Maybe it really is me.
Maybe I really am the one with the problem.
Maybe I really am too needy.
Maybe I never will find a man who can live up to my high expectations.
Maybe I've got to learn to close off a certain piece of me to keep from being hurt.
Maybe I've got to be more independent.
Maybe I should just give up now, give in, and accept that I am overwhelmingly too sensitive.
Maybe I should just stop whining about it all.
Excuse me while I go spend the rest of my lunch hour crying and trying to pull myself back together before I have to return to work.
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THIS BLOG IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY. Anyone under 18 should leave immediately. This blog started as a place to chronicle my attempt at rekindling a long ago romance in spite of the fact that we were both married to others but evolved into a journal of my sexual revolution and now what is hopefully my maturation into a fully functional adult.
Just Who Do I Think I Am?
- Trueself
- A Little Place I Call Home, Midwest, United States
- I'm a middle-aged woman going through a midlife crisis. Sometimes I wonder if I'll live through it. Trying to figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing.
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First anniversary of Mom's death.
Words to Live By
- We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all exist very nicely in the same box. -- Unknown
- Sometimes you just do what you gotta do, mess or not. -- BJ
- The power to believe in yourself, is the power to change fate.
- You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.
- Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -- Plato
- Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. -- Matthew 7:1-5
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Who's Who in Trueself's World
- Trueself (aka TS) - Me, a fat nerdy middle-aged widow with a great job (provided the company stays in business), a great son, and a messed up life
- N - My son, my reason for living, the greatest gift God ever gave me besides His own Son
- J - My high school sweetheart with whom I share love and the occasional rendezvous
- W - My husband, for better or worse; I took care of him until the day he died.
- Freud - My therapist
- Dr K - My psychiatrist, the one who medicates me when the talk therapy with Freud just isn't enough
- Boss - My previous supervisor who used to scare the shit out of me and now I only find mildly annoying on most days.
- Snow White - A coworker, also psycho
- Betty - A coworker who is practically perfect in every way and more than a little annoying to the rest of us mere mortals
- FU - My brother; the initials here may or may not represent what I would like to tell him most of the time
- FU2 - FU's wife, my sister-in-law
- Bella and Ella - My two nieces, daughters of FU and FU2
- Gladys - My next door neighbor whom I've named after the nosy neighbor on Bewitched. They're two of a kind.
- RB - Temporary housemate who lived with us while she was separated from her husband.
- TS2 - Former housemate who just so happens to have the same first name as I do. She drove W & N crazy, and sometimes me a little bit too, but the extra income from her rent sure helped.
- M - FWB from early fall 2009 through spring 2010 when he moved a couple of hours away
- BJ (aka Z) - The man I loved who just didn't turn out to be the right one no matter how much I loved him
- D - A former coworker and former friend who is in very many ways completely opposite of me. Why we get along is anyone's guess, but we did. . . until we didn't.
- C - My bestest best friend I thought, but we've drifted apart
- Q - W's girlfriend while he and I were separated
- H, K, & S - Guys I met online who shared with me various levels of adult type fun from time to time
- G & L - Guys I met online that went nowhere
- R & V - Women I met online that went nowhere
- T - J's second ex-wife
- If an actual name is used instead of just a letter it is generally not the real name but a name made up to protect anonymity.
Where Did You Say That Is?
- LNJ - Where I currently live (stands for Location of New Job)
- LOH - Where I lived before (stands for Location of Old Home)
- ST1 - Small Town 1, where I was born and where my grandparents lived
- TV1 - Tiny Village 1, where I spent infancy and a few years after TV2
- TV2 - Tiny Village 2, where I lived during toddlerhood
- TV3 - Tiny Village 3, where I spent most of my elementary school years
- ST2 - Small Town 2, where I lived during the high school/college years
An Eclectic Mix of Really Fine Blogs
- 2AMSomewhere
- Al Laddin Sayne
- All of Her Secrets
- An East Wind
- Attack of the Redneck Mommy
- Cassandra's Korner
- Code Name D.A.D.
- Crazy in Love
- Dad's Life
- Desperate Husband
- Down the Rabbit Hole
- Emily's Post
- Fade to Numb
- Finding My Way
- Foolish Mutterings
- For a Different Kind of Girl
- Freebird Flying
- Gotta Go My Own Way
- Gray?
- Her Bad Mother's Basement
- Hyperbole and a Half
- I Should've Been Famous By Now
- Illinois Loyalty
- Incurable
- Karin's Korner
- Living in the Kingdom
- Love, Couples, and Kink
- My Journey of Self Discovery
- Never Judge a Book by Its Cover
- Nightside Jonny
- Nutty Man
- Ordinary Guy, Strange Life
- Over Forty Married Sex
- PeaceBang
- Phyllis Renée
- Polyamorously Perverse
- Reality and Redemption
- Running in the Yard
- She Just Walks Around with It
- Spinning in Control
- Stories 2 Tell
- The Eyes Have It
- The Web of Language
- Unsolicited Advice
- Unspoken Drama
- Welcome to the Spectrum
- Will She Be Back?
