Thursday, August 31, 2006

Choosing Between S & L

Who knew I would ever get to a place where two men that I find attractive would be wanting to have an affair with me so that I would have to choose between them? Yikes. How to choose? They each want just one woman like I want just one man, in the interest of lowering STD risk; they are each married and wanting a discreet physical only relationship; they are both charming in different ways, S being more smooth and L being very sweet

So here's where the differences lie on both the good and bad sides:
S Pros -- tall, gorgeous, outgoing, black (so sue me, I like the whole interracial thing), very good kisser
S Cons -- his schedule and mine are difficult to sync up, he can be a little too smooth at times, always vague about where and when to meet

L Pros -- feels "safer" to me somehow but can't quite pinpoint why, his schedule is flexible and can work around mine, has no problem finding and paying for hotel room
L Cons -- short (what can I say? I like 'em tall), possibly a little too laid back, have had no physical contact other than a handshake so don't know whether we will have that "spark" or not

Now S and I were supposed to meet after work yesterday, but he got caught at work and couldn't make it. We were possibly (not for sure, but possibly) going to take that big step yesterday. We decided to postpone until Friday. Of course, I'm not sure that he'll be able to make Friday, or if he'll call again to cancel at the last minute. Hmmmmm. . . frustration and uncertainty I've got plenty of already. Do I need more?

Add to this that I know my period is coming soon so that could delay everything by a week. Not that I have a problem with sex during my period, but I don't really want to have first time nervous sex during my period thankyouverymuch.

So here's my thinking (and yes I know I am just being hugely pragmatic here, using my little overactive accountant's brain to overanalyze and quantify everything and make it as unemotional as possible):

1. If my period holds off AND S can actually get together on Friday then we meet, and I decide if I'm going for it that day which I think I probably would, but I'm not sure.
2. If my period arrives today or tomorrow AND S can get together on Friday then we meet just to talk and become better acquainted, and I will schedule another lunch with L for next week to become better acquainted, making a choice between the two next week.
3. If S cannot get together on Friday, irregardless of my period, then I have lunch with L next week to make sure I'm really comfortable with him and move forward with L.

The longer I wait the more I'm suffering from cold feet, and then come the really big questions. Am I really going to be able to do this when the time comes? Can I really go get naked with a stranger and have sex with him? Really? Or am I playing some big mind game with myself? Am I going to back out at the last minute? I don't know. I just don't know. I guess only time will tell.


BJ said...

I'd go with whoever your tummy feels comfortable with. Follow your instincts on this issue and everything else.

trueself said...

Well, okay, but he's not here right now so I'll just have to pick between S and L. LOL

Let's see. Who does my tummy feel comfortable with? Surprisingly enough (at least to me), I would probably say L. Maybe. Or not. Can you see that decisiveness is not one of my strongest qualities?

Lynnie said...

I have had a heckuva tome posting here --- all my error. I have been lurking the past few weeks, as I find your story very interesting...not too far off what I have been up to lately.

I say, choose L. You said yourself for some reason you feel safer with L. And if safety is your #1 priority, you have to go with you gut. Myself, I would also choose L because sweet goes a lot further than smooth in my book. Even in an affair, smooth can get old real fast.

But, here I go, throwing a curve into my own advice...why not "try out" both guys for a little while, then choose? Then, whatever choice you make, there will no 'what ifs', right? I know this might go against you ONE GUY preference, but I am not telling you to consider actively seeing both men on a long term basis --- just mayve a week or two, or whatever gives you enough time to make a better informed decision. :)

trueself said...

Thanks for the comments. Hmmmm. . . trying out both. . . for a short time. . . hmmmmm. . . The inner bad girl in me is liking that idea, justified by the thought that since both claim not to have done this before I'm not really significantly increasing STD chances. Hmmmmm. . .
Also, went over to check your blog. Can't wait to read when you have more there so I can find out what you've been up that is similar.

Rae'sSecret said...

Ugh...smooth tends to turn into sneaky...

I'm rooting for L.

trueself said...


I'm surprised at you. I thought you were rooting for no affair at all.

Pink said...

I am kinda leaning towards L myself. But trying both out for a week or two couldn't hurt either.

Anonymous said...

Ok I would have to say L too. The whole "not making it" when you're supposed to meet gets me. Just went through that with my little fling I have. And god it is a DOWNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I like people who follow through on their words!


trueself said...

Now wait just a minute. Who said we were taking a vote here, huh? :-)

Interesting though that the women are unanimous in support of L while my lone male commenter remained neutral. Is this some sort of gender difference or just random? It is after all a very small sample size, therefore statistically probably not valid.

Be that as it may, y'all will be happy to know that I just scheduled lunch with L for a week from tomorrow (soonest our schedules mesh). I've decided to postpone the decision at least until I've spent a bit more time with him, and maybe with S too. We'll see.

And still considering that "trying both for a short time" thing.

Mr. Husbland said...

I'd pick whoever has the lowest chance of giving you an STD.

The smooth guy is smooth because he has practice. I don't trust him. Remember you want a 1 on 1 affair- so who do you think will honor that more?

Rob said...

Much too soon to decide on either guy. Why not test drive them both for awhile before deciding on which one has the best stick shift and overdrive! (evil grin)

Rae'sSecret said...

LOL!! I didn't say I don't want you to get laid!

Besides, if your resolved to do it, then who am I to say anything? Besides, I'm not judgeing. I try to be open minded about everything.

Emily said...

I hope when you talk about multiple partners and STDs, you are planning to use a condom. Please.

There I go again, worrying again. Honestly, its pathological!

Personally, I think at least a kiss is required to test the spark before making a decision.