Friday, April 20, 2007

Accepting Friendship Where It Comes

If you had asked me a year ago if J and I could be friends, and if I would have been happy with that level of a relationship with him I would have answered with an emphatic “No!” I would have sworn up and down that I wanted him for more than a friend, much more, and would never settle for “just a friendship.” My, my, how things change.

A few nights ago J and I talked on the phone for almost an hour. Not only that, I was the one who called him (take that, phone phobia!) which surprised even me. I was feeling the need to talk partly due to being unsettled in the whole W BJ relationship triangle thing and partly due to being unsettled by finding out a friend on the other side of the country died late last week. I would’ve happily called BJ, but he isn’t always easily accessible to me due to life’s circumstances. Besides, he’s probably tired of hearing all my crap about my inability to leave W. So I called J.

We commiserated with one another. His divorce became final not too long ago. He’s out of his mom’s house but not happy with where he’s living. He continues to have trouble with ex-wife #1 due to the children they have between them. T is causing him grief because now that they’re divorced she wants to be friends. He wants them to be so much more than that so it hurts him more than if she just disappeared from the picture altogether. I shared my situation as it stands – the being with one man but wanting a different one. He encouraged me to make the break with W.

Not only did we commiserate, but we shared other bits and pieces of our lives. He told me what I thought was a hilariously funny tale about him hitting a deer (no, I know hitting a deer is no laughing matter, but he wasn’t hurt and the way he told the story was just too dang funny) and how he ended up with two big german shepherds on the hood of his car licking the deer remains off his windshield. J is a big goof and tells stories with a certain flare that just makes me laugh and laugh.

Friendship with J? Thank goodness I came to my senses and let this relationship settle into what it has become. I really love the guy. I just don’t LOVE him.

Post Script:
I can visualize the two of us, J and me, living in the same nursing home when we’re in our 90s, punching each other on the arm as we tease each other the way we always have, and arguing Cubs vs. Cardinals, and lamenting the latest in Illini basketball or football misfortunes. I can also visualize us sneaking into each others rooms at nights and curling up together, reminiscing long into the night about days gone by. Not a bad way to spend your twilight years, with a good friend.


freebird said...

How wonderful that you are able to relax as friends - and on the phone too! Congratulations TS.
I've managed to find a bit of time to myself today but I'm sorry to find that I'm completely out of date with all my fave blogs, so please excuse my lack of comments lately - I can't even attempt to catch up. I look in when I can. Haven't forgotten you!

BJ said...

That's good that you can have that. Those kind of friends are hard to find.

Fiona said...

I was kind of hoping that you'd be spending your twilight years with BJ :)

Trueself said...

FB - So good to see you around. I know it's been hard for you to get time for blogs lately. And yes, I am quite pleased to see how this friendship has developed.

BJ - They are indeed hard to find, friends with whom you can share so much.

Fiona - Actually, I guess I assumed that since BJ is older than I by a few years that I will end up alone eventually but with J a little younger he might still be around to pal around with.