This will come as no surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog for some time, but I tend to be a bit confused when it comes to relationships. So when I first received J's email yesterday I was thrown for a loop. Then I discussed the whole situation at length with Z because I had to know where he stood, how he felt, what he wants.
And now I know.
So on today's agenda: dump J for the final time (already did that via email this morning), dump S & L because I no longer need them, affirm to Z my feelings for him.
Boy, every time I think the roller coaster is slowing down, we hit another curve and head a whole new direction. At least I am no longer alone on the ride, but taking it together with someone I care about very deeply.
EDIT:
To read Z's take on our relationship Click Here
And, yes, by clicking on the link you will find out the identity, at least in the blogosphere, of Z.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
6 comments:
Good lord girlie, makes a little giddy though huh? It's nice to be wanted.
Z will never, ever let you down. He's the real deal.
rae,
yes, nice to be wanted especially by Z who is a very down-to-earth real guy
pink,
yes, J has a history with me leading me not to completely trust his turnaround.
mia,
thanks, i thought so but it's good to get confirmation
Just to add a different thought. . .I have only been reading for a month or so, but this though popped into my head:
You dumped J once and really regretted it. Are you sure that won't happen again? Opportunity rarely knocks twice and when it does. . .it probably means something. . . .
Am I being a comlete killjoy and an unsupportive and sanctimonious pain in the arse if I say I feel pretty sad about this turn of events?
This is going to turn into a serious, emotional affair, which is very difficult to hide and is probably going to bust up your little family into pieces.
I know what it was like to despair about my sex life and feel my future as a carer for a sick man closing in on me. I know what it was like to feel that rage against my partner for being so damned oblivious. I know what it was like to feel desperate for escape, and to feel the excitement, the euphoria of a man I liked and felt I could love being seriously interested in you. And I pursued it myself. So, you know, don't think that I am judging you.
But I also know what it was like to see the pain in the eyes of my partner when he found out. I know what it was like to feel the shame of becoming a person whose big response to the serious illness of the man I had committed myself to was to cheat on him and lie to him.
And I would never want to see that kind of pain in my child's eyes.
I just feel sad because I feel like I know how this is going to come out.
I wish you well, I truly do. But I don't know what else to say.
new girl,
I appreciate your point of view, but you really don't have the whole picture. There are a lot of really good reasons not to be with J. There is only one reason to be with him, a love that is a leftover from 20 years ago for a boy that existed 20 years ago. The man he has become is not the boy he was. Once I took off the rose colored glasses, I could see clearly that he would not be good for me.
Emily,
I appreciate your concern, and I agree that this is going to be difficult on N for sure. I will do what I can to make the split as easy on him as possible, but I do believe at this point that it is inevitable that W and I will split up. I know that makes me a horrible person, to leave a man in his twilight years to deal with dwindling health on his own. But it is also not good that my resentment grows daily, and I am not a very nice person to be around right now, at least not for W, and not for N either as he unfortunately catches the fallout.
Post a Comment