- randomblink
Deep Dark Topics
- Sex (146)
- Marriage (117)
- Depression (102)
- Mental Health (97)
- Counseling (93)
- Stupidity (89)
- Ramblings (87)
- Love (86)
- Adultery (84)
- Music (74)
- Quizzes (71)
- Emotions (66)
- Family Fun (65)
- Parenting (64)
- Tears (63)
- Health (59)
- Friendship (57)
- Miscellany for no good reason (52)
- Scary Stuff (49)
- Breaking Up is Hard to Do (48)
- Liking Myself (42)
- Human Relations (39)
- Disappointment (38)
- Lists (37)
- History (36)
- Secrets (36)
- Politics (33)
- Whines (33)
- Taking Care of Me (29)
- emails (28)
- Death (26)
- Humor (25)
- It's a Weird World (24)
- Sleepless Nights (23)
- Polls (22)
- Fairy Tales (21)
- Lies (21)
- Moving On (21)
- Confusion (20)
- Frustration (20)
- What I Did on Summer Vacation (18)
- Bi Fun (17)
- Hate (16)
- Addiction (15)
- Taking Advantage of Others (15)
- Bitch Extraordinaire (14)
- Crazy is as Crazy Does (14)
- Insecurity (14)
- Wild Speculations (14)
- Good Times (13)
- Opinions I Ought to Keep to Myself (12)
- Mysteries (11)
- STD (11)
- Weight Weight Don't Tell Me (10)
- Haiku (6)
- Gratitude (5)
- The Moving Story That Wouldn't Die (4)
- OCD (2)
Deep Dark Archives
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2007
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April
(35)
- Weekend With W, Part I
- The Paradox of Our Age
- Not Enough Time for a Real Post
- Oh Crap
- This One is for My Musician Friends
- How Could They Tell So Much From So Little?
- Never Thought I'd Be Quoting Lee Iacocca
- I hate feeling this way.
- Baring My Soul
- Accepting Friendship Where It Comes
- What is with my Horoscope These Days?
- Let's Do the Time Warp
- Oh My
- I Don't Know That Anything Here Surprises Me
- BJ, You Were Right!
- Yes, This is Indeed My True Self
- Only ONE Part Silliness?!?
- Ripples
- Take The Long Way Home
- And This Dedication Goes Out to. . .
- New Poll in the Sidebar
- How Far Have I Come?
- I Forget Where I Stole This Meme
- Sick
- Planning Ahead
- Why Does Every Song Mean So Much When You're in Love?
- Whirlwind
- More Great Music for Your Weekend Listening Pleasure
- No More Maybes
- Maybe
- My Latest Music Obsession
- Heaven on Earth
- Talk About Your Mood Swings
- Well this was interesting
- I'm Baaaaack!
-
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April
(35)
49% Geek, 82% Nerd
Makes Sense to Me
You aren't paranoid if people really are out to get you
8 comments:
Maybe you need to just try to look more on the positive side of things, not dwell on the negatives.
Maybe you need to stop worrying so much and just take each day as it comes.
Maybe you need to go get yourself a book written by Dale Carnegie called The Power of Positive Thinking.
Maybe you need to at least adopt the same motto that I live by, which is: "Don't sweat the small stuff because in life everything is just - small stuff". Think about it.
Where did this come from? What happened? i need more information. ok, maybe i don't need it, but i am sure wondering what's going on, dear...
p.s., Rob, that's just your testosterone talking. if women had men's crappy short term memory and shiny-object syndrome, yeah, be easy to just "take each day as it comes." Boy, you need a spanking and i am just the girl to administer it, because i understand so well...
I'm just saying.
Sorry, Tru, didn't mean to catch you up in the middle of this... :)
What's happened, TS?
No Serentity, that's just my humble attempt to help True feel a bit better about things that are bothering her, not to upset her or worry about you taking pot shots at me in her blog. But spank away, girl, best offer I've had in awhile (evil grin)
I don't know if today's post clarifies anything, but I hope so. No, I'm not going into further details of this on here. The incident and hurt feelings are all over. Everything's better. Thanks for your concern.
DH tried to pawn a copy of Dale Carnegie's TPOPT off on me when I was really REALLY down; he's lucky I didn't conk him over the head w/it!!!
Val - Yes, your DH is a very lucky man. I, too, would have been tempted to conk him with it.
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