meeting if he requested it. And who knows what kind of attitude shift would follow from that?

1 comment:

Stinkypaw said...

If you think that you're calmer and less desperate, that's a step.

Take it as it comes, don't anticipate (or pre-program) your reations. Let things happen first.