Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sunday's Conversation

J finally called me this afternoon. I was taking a nap when he called, and I didn't catch my cell phone until it already went to voicemail. As I expected he has no interest in participating in the offer I received earlier in the week. I called him back as soon as I listened to his message, and I tried really hard to talk him into it, but there was no way he was going to see things my way.

So we talked about how things are going between T and him. I tried to help him a little by giving him some suggestions on what he could do differently that might make things better between them. She had asked him today what he could give her that anybody else couldn't. His answer: "Uh, I don't know. I'll have to get back to you on that." Idiot! Can't he see that she's trying to give him an opening to get back in, and he just blew it? So I said as much to him. I told him he should have told her that what he could give her is his undying love, his devotion to her for the rest of his life. I also told him that whether he told her who was involved or not, he should tell her that he had a woman practically throwing herself at him, and that he has consistently told her that getting back with T is his highest priority. Of course, I told him not to mention all that we've done together the last couple of months, but emphasize that he has refused to give up on T in spite of the fact that someone else is interested in him.

I also told him that one of the problems he has with women is that he keeps a part of himself closed off. He works hard at not letting women know how much he cares about them. I told him that he was that way when he and I dated over 20 years ago, and that it made it a whole lot easier for me to leave him at that time because I truly didn't believe he cared that much about me. I also told him that I don't think he cares much about me now either but is just playing me so that I continue to hook up with him on occasion. Then I said that chances are that T doesn't realize how much he loves her because he probably keeps part of him closed off from her too. He was quiet for a really long time, so long that I wondered if I had pissed him off badly enough that he was going to hang up on me. He didn't though. He finally took a deep breath and told me that he didn't know what to say to that. He then added that he really does care about me. Also, he said he keeps part of him closed off to try to protect himself from getting hurt which I had pretty much figured out anyway. I told him that strategy just guarantees that he is going to get hurt, and that he is probably hurting way more now than if he would just open up and let T, or me, in to that closed off place.

We chatted a bit more about his kids recent visit with him, and how W and I seem to be getting along better lately. Finally, I told him I had to go.

So there we are. I guess I'm just playing best friend to J for now. Well, we'll see how long it takes before he contacts me again saying he can't stay away from me. I'm betting about two weeks, but maybe not. Maybe he will actually take some of my advice and win T over again. Only time will tell.

3 comments:

Stinkypaw said...

Are you hoping for that, so that YOU won't have to make the definite move and really stop seeing him?

Your advices to J about his relationship are good, why can't you apply the same "logic" to your own relationship? Wondering here...

trueself said...

God you are good, always asking the pertinent questions.
Are you hoping for that, so that YOU won't have to make the definite move and really stop seeing him?
I'm torn so I suppose so. I do see it as the one way that we're going to make all this madness stop. I so very much don't want to be the one to have to make that decision/move.

Your advices to J about his relationship are good, why can't you apply the same "logic" to your own relationship?
Yeah, I'm much clearer when it comes to other people than I am about myself.

Stinkypaw said...

Could it be time for you to assume some responsibility or even better, to put you foot down and move on?

You choose to believe that about yourself, trust your ability a little more and maybe you'll realise that you have it in you